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The problem with reality is that our minds constantly re-define what that is. The mind is incredibly skillful at protecting its own ideas about itself and therefore the world it finds itself in. It will always adjust what reality is to fit its own agenda and wishes.
Once in a while, though, the pain of reality invades us in such a shocking manner that our minds don't have time to buffer and reshape it. We need to take advantage of those traumatic moments and let truth in its most raw form sink in. It's in these moments we may experience true transformation.