Over the last two years I've experienced more loneliness than I ever have. Most times though they are fruitful. I will paint or go for a walk or listen to music or watch a movie or read an engaging book.
Actually, this painting, "Hat", was inspired by such a time. I can be so lost in my own head that I could lose my hat and not even notice.
This is one of my issues: learning to be present, to be aware, to stop living inside my own head and get in touch with what is going on around me or what is happening to me. I have a way of psychologically and emotionally buffering myself against the harshness of an experience. My counselor is helping me to work on that. It is an extremely arduous task.
I need to be gracious with myself. Things are getting better. I am getting better. My wife and children even notice. Even though I've been through some very difficult transitions lately, I can testify that things are actually improving. The bitterness, resentment and anger are all dissipating. I am awakening. I am slowly coming back to life. And the life I live now is much more happy, peaceful and intelligent than it has ever been.