"Sophia Shy" drawing by nakedpastor David Hayward

My new Sophia drawing: "Shy"

"Sophia Shy" drawing by nakedpastor David Hayward
My life used to be so full of people! Every week, sometimes several times, like clockwork, I thrust myself into the midst of the devout throng to conform and perform. Was that the price for love? It was beautiful then I thought. Now, I wonder‚ How beautiful was it, actually? Because I would never go back! I would never pay that price again! If it was so beautiful, why don't I want it again? So I escaped. I ran into the wilderness. The wilderness isn't one of physical deserts, forests, and beasts.¬†It is a wilderness of metaphysical ones! Here, in my spiritual wilderness, I endure long dry spells of incredible thirst. I get entangled in limbs of bewildering confusion. I encounter wild beasts both within and without. And, above all, loneliness. But I'd rather this than a domestic and docile compliance! However, I must continue to be honest: I do miss people. Friends used to abound. Now they're almost nowhere to be found! I'm like a fox. Sly and shy. Is it because I don't want to be hurt again? Is it that I don't ever want to submit again? Or, is it about trust? Can I trust people not to subdue me? And can I trust myself not to allow it? I love the wilderness. I'd live here if I must. But I'd rather visit it than dwell¬†in it forever. I love people, but I'd rather be myself alone than be a stranger to myself and to them in their midst. If they welcomed me to their fire, I think I might go. As long as it was understood that it would be really me. I've become shy. Like a fox. It's how I, yes I, survive. (*** You should order my very popular graphic book The Liberation of Sophia, a collection of 59 Sophia drawings and meditations like this one.)
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