What's Your Love Language?

love languages cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward

A therapist talks to a client: “I’m going to tell you the 5 love languages and you tell me which applies to you: words of affirmation; quality time; acts of service; physical touch; receiving gifts.” The client says, “Yes.”


This is about appreciating who you are in all your complexity.

Guess what! I love ALL love languages. At the same time! 

I know it suggests you have a preference that is your main language.

But not for me! 

Some people like being exactly this. Some people like being exactly that.

Me? I like being free of labels, preferences, and types.

I’m having fun here. 

Sure, I have a favorite love language (words of affirmation), a personality type (INFP), an Enneagram personality (4), and favorite wine (reds). 

I loved discovering my personality type, etcetera. But I felt that not only gave me permission to be who I was but to also explore beyond.

I refuse to be defined. And I refuse to allow definitions to dominate me.

I always surprise people, including myself, by acting out of character or liking something off brand for me.

These helpful tools are descriptive. 
The problem is when we make them prescriptive. 

Instead of: 

I prefer words of affirmation as my primary love language;

it becomes:

I can only receive love through words of affirmation and nothing else.

We love being described accurately. It makes us feel noticed, heard, and understood.

We shouldn’t love being controlled by predictive prescriptions of how we should be or behave.

So, let’s be free! Free to love freely. Love how we want to love as well as how our loved ones like to be loved. Let’s be loved how we prefer.

At any given time.

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