Don’t Be Tricked into Being Controlled!

"Being Controlled" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
“Being Controlled” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

One of the strongest driving forces of my life is the desire to be free.

Completely and totally free!

Yes, I’ve often found myself in situations where, when my discernment finally kicked in, I realized I was allowing myself to be controlled.

There are severely and overtly controlling people who prey on the weakness of entrapped people. I always found ways to avoid those.

But there are those who have figured out a more subversive and subtle way to control us, and that is by appealing to our more noble emotions like loyalty, faithfulness, and perseverance.

Unfortunately, I found myself being controlled by such leaders… with my collaboration.

When I finally saw the relationship for what it was… a toxic codependency… I made the break.

Our efforts to release ourselves from these leaders’ crippling grasps are still painful, traumatic, and almost always publicly ridiculed because the leader comes across to outside observers as good. We find ourselves free from their control but now open to the criticism and even scorn of their admirers.

Take a deep breath, and look closely at your relationships. Are you being controlled?

Then it’s time to find a way out. Now!

(Need help? I make myself available to people in this situation. CLICK HERE to find out more.)

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2 Replies to “Don’t Be Tricked into Being Controlled!”

  1. Completely identify with this in the light of my recent work situation that ended David. Looking back at it, I can see that I too was complicit in it subconsciously while consciously thinking that I had handled situations well. The thing is, I’m not sure whether the leaders involved also were misguided or what they did was intentional in how the situation became as sad as it did. But yes, I identify as having been co-dependant and when coming to the realisation of that and doing something about it, receiving criticism, scorn and ridicule because to outsiders the leaders are seen as being good.

    I’m not saying love me love me I am a victim. In fact I would push back against the victim label. What happened forced me into a position to question why I allowed myself to get into that situation and face, for me, the most difficult thing of all – my own personal demons and ego. Now that neither of these have defeated me, I can look back and be grateful for the experience in what it has done in enabling me to make choices that have resulted in me being stronger and more confident.

    There are still feelings to process connected with loss and a grieving process to go through, so I am not saying everything is rosy but likely to be tough for a while. But I am grateful for the leaders for the experience I have had there in what they said about me being great at what I did in the job, of the awareness I have come to have because of what they have done and because of that the positive outlook I can have towards a similar position I am due to start soon, not to mention the positive thoughts and feelings I have about myself and the future for me!

    I have even felt love towards my previous leaders. But I think, they are to be pitied after all it must be a big loss to them to lose someone who is “great” at what they do.

    Thank you David for providing the opportunity to do the cathartic thing of sharing and to know I am not alone.


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