Do You Feel Suspended Between Life and Death?

Sophia "Suspended" (From my graphic story book The Liberation of Sophia)

Of all my work, I get the most emotional and meaningful feedback from mostly women who are reading this book. It's got 59 Sophia images (also available in my shop), each with a meditation describing the journey of my soul (Sophia) out of bondage into freedom.

Here's the image of Sophia Suspended with its meditation on one of the most intense, dark, and confusing periods of deconstruction.) At times I didn't know whether I was dead or alive. I was suspended somewhere between them.

sophia suspended drawing nakedpastor david hayward

Suspended between death and life. Somehow I knew I wasn't fully conscious. Yet. Somehow I knew I wasn't fully unconscious. Anymore. Like sleep.

The problem with being suspended is that it is full of suspense. Day after day after day I lived in a kind of stupor. I felt like I could sleep forever. Exhausted! Fatigued.

I knew the acute intensity of my journey was the main contributing factor. I knew I had to move on but I had no strength to do it.

I wasn't dead. But I wasn't alive either.

It was my three days in the tomb. Or thirty. Or three-hundred.

What do you do in the in-between places? What do you do between life and death? What do you do‚ in a tomb?

Rest. Wait. Sleep. I was no longer a captive.

But I had not yet fully grown into my freedom.

I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to do freedom.

But I knew it would come. I knew that this long, groggy period of suspension would eventually end. I knew the stone would be rolled away.

I knew the grave clothes would be unwrapped.

I knew I would be fully alive.


But I had to rest.
I had to wait.

So I decided to grant myself the fatigue.

I made myself rest.
I made myself wait.

I was full of suspense.

But I knew I would be full of surprise.


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