8 Warning Signs You're in a Controlling Church

Have you ever wondered if you're in a controlling church?

Over the years, I've realized something: many people don’t recognize when they're being manipulated, coerced, or pressured within a church. It often feels subtle at first, but over time, the control becomes clear.

Here are 8 signs that you might be in a controlling church—or even in a controlling relationship of any kind:

1. Power is not shared.

Decisions are made by a select few, with no room for input or dialogue.

2. Your needs and desires are denied

Your personal well-being takes a backseat to the institution’s goals.

3. If you don't comply you will be ignored or worse.

If you don’t fall in line, you may be ignored, shunned, or worse.

4. Your discontent is your fault

When you express concerns, you're made to feel like the problem.

5. More put-downs than encouragement

Feedback is framed as "constructive criticism," but it’s mostly discouraging.

6. Doubts and questions are seen as betrayal

Honest inquiries are met with suspicion, as if you're turning against the faith.


7. Shame keeps you in line

8. Your life is micromanaged

Even personal decisions seem to require the church’s approval or oversight.

Have you experienced this? I know I have. Not only as a church member, but as a pastor, I was guilty of this kind of control until I recognized the harm I was causing and knew I had to change.

Recognizing Spiritual Abuse and Finding Freedom

It's essential to recognize that spiritual abuse often disguises itself as guidance or care, but it is a form of church manipulation that deeply harms individuals. If you're experiencing these signs, you might be dealing with religious trauma, where the very place meant to nurture your spirit is instead causing you distress. Escaping a controlling church can be daunting, but acknowledging these clues is the first step toward reclaiming your spiritual freedom and finding a community that truly respects and supports you.