When someone tries to explain to me that not all churches are like this, I agree with them.
However, my experience is that thinking outside of what the church or Christianity allows is punishable by a metaphorical kick in the ass out the door.
I have been in churches across the theological and denominational spectrum. None are worse or better than any other in this regard. Each and every one, in my experience and observation, puts limits on your mind.
Do you know why? Because it is a human issue, not just a religious one. I claim that the gravitational pull of all community is towards the control of its members by those who gain, keep, and wield power. How one’s thoughts are controlled is a very crucial feature of this leadership.
I applaud you if you’ve dared to doubt, asked difficult questions, and found yourself needing, out of necessity but also out of self-care, to be spiritually independent.
I don’t care how young or old you are, how much education you have or don’t have, or any other thing. If you’re learning how to be autonomous spiritually, then in my opinion you are doing very, very well.
Use that kick in the ass out the door as a propulsion to determine your own spiritual life.
I did, and I wouldn’t change a thing.