For church‚
I dressed modestly but they said that I need to dress up.
So I did and they said I shouldn't look like a harlot.
They offered weight-loss classes, so I knew my size was offensive.
So I stopped eating and showed my bones but they said they were demons.
Then I wore a ball cap and plaid shirt and arrived with my friend so they wondered if I was a lesbian.
When I showed a little cleavage they said I was making husbands fall.
But when I covered them up I was a prude denying my femininity.
I could never figure out what size to be or how to cover it.
So I stopped going.
Problem solved.