I really don't know what to say. I appreciate your comments, but we are still not seeing it. I'm still in a season of speechlessness. I'm at a place where I feel like my whole continent is shaking at the roots. The whole world is crashing in. The paradigm I have been comfortably operating in is imploding, and I can't presently see where else to go. I am a man in a house that is fully ablaze. There is no time to decide anything. It is only time to run. Run away from the flame. Get out of the house. NOW!
I don't think it is helpful to simply tweak the system. I don't think it is important anymore to upgrade our theology. I don't think it does a bit of good to provide a new edition to our doctrine. I think it is a waste of time to solidify a new position. Not another dogmatic theology?! Not another denomination?! Not another congregation with a new vision?! Not another religious blog?! Not another spirituality?! Not another strategy?! Not another program?! I'm sick of these. They are lukewarm. I spew them out of my mouth! They are tasteless, unhealthy, lack any nutrition, and are in fact toxic.
I want to make it clear that I am not unhappy with the community I am a part of. I have no problem with the communities of people out there. It is something else. It is the boat we sail in. It is the overarching paradigm which constantly tries to confine us by conforming us to itself. I think our community is quite free in many ways, and I appreciate it. It has been grueling but rewarding because of that. But we are still under the yoke of bondage because we all come to the community with visions of what it should be rather than seeing what it actually is. We are still not entirely free of expectations and the resulting judgments. Which means we still have not come to a place of love. We have yet to die to all that came before. The cross is still before us, and we are not yet nailed to it.
The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings
, and is from his Mannequin series. I thought it was appropriate that this mannequin is in a posture of prayer. It reminds me of us: it is only a posture, but there is no substance. We are not yet real. We are not yet alive because we refuse to die.