It’s the unspoken rules and expectations that really get you!

"Unspoken Rules" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Unspoken Rules” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

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There are the explicit rules and expectations. We’re usually okay with those. We can sign up or not because the choices and consequences are pretty clear.

It’s the unspoken rules and expectations that really get you. It takes a while to learn where the line is. But it’s often too late when you find that line because you don’t know where it is until you’ve crossed it.

And you know what happens then.

Hey! Why not decide to finally join The Lasting Supper? We’re a community of fun-loving line-crossers!

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2 Responses

  1. Caryn LeMur says:

    I think that every subculture – business or military or religion – has unspoken rules.

    Who has top status? How do you honor that status properly?

    Who has ‘open books’ in accounting? Or, a yearly external third-party audit where the results are shown?

    What uniform should be worn and when?

    What rituals matter?

    When are you free to question and leave? What is the cost for leaving?

    It is the last question that disturbed me most.

    In business, you are free to question; however, some questions will result in your termination as an employee. You say to yourself, “Of course, I knew it was coming. My resume is ready. Fuck em.”

    In the military, you are not free to question until reaching a certain rank. Repeated questioning will result in you obtaining a poor assignment, or being encouraged to not re-enlist (or to resign as an officer). You say to yourself, “Of course, I knew it was coming. I’m going to work in the civilian world. Fuck em.”

    In the world of religions (within my experience), you are free to raise questions so long as you accept the answer given by the authority. Repeated questions ultimately results in you being ostracized and then excommunicated. You say to yourself, “Wait… these are family…. I never saw that coming. I going to go to hell. Oh my god.”

    The unspoken rules and expectations are there… and ultimately, you may break them intentionally….but the mental preparation for the consequences need to be in place.

  2. Yes, I agree they are everywhere… in every relationship.

    The key is communicating them.

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