The Four Gods of Deconstruction

A man walks with God as God disappears over 4 frames.

THE FOUR GODS OF DECONSTRUCTION

These are my stages of belief in God:

Jealous: This God tolerated no competition. God demanded 100% obsessive loyalty or God would get angry. I believed what God dictated. I read the Bible and approved theology only. It was domination, absorption and slavery. At times pleasant, at times miserable. My life wasn’t mine, but God’s.

Gracious: Then God said God was revealed to all people, ideas and religions and invited me to explore. God was still jealous because I had to find God in them. This was an intense time of integrating ideas. God was gracious, loved the whole world, and through the work of Christ the whole world was reconciled to God.

Releasing: If God loved me God would let me go. If I loved God then God would take me back. God was no longer insecure, but could even handle questions about God! My ideas about God were not God. I could question my ideas and reject them as not God. Whatever remained that was true, I would be faithful to this. God let me go.

All: Finally I had an epiphany. I saw the unity of reality! We are one. I saw what seems to divide us is language. There’s one reality with many apprehensions and articulations. Unity in diversity! This gave a peace that passes understanding. I experienced “God” as a present absence. Everywhere and nowhere the same.

I experienced terror when falling into the next stages of belief because I was losing God or rejecting God. Or my idea of God. But peace of mind finally settled in when I saw that the All truly is All and now rest in this mystery.