How to Change in Front of Your Kids

really good at swearing cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward

A child in the backseat of a car says to his mom who is driving, “Mom, since we stopped going to church you’ve gotten really good at swearing!”


I’m often asked how we deconstructed in front of our kids.

I need to be clear: I don’t consider deconstruction an event, but a lifestyle. 

Deconstruction isn’t necessarily an ah-hah moment where we jump tracks to another one. 

Rather, it’s living a life committed to dismantling our conditioning.

It’s a dying daily. 
It’s a behold we are a new creation daily.

So our kids never witnessed us freaking out about beliefs.

Rather, what they saw, and still see, are adults committed to growth whatever that means. They saw people curious about what was true and fearless to pursue it. 

If you think you need to bequeath to your children a solid belief system, forsake that notion now. You wouldn’t do that to yourself. Don’t do it to them either.

Like a good teacher, we don’t just teach the what, we teach the how. Not “know this” but “find out”.

Good parents don’t teach children how to be a mini-me's but how to be their own, autonomous, independent selves.

When our kids saw Lisa and I argue, we also let them see us reconcile. We lived openly, transparently, and honestly, believing our kids would learn valuable skills on how to be authentic human beings in relationship with another authentic human being who were always growing.

We let them see us doubt, question, explore, and discover. 

We let them see us change so that they wouldn’t be afraid of it and avoid it but invite it and choose it as a lifestyle.

Change in front of your kids!
Then watch them change in front of you!

Back to blog

Leave a comment