10 Signs Your Church is Haunted

"Haunted Church" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Haunted Church” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

Here are signs that your church is haunted:

  1. There are pews dedicated to dead people.
  2. The speaker mumbles unintelligibly and seems dead inside.
  3. They eat someone’s flesh and drink his blood.
  4. Be careful, you might get stabbed in the back.
  5. They read potions from an ancient manuscript.
  6. There’s a lot of magical thinking.
  7. They talk about getting filled with a ghost.
  8. You have to wear a mask.
  9. They encourage you to die.
  10. They promise you will rise from the grave.

This is all in good fun! Maybe you can add one to the list.

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4 Responses

  1. Dave says:

    I love the Dumbledore fingers!

  2. Bridget says:

    There are cobwebs in the corners.
    There are death watch beetles in the roof.
    There are heads without bodies sticking out of the walls.
    There are nearly dead people scaring the children with their scowling faces.
    Several people dress up in voluminous white garments.
    The temperature is often freezing, even when the heating is on.
    The organist is rarely heard to speak but communicates solely by playing spooky sounding voluntaries.
    Bats fly around during evening services.
    Birds find their way into the building but never find their way out.
    Very old people gather midweek to recite seventeenth century words printed on very thin paper.
    Early on Sunday morning silent figures are seem filing into church where they sit individually where they cannot look into each other’s faces or risk any physical contact.

    This is just too easy a game for English anglicans.

  3. Caryn LeMur says:

    Your mind is a gift from God! lol… loved it.

    Here are some additional thoughts:

    11. If you take off your mask, you will be asked to leave the party.

    12. If you question the sweetness of the goodies you are given, you will be asked to leave the party.

    13. If you don’t agree with the incantations, and especially if you show their book of incantations has more than one ‘reading’, then you will be asked to leave the party.

  4. Right, the raising of the dead, the zombie apocalypse. I can see similarities in that many congregations are like the Walking Dead. If I am really honest, this church you speak of and have drawn looks pretty bad ass and I am tempted to attend! 🙂 It would make for a much more interesting Sunday morning.

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