nakedpastor

Animal Behavior Indicators

Posted in thought, art, humour by nakedpastor on the September 26th, 2007

japanese_snow_monkey.jpgI was fooling around today and thought I’d come up with a list of 10 suggestions for keeping your sanity in church, or anywhere for that matter. It’s a little on the light side. Have fun!:

  1. Be suspicious of all authority figures, especially those who bullishly claim to be.
  2. If you feel herded and corralled like a breeder cow, break rank and fence.
  3. Trust your animal instincts. Especially if a leader tells you it’s wrong to think that way.
  4. If someone insists she’s a sheep, sniff for a wolf.
  5. If you are told it is for your own good, turn on your heels like a spooked coyote and run!
  6. Don’t be the eternal optimist who, furiously digging through all the manure, exclaimed, “There just MUST be a horse in here somewhere!” There is no horse.
  7. If you think you smell a rat, you smell a rat.
  8. If a leader acts like a weasel, then he or she’s a weasel.
  9. Peacocks and pulpits do not belong together.
  10. If a leader uninvited roots around in your personal life like a pig for truffles, kick him in the snout.

I’m a pastor so I can say these things.

The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings and is from his Snow Monkey series.

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12 Responses to 'Animal Behavior Indicators'

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  1. jonbirch said, on September 26th, 2007 at 3:40 pm

    it all sounds like wisdom to me.
    great picture… shame you couldn’t find a monkey with two fingers raised!

  2. Heidi Renee said, on September 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    in other words use all of those god-given instincts the church and culture have beaten out of you for the past 20 years!

  3. Scott said, on September 26th, 2007 at 9:55 pm

    It’s funny ’cause it’s true…

  4. lor said, on September 26th, 2007 at 11:14 pm

    it’s so great that your’re a pastor so you can say these things

    :)

  5. Dena G said, on September 26th, 2007 at 11:22 pm

    I think I’m still looking for the horse. That “eternal optimist” gene is killing me!!

    Great list. It may be on the “light side”, but that doesn’t keep it from being true.

  6. Darren said, on September 27th, 2007 at 12:58 am

    Human instincts, Heidi, human! Give credit where it is due!

  7. Jimmy_C said, on September 27th, 2007 at 6:38 am

    Very funny, shockingly true.

  8. jonbirch said, on September 27th, 2007 at 7:45 am

    okay darren, how about ‘god given human instincts?’ :-)

  9. Fred said, on September 27th, 2007 at 10:22 am

    “Break rank and fence”? What, like with an epee?

    Disagree with 3. Don’t trust your animal instincts. People that need to open up and express themselves don’t do so because of past hurt. Self-preservation is an animal instinct.

    Also, if you think you smell a rat, there’s not always a rat. We had a funny but not so funny experience lately in which a few people were up in arms because they smelled a rat where none existed…

    …just because a police officer is in your service in uniform doesn’t necessarily mean that somebody in the room is in trouble with the law. Sometimes that police officer is actually a member of the church…

  10. Mike said, on September 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am

    Great! David, this is wisdom above and beyond.

  11. Darren said, on September 27th, 2007 at 10:47 am

    Jon: Just “human instincts” will do, thanks. The human animal is an amazing creature, with well-evolved instincts that should be heeded.

    Fred: I’m not sure I quite understand your point, but I think I disagree with you. We should not only trust our instincts, but also understand them. They’re there for a reason, and we shouldn’t disregard them offhand.

  12. Nate Peres said, on September 28th, 2007 at 12:12 pm

    Great advice.

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