I want to make it clear from the beginning that victims of abuse responding to it are not necessarily sinners, but are actually justified in defending themselves. The word “sinners” suggests that the church considers their people sinners because they are not behaving the way they want them to. They are not sinners really, but in the eyes of domineering leadership they are.
So here’s how abusive churches and pastors make sinners out of us:
- resisting being controlled is interpreted as stubbornness
- questioning a leader’s actions is interpreted as rebellious
- doing other than exactly what you’re told is interpreted as disobedience
- questioning authority is interpreted as not submitting to authority
- stronger offense creates stronger defense that is interpreted as obstinacy
- talking about your questions with others is interpreted as divisive and seditious
- knowing a leader is human with weaknesses is interpreted as disrespectful
- when you decide the church is not healthy and leave is interpreted as unfaithful
- thinking for yourself is considered maverick
- trying to learn how to live your own life is considered immature and unruly
Come join us at The Lasting Supper where we talk about this stuff all the time and learn how to move on. I welcome you.
Read The Liberation of Sophia… our story of how we used to be trapped in this, escaped, and now enjoy our independence!