Are you looking for someone to love?

"Someone to Love" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Someone to Love” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

After I left the ministry in 2010 (read up on my story Questions Are The Answer), I experienced loneliness like I never had before.

Now, I have single friends, and their level of loneliness is even greater. I acknowledge this. I have Lisa in my life, so my loneliness is a lot different than the loneliness my single friends experience.

But I do remember one day complaining to myself about my lack of friends, when all of a sudden I opened the eyes of my mind and realized I have a lot of people in my life I can love. Some of them have even become friends.

I’ve always insisted the church’s greatest asset is community. You walk in to many churches and a whole network of relationships are handed to you on a platter. But when you leave, that platter is thrust out of your hands. That’s why so many ex-church goers are looking for new forms of community.

We had to find and make new friends, along with the few older friends we still have. Lisa and I realized that we had work to do. It took effort. Courage. Risk-taking. Experimentation. It took getting out of our comfort zones and looking around us to see what we already had and what could potentially be ours.

SHOP

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7 Responses

  1. Scott Amundsen says:

    Sometimes all it takes is reaching out a hand. God has brought friends into my life that have become family. Reach out, that’s all you need to do. 🙂

  2. Adam Julians says:

    Yes, courage, risk taking, outside, comfort zone to realise what I already have. Finding new ways of community. I can relate to all of that.

    Can I also add awareness of damage and the need for forgiveness and enabling of healing so that love can be let in and given out?

    Oh and getting my mojo back. Wouldn’t was to miss out on mentioning that 😉

  3. Kaye says:

    This is timely for me. Reminds me of what we moms said to our kids…
    “If you want to have a friend, you might need to BE a friend.”
    Yah, it’s cheesy and often overworked – especially when I remember that so much of my decades of ministry were about being a friend to those who needed one. But yes, we did lose that whole truckload of automatic friendships when we left the church.

  4. Yes Kaye I agree. What came automatically within the church (to some extent)… must be intentional outside of it.

  5. Yasmin says:

    When new members join our church, we all recite our covenant, which ends with the commitment to “care for those whom God has given us to love.” We all understand that that means EVERYONE, without exception. It’s the motto we live by.

  6. That’s awesome if it’s practiced Yasmin. Great!

  7. Yasmin says:

    Oh, it’s practiced, David, very much so. It’s who we are.

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