Spiritual Abuse Can Make You Unsure

Spiritual Abuse Can Make You Unsure

controlling cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward


A pastor says to a person, “How dare you say I’m controlling. I will tell YOU when I’m controlling!”

I’ve served abusive spiritual leaders.

They are skilled at making you unsure.

Like spiritual dentists, they can do more damage when you’re numb. 

I mean you can’t feel their abuse as pain. You’re not sure what it is. All you know is that it’s happening, you can’t feel things, something’s wrong, and there’s nothing you can do.

I’ll share a couple stories.

One pastor asked what my problem was with him. I said, “I find you controlling!” He poked me in the chest and said I needed a therapist and exorcism. This was such an overwhelming response that I questioned myself. Maybe he was right? Maybe I do need help? Maybe I’m being deceived?

Years later I worked for a ministry. The founder started acting like a cult-leader. I wrote him an email expressing my concern. He immediately fired me, warned everyone about me, and enlisted everyone to assist in ruining me and my family. Again, his overwhelming response made me question myself. 

For people who’ve never been in these situations, you may not understand the power these people have over you. Their arrogance mixed with our confusion about spiritual authority is a potent mixture.

Now I know they did not possess that power inherently. I gave it to them. 

As soon as I saw this and stopped playing, they lost their power over me, which elicited from them even more violence.

This is how abusers work. Including spiritual ones.

So remember: as soon as you realize the only power they have is only what you give them, this will immediately change everything.

It won’t be pretty. But it will be over. 

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