"Subtle Control" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
I was at a conference once where a leader was there with many members of his community. I watched with fascination as he and his people claimed that he was the least controlling leader they'd ever known. But their love, devotion, and even adoration of him was so powerful that he could use his feelings to completely control their behavior.
For example, to prevent the possibility of ever hurting his feelings, they would never even think of disagreeing with him or challenging any of the things he thought, said, or did.
Control doesn't always appear like a dictator. It can also appear like a lover...
... a lover who feels its his right to never have his feelings hurt or to experience disappointment.
This is not to say leaders who are liked and even loved have control issues. As long as they are humble and open, and as long as there are people around them that can speak honestly into their lives without fear of retaliation.