The Gracious God is the Last One to Go

"Thoughts About God" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
“Thoughts About God” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward


The deconstruction of our beliefs and the loss of our faith as we know it is a scary process.

There’s not only the fear of displeasing God, punishment, and Hell. There’s also the fear of losing God himself.

For many going through this traumatic transition, they take it gradually. They go from a disciplinarian God to a strict but kind father-like God to finally a gracious and compassionate God.

Then, when they begin to realize that even this gracious God is a mental construct, a kind of ideological idol, they feel the pain of having to let this God go too.

This God is so gracious that he lets us go. This gracious God is the perfect fulfillment of the saying, “If you love something, let it go. If it was yours it will return to you.” So this gracious God lets us go.

That’s what grace does. That’s what love does.

In a strange but necessary spiritual movement, our imagination sets us free from itself to experience reality itself.

Then comes the real work of coming to grips with this new reality. Now we know that the idea is not the thing. The word is not the thing. What is beyond the idea? What is beyond the word? We painfully realize that we can never know until we drop the word and the idea. We can never venture into the dark space of what actually is without leaving the land of belief.

Which is why most people don’t dare! We may cling to our idea of a gracious God until the day we die. We are free to do that. Everyone is free to land and stay where they choose. I’m convinced, though, that there must be something beyond the thoughts and the beliefs attached to them, no matter how wonderful and grand they are. Is there something beyond the conceptual?

Yes, this is terrifying. But yes, this is necessary. If ever we are to know what is.

Are you here right now? I know how scary and difficult it is. I coach people through this process. Talk with me.

If you’re wondering, “What does David believe?”, download my Z-Theory.

Download my eBook "Money is Spiritual" for just $10!

4 Replies to “The Gracious God is the Last One to Go”

  1. Hmm – interesting reading your thoughts as always David.

    So the assumption you have is “even this gracious God is a mental construct” and with grace and love letting go and “our imagination sets us free from itself to experience reality itself.”

    So you presuppose God to be a mental construct and letting go of this frees us to experience reality.

    By the way, I’m not being pejorative or intentionally being oppositional. Just looking to understand where you are coming from.

    We all have assumptions and presuppositions and the process of deconstruction constructs that which has been dismantled i.e a set of assumptions and presuppositions. albeit that change may have happened in the process.

  2. I hear what you are saying. Coming to your cartoon a second time I’m looking at the thought’s about God and God being outside of that.

    My guess is that this is what you are looking at when you talk about “this gracious God” referring to the thoughts of a gracious God and we certainly won’t experience reality if we don’t let go of our thinking.

    So our thinking being the thing to let go of and that being what grace and love does. So not having attachment to certain thoughts. With what you say about it being terrifying could I suggest that about emotions too? Not having attachments to them?

    Would you say that what you are advocating is not all that dissimilar to the “cloud of unknowing” or the “dark night of the soul” ? So maybe grace and love being both what is terrifying at times and at others ushers in an ability to experience reality, something beyond beliefs, thoughts and fears?

    Thanks – interesting stuff.


  3. Hmmmmm…. as someone that has deconstructed, and reconstructed, and is still a believer… I would offer a different analysis.

    There is certainly a god beyond my imagination. I agree with you there.

    However, there is an interface between me and god. In that interface, I find good use of the word “Father”. As I go through my day, and the Spirt directs me to help people (they come to mind; and an insight/analogy/history pops up that is too clear to be only me), I call that interface the “Spirit” or “Holy Spirit”.

    In my interface, I seldom pray to “Jesus” – for some reason that name does not resonate well with me (during my time in the interface).

    So, there is certainly something beyond my interfacing, and my constructs.

    But that is OK.

    I think our idea of deconstruction and reconstruction is similar, David. I agree that the process is scary, and a person that enters the process will most often leave with an evolved philosophy.

    But the interface may continue and be quite deeper than before.

Comments are closed.