Does Losing Your Beliefs Mean Losing Your Partner?

Changing beliefs change your marriage. (You MUST read my book, “Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage” on Amazon and Kindle).

For most couples, this is a terrifying experience.

But it doesn’t have to be bad.

"losing my beliefs losing you" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

Description: A husband and wife are having their morning coffee at the table. She says, “I’m afraid I’m losing my beliefs.” He responds, “I’m afraid I’m losing YOU!”


I claim that changing beliefs is a sign of growth. You no longer believe the same things you did as a child. This applies to your theology too. Or, it should!

When Lisa and I got married, we were very young Pentecostals madly in love.

“Were” Pentecostals. STILL madly in love.

But I’ll be honest… there was a period of time when our beliefs were changing, when our relationship to the church was changing, and when we were leaving the ministry… that we weren’t sure our marriage was going to survive.

It was a most difficult and scary time.

We really did feel like we were losing each other.

But we made it. Why? Because we started to realize that we didn’t marry each other’s beliefs. We married each other.

Here’s how I say it: I didn’t marry Lisa because of WHAT she thought, but because of HOW she thought. I married the incredibly beautiful and fascinating and wise person beneath all of her manifestations, including her beliefs.

And her with me.

Take my advice: if your partner’s beliefs are changing, you aren’t necessarily losing them. They are developing, growing, and deepening their spiritual selves.

And if you stick with them through their transformation, you will discover your partner on the other side… themselves but changed.

Of course, I should add… if your partner chooses to dislike and disapprove of your change and decides that you’re over, that’s their problem. If you have any sense of self-care, personal growth and transformation is healthy and inevitable.

A loving relationship isn’t meant to be a trap, a prison, or a constraint, but a place where personal growth is encouraged, appreciated, and expected.

Read my book. It is helping a lot of people!

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