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A pastor says to his congregation: "Shame was always used to make me fall inline. It worked because it's the easiest and most immediate way to control people. But it damaged me like it will damage you. If you ever catch me shaming you, please tell me! Shame is a hard habit to break."
Wouldn't that be nice to witness?
SHAME IS A HARD HABIT TO BREAK:
Shame is a powerful emotion.
So, many weaponize it.
The interesting thing is that when I talk about shame, people rush to its defense.
Because it works.
People who use shame would rather you conform than transform.
It’s one thing to think, “I didn’t do that and I should have” or “I did that and I shouldn’t have”.
It’s another thing to think you are a terrible person who can never measure up to the standards set for you by yourself and others.
My advice to people who feel shame:
Think of yourself as a winner who stumbled, not as a loser who will never amount to anything.
My advice to people who use shame to manipulate others:
Be like the pastor in this cartoon.