I appreciated you reading these. They are not in their finished form. When it comes to compiling these meditations into a book, they will be in a different order and more refined. Thanks!
Okay, here we go.
This one’s going to hurt.
My fellow Canadian Bruce Cockburn sings the beautiful song “Waiting for a Miracle“. One verse goes like this:
Struggle for a dollar, scuffle for a dime
Step out from the past and try to hold the line
So how come history takes such a long, long time
When you’re waiting for a miracle?
Another fellow Canadian Leonard Cohen sang “Waiting for the Miracle” that expresses the same sentiment:
Nothing left to do
when you know that you’ve been taken.
Nothing left to do
when you’re begging for a crumb
Nothing left to do
when you’ve got to go on waiting
waiting for the miracle to come.
In the 2007 version of the movie “3:10 to Yuma“, Dan Evans, a failing farmer with a wounded leg, musters the courage to go after the outlaw Ben Wade for a good price. His wife doesn’t want him to engage in such a dangerous pursuit. Dan says:
“I’ve been standin’ on one leg for three damn years waitin’ for God to do me a favor… and He ain’t listenin’.”
When I heard Evans say that, a huge light with a dreadfully exposing brilliance went on: I’d been waiting for a big rescue, and it just wasn’t happening.
I recently read in The Prosperous Coach, “Neediness is creepy.”
Yes, it is.
Neediness emits a strong scent. When we sink into neediness, even though we may not intend to, we subconsciously figure out ways to transmit our neediness to those around us.
I must be honest: I did that.
I’m feeling a little embarrassed to be sharing this, but I feel I must because I think neediness is rampant, especially among spiritual folk, and that it’s very unhealthy and crippling.
Because I believed the unhealthy thought that I shouldn’t want money or even need it, I had to figure out spiritual ways to get it.
My first source of rescue was God. My second was God’s people.
Out of my neediness I would pray for help, and miraculously God came through via the caring people around me.
Or was it miraculous?
Here’s the thing: I had to translate my disdain for the desire for money and even the need of money into a spirituality I could abide. I transmuted it into humility and dependence on the Lord. Because I was surrounded by caring people who also desired to be spiritual, they would come through for me. I now believe I was emitting my neediness subliminally, and the caring people around me detected my neediness and felt obliged, being spiritual themselves, to be generous and provide for my needs. To be fair, I wasn’t just a receiver, but also a provider as well. I rescued people too. We all played.
Food would appear. Money would be mailed. Babysitting would be provided. Cars would get fixed. Tabs would be covered. Trips would be given. Bills would be mysteriously paid. Etcetera, etcetera.
We all conspired together in this operation and wrapped it up as miracle. There was desperation, prayer, and provision, all the components of a miraculous Divine intervention and rescue.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m deeply grateful for how our spiritual scheme worked. And I’m very happy that I was able to help others when I could. But looking back now I can see how we were all complicit in a sick spirituality around money.
When I left the ministry and my salary in 2010, I knew that my strategy of waiting for a miracle was no longer appropriate and that I was going to have to do something for myself. I needed to overcome my neediness and take care of myself and my family.
For many people the temptation to slip back into neediness is sometimes irresistible, but it always means relinquishing our own power.
Here’s some homework:
1. Do you think you sometimes live in a state of neediness?
2. Is neediness your goto coping strategy for financial hardship?
3. How have you spiritualized your negative attitude about money?
4.What is one thing you can do to empower and take care of yourself?
See you tomorrow!
Do you need help getting over your money hangups so you can get on with your life? Are you a pastor leaving the ministry? Or are you someone who’s going through deep changes in your faith? I facilitate an online community for people like you. But I also coach people one-on-one through these traumatic transitions. Read more about my coaching HERE.