Deconstructing and Your Kids

deconstructing and your kids cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward

Description: A mom and dad are with their son. She says, “Honey, daddy and I are questioning our beliefs.” He responds, “Well, it’s about time!”


I’m asked how we deconstructed in front of our kids.

Deconstruction isn’t an event. It’s a lifestyle. 

It’s living a life committed to constantly questioning and dismantling our conditioning.

So our kids never witnessed us freaking out about beliefs.

Instead, what they saw, and still see, are adults committed to growth. They saw people curious about what was true and fearless to pursue it. They watched us develop, progress, and grow.

If you think you need to bequeath to your children a solid belief system, forsake that notion now. Would you do that to yourself? No! Don’t do it to them either.

Like a good teacher, we don’t just teach the what, we teach the how. Not “know this” but “find out”. The best teachers teach us how to learn, not what to know.

So, good parents don’t teach children how to be mini-me's but how to be their own, autonomous, independent selves. They encourage their children to find out their own way of being themselves, including their own way of being spiritual.

When our kids saw Lisa and I argue, we also let them see us make up. We lived openly, transparently, and honestly, so our kids would learn valuable skills on how to be authentic people in a relationship with another authentic person who was always growing.

We let them see us doubt, question, explore, and discover.

And we talked about it openly.

Why? So that they wouldn’t be afraid of change and avoid it but invite it and choose it as a lifestyle.

Change in front of your kids!

Then watch them change in front of you!

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