the unrealistic expectations of bullies

"Stay Positive" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Stay Positive” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

If you’ve ever been bullied you know exactly what I’m talking about.

  • They feel justified in what they’re doing.
  • They expect you to agree with this.
  • They expect you to accept what they’re doing to you.
  • They’re shocked when you don’t.
  • They blame you for making them feel unappreciated.

I found it interesting when I searched for bullying on Amazon, that most of the books are for children and teens. But adults get bullied too. All the time! We see it happening every day online.

The number one advice to those who are being bullied… after admitting that it’s actually happening to you… is walk away and block them!

Are you being bullied in a relationship? In your job? In your church? Do what you can now to extricate yourself from that situation. They aren’t going to do it for you. In fact, they don’t think they’re bullies! Remember… they feel justified in what they’re doing. In my experience, the best way is to be decisive, quick, and final about it.

I run an online community called The Lasting Supper that we call a protected space. I invite you to join us. You can personally email me to ask me about it if you want to. I do everything in my power to help you feel like you’ve finally found a home where you can relax and be yourself.


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5 Responses

  1. Ducatihero says:

    Lol yeah,

    In my last job it resulted in me going “fuck you” to the bullying boss.

    Strange thing, in front of on of the directors of the company his demeanour changed and said that he was impressed with my people skills!

    I agree, best thing is to avoid them but sometimes that’s not possible.

    I’m actually glad for my experience as it gave me the push to leave a boring job and do something more interesting!

  2. Caryn LeMur says:

    May I add, “They justify continued bullying even when confronted by a third-party serving as a neutral referee” ?

    I have come to believe that the power surge felt by a bully, or a bullying ‘defender of the weak’, is addicting… it soon becomes their purpose for living, and reason for getting up in the morning.

    I saw it years ago on the playground… the bullying continued after confrontation by the Principal.. the bullying even increased.

    I see it now on Blogs… the bullying continues even after a warning by the moderator. The bully is simply banned.

    I see it occasionally on FaceBook… the bullying continues even after warnings by the FaceBook investigative team. The bully must be blocked (or ultimately, FB bans them).

    Why should the bully stop? It is, after all, their source of energy and meaning. They have no purpose without bullying.

    I find it puzzling that some bullies though, will change as adults, and return to dialog. I met with a former bully years ago, after his release from juvenile prison. He was then a gentle giant.

    How and why? I truly do not know… addictions run deeper than just a buzz for the moment.

    If there is any former bully out there, I would be very interested in learning how and why you changed. Seriously.

  3. Eric says:

    I have learned that most bullies are simply powering up to mask their own insecurities. I have a deep desire to bring justice down on these people. At the same time, I see a big need for the skill of Christian maturity to make sure it gets done in a way that glorifies God.

  4. Ducatihero says:

    Indeed Eric, like the barking of dogs and hissing of snakes.