the slow long thaw

I said to Lisa that I'll have a better idea how I feel today tomorrow. It's true. Part of it has to do with my personality. It takes me a while to get in touch with what I'm really feeling deep down inside. But there's another reason too. When we experience some kind of trauma... especially abuse... a part of us... the abused part... freezes over. But when we intentionally begin the healing process, the ice starts to thaw. I'm not saying I was abused, but I certainly experienced one of the most severe traumas of my life when I left the ministry and the church a couple of years ago. I froze over. Eventually, when it became blatantly obvious that I had frozen over, I sought help. Then the thaw began. It's taking a loooooooooong time. So, the interesting thing is, I might think I'm doing really well right now. I can actually feel great and say, "I've made it!" But tomorrow will come and I'll improve even further. More thawing will have occurred. That's the problem with being frozen: you aren't aware of it. You're completely frozen over. It's only after you've thawed that you realize you were frozen. I have the support of an amazing wife and three incredible adult children. I also have a counselor I talk with every couple of weeks. That's about it. But they are like the rays of the sun in my life. They help my frozen parts to thaw.I feel great today. But I know I'll feel better tomorrow. I don't remember being this healthy and happy. Oh my! What's tomorrow going to be like? So I just want to encourage you: if you want to, you can feel better. But not just better! You can feel better than you can ever remember. I really believe this is true. I hope you do too.