i start again tomorrow

Tomorrow I start full time as the pastor of Rothesay Vineyard, yet again, and I m feeling very, very nervous. Why? Here s a few theories, one or all of which may be true: 1. It s the first time in four years I ve been responsible for a church? 2. the last time I was responsible for a church, I was excused from the ministry for insubordination (and I'm a little skiddish as a result)? 3. for the last four years, I ve been free as a bird and unaccountable to anyone? 4. now I have a real job where I can t just do as I please? 5. I have teenagers who aren t the perfect little pastor s kids? 6. I was always called to be an artist, and I m running away from the terrible insecurity of that profession that has only got me further in debt? 7. last time I became pastor of this church, it split (definition of insanity: doing the same thing while expecting different results)? 8. I feel this church is about to be pushed deeper into the radical grace of God in Jesus and I m not sure how we re going to take it or how well I ll lead it? 9. doug and I won t be doing this together in the same way I ll miss him and I m afraid of the loneliness and isolation? 10. responsibility for a church is a fearful thing I SHOULD be nervous? Any thoughts or prayers?

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