are you a black sheep?

sophia blacksheep drawing by nakedpastor david hayward
Sophia “BlackSheep” (ink, watercolor, charcoal on paper, 8″x9″)

I love Sophia. She is me, and she has helped me to love myself. I’m a black sheep in many ways. I know what it is to be the peculiar, different one, the one that doesn’t quite fit in, the one who decides that he must go his own way. Fortunately for Sophia, she’s found a companion, a dark one like her.

She’s not a coward. She marches. She walks defiantly. She actually looks like she’s stomping her way into her future. There’s no stopping her.

Like you!

Women who have fought or are fighting for their independence are Sophia’s biggest fans. Second are men in touch with their emotional journeys. Let me explain:

I started drawing Sophia when I left the church. She emerged from my subconscious. The first ones I drew, I wasn’t even aware of what was happening. The first one was Fearless. I was surprised I drew such a thing. It was so out of character for my usual, serene, minimalistic, Asian feel paintings, like Lonely Tree. Then one day when I was drawing a Sophia, I think it was Cave, I noticed the emotion I was feeling about her. It was too strong to ignore. It dawned on me that I was drawing my own journey. I knew what it was like to feel stuck, which is why I drew Trapped, probably my most popular one. Then I drew her Escape. Then I proceeded drawing my way through my and her journey to Freedom. There are 50 completed. I have another one planned for this weekend.

Thanks for falling in love with her with me.

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8 Replies to “are you a black sheep?”

  1. As usual, there are two opposite errors that we can make when we approach life’s challenges from the perspective of the dualistic mind:

    1) conformity to our own desires with no consideration for the well-being of others or even our own long term well-being and 2) conformity to the common pathologies of our social milieu.

    “One can try to recreate the world, to build in its stead another world in which its most unbearable features are eliminated and replaced by others that are in conformity with one’s own wishes. But whoever, in desperate defiance, sets out upon this path to happiness will, as a rule, obtain nothing. Reality is too strong for him. He becomes a madman who, for the most part, finds no one to help him in carrying through his delusion.”–Sigmund Freud

    “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” -J. Krishnamurti, author, speaker, and philosopher (1895-1986)

    IMO, alpha-dominant personalities tend to fall into the first error and beta-dominant personalitiess tend to commit the second.

  2. I have “Clearing” and “Canoe”, both of which I love. I see myself in the Sophia pictures. I hope you don’t mind my appropriation of your identity, David. 🙂

  3. Beautiful….I have been enjoying your images using Sophia to convey profound truths and insights and your own personal journey for quite awhile. 🙂

    Am I a black sheep? Yeah…and it’s a lonely place sometimes to be…some even have called me a goat! 😉

  4. Yes, I’m a black sheep. There were many who spoke untruths about me when I left the church. And I didn’t leave quietly.

    It is amazing how (some) Christian? pastors time and time again fail to hold each other accountable to even the most basic professional standards. They seem to think being a pastor means the ten commandments and Bible scripture doesn’t applies to them.

    As I’m getting my voice back, thanks to time and
    I will be exposing more of the truth and my story as I
    am searching my heart and trying to be more like Sophia.

  5. I’m no longer a black sheep. Jesus left the 99 and came for me. In my anger, hurt, and self-righteouness I attempted to lash back but when my eyes connected with his (in my prayer closet) I was humbled and laid prostrate before him. In tears I shared and for days on end he heard me. After a time I ran out of words and lay silently, sobbing somewhat but grateful he had heard me rant and rave and empty out all of myself. In the long silence I finally got it, that he had really heard me. So i kept coming back and kneeling there, waiting, thanking but mostly just waiting, resting, and being refreshed…and then one day suddenly….

    Well, you’ll see. Later, and be blessed.

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