Sophia has learned a valuable lesson: trying to control only drives away. She has discovered that it is necessary to take the risk of liberating. She knows this because she discovered it about herself. If she liberates herself, if she lets herself go, frees herself... she will find her truest self.
Yes it is terrifying to lose control. To surrender. To open the gate and let yourself run. One of the most frightening things is that we have to learn how to settle without fences.
I've experienced this since I left the church a couple of years ago. When I was in the church as a pastor there were all kinds of invisible and unconscious controls to keep me a good man, faithful, moral, married and well-behaved. It wasn't too long ago when I realized the gate was open. The props to keep me had fallen. The weirdest part of the revelation was that I always thought I was free. I never realized I was kept. Until it dawned on me. I have to tell you, honestly, that this was one of the most terrifying moments in my life. I could run away from everything.
Freedom is scary. It means seeing the confusion and pain in the faces of those you love as you attempt to find your feet again in this new geography. It means growing up. It means choosing your own commitments rather than them being chosen for you. It means being good without an audience. It means being wise because it is necessary. It means being self-governing. It means deciding to love because this is all there is.
I am so thankful for my good friends, but mostly my children and especially my amazing Lisa who watch me with care and grace. I love you so much.
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