find a church where you don’t have to surrender

"Surrender" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
“Surrender” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward


If you read my book, Questions are the Answer, you will realize that it wasn’t because of outright abuse that I left the ministry and the church, but because I couldn’t be me and stay.

I’ve always explored the edges and even beyond, outside the box, to find out what is true. My intellectual curiosity, my hunger to know and understand, my thirst for true wisdom… I finally came to realize… was not welcomed inside the confines of the church life I had known up to that point.

The only way I could continue growing in my own personal rights and freedoms was to leave.

The only way I could think freely was to get a divorce.

I know there are some church communities where people are free to be themselves and explore theological and philosophical frontiers. But I think, frankly, they are rare.

Like a good marriage relationship… each partner is totally themselves. They learn how to be completely free without violating the freedom of the other.

If you find a church like this, stay. Make it work!

Now, in a community context, I can exercise my rights and freedoms, as well as my intellectual curiosity, at The Lasting Supper.


One Reply to “find a church where you don’t have to surrender”

  1. lol… your cartoon shows the problem – we married our institutional church.

    I recall feeling that way – truly and deeply a union of sort. And thus, the departure was fraught with all the emotions of a divorce.

    I now encourage people to view their church as simply a gathering of friends. If it does not work for you, then attend less often. If it does not work at all, then laugh, smile, and wave goodbye.

    If it works for you, then attend more.

    And, I also recommend that people attend for 2 years, and then take 1 year off – or any other pattern of Sabbatical. That way, the church will not become part of your identity. Instead, continue to deepen your faith during that Sabbatical using things other than the church.

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