The Gay Calvinist

"The Gay Calvinist" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
“The Gay Calvinist” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward



Even right away you asked yourself, “How is a gay Calvinist possible?” Didn’t you? I’ll tell you how it’s possible, being the gay Calvinist.

I knew when I was 13 I was gay. I confessed it to my youth leader. These are the steps of theological logistics he dragged me through:

He suggested I’m not gay. I just have depraved and corrupt thoughts that become temptations, and that God was allowing me to be so tempted in order to build humility and holiness in me.

So, I tried that for a while. But I had to be honest with myself. The same-sex attractions I experience aren’t a deviation from who I am, but a natural expression of who I am. A temptation is only a temptation if the appeal is made to something inherent in who I am. The temptation has to touch something within me. Right? I mean, if I didn’t have any attraction to people of the same sex, then it wouldn’t be a temptation, would it? I was gay. I didn’t become gay. I came to realize I was already gay.

I was upgraded to a meeting with the pastor.

At first I was thankful because the pastor conceded I could be gay and that it was my orientation even before I knew it. God made me gay. What a relief!

But wait.

“No,” he said, “this is not a good thing. Yes, God made you thus, but being gay is still depraved. It is not God’s perfect will, but his permissive will. You are a sinner and you need to repent. He loves you.”

“Wait! God loves me?”

“Well,” he insisted, “God loves in three ways: first, he loves everyone; then he loves the elect; finally he loves his covenant people most of all. You’re in the he-loves-everyone category.”

When I told him I’ve repented a million times to no avail, he clarified to me that no matter how much I repented, that I probably would not change because God has sealed me unto destruction, a vessel of his wrath, and that I was a living testimony to God’s righteous will and judgment.

“Wait!” I said, “Am I to understand that the sovereign God ordained me as gay and that I was bound in depravity to be an instrument of God’s wrath in order to show the world how sinners are surely condemned and punished and that I will burn in Hell forever because God’s will is perfect and his judgments are true and on top of all this I should worship him and be thankful that I am at least fulfilling his will for my life even though it’s one destined for destruction? But he loves me?”

Relieved, he said, “Yes, that’s it. In a nutshell.”

Genius. Just genius.

This too was probably predestined, but I left laughing. And gay. And he remained confirmed in his theology.


17 Replies to “The Gay Calvinist”

  1. awwww..what a sad story. I am so sorry you went through that. Jesus does love you…and He doesn’t love some more than others…He just loves you!! Pls trust that…My son got involved with reformed theology and left behind his upbringing.. His dad and I are flawed and heading in the wrong direction…

  2. I guess carrying that inside is what has caused a lot of the issues you have with the church (which I understand), but I don’t understand the anger towards certain people. There tends to be zero compassion or grace in your words and hashtags. From the history of it all it seems that you only take one side without even interacting with the person you are using to prove a point that is on your heart. In a “nutshell” you mold them to your will and banish them to your hell.
    I have always found gay people to be full of compassion not hate. Maybe if you embraced that side you would find the grace that you so freely cling to and share it with those you want us to hate. The same grace that allows you to draw what you draw.

  3. V: This is a story about a gay person. Fiction. But I’m glad it sounded real to you. Thanks.

    TH: Same thing: this is a story about a fictional gay person. Why would you want to hate the people who rejected the gay person? What makes you think I would want you to hate them. Did you know things like this really do happen? To real people! This is a fiction, but it’s meant to arouse awareness of what some LGBT people experience in the church.

  4. So glad this is fiction. I could not wrap my head around how a gay man could be full of so much bitterness and hate towards other people. It turns out you are just a straight man who does not how to move on.

  5. I think you’re living in the dark TH. I get messages ALL. THE. TIME. from people who experience this. So even though it’s fiction, it reflects reality for a lot of people. So I choose to advocate for them when I can, and I’m honored to do so.

  6. I don’t live in the dark. Trust me. I just was afraid you actually represented a group I am part of. A group that teaches love and needs love. Kind of like the group you claim to have walked away from, but you still carry a lot of their traits.

  7. TH: I’m kind of surprised, but maybe not… that you consider the gay person hateful and unable to move on, or me, when you don’t consider those who would judge her and condemn her to rejection and hell because of her sexual orientation just because they use theology and religio-speak to veil it their hate. Hate, after all, leads to murder… which is sometimes physical, but which most often social. This gay person, although treated religiously, is in effect hated and murdered for the sake of a theology.

  8. I don’t need someone to draw a picture to “feel” something I feel. I need someone to teach me to not hate those who hate me. Yet all I have learned from this website is how to hate the religious more.

  9. Why do you hate those who hate you? I just drew a picture of something people believe, and told you a story about a victim of this belief that is more common than not. I draw and write what I write to effect change hopefully. But you seem to be saying that you feel you are easily inspired to hate.

    In your first comment you judged our gay friend for being angry for the way she was treated. You seem to expect this victim to show love to her accusers and judge her for not doing so. You expect more from the victim than the perpetrators. That’s the message I get from your comment.

  10. My first comment was not directed towards the lady. It was addressed towards you. The artist of this site.

  11. I must have missed the Mic drop, but I understand. Next time please give a disclaimer your post is a fiction. For I would not have commented if I would have known.

  12. God gave LSD to humankind as a tool to destroy homosexual impulses。 But the chaos of the Vietnam War confused things and hence this angelic tool was made illegal and now there iz more sick LGBT people with AIDS than Ever before。 America,you are the great Satan。

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