THIS ISN’T LOVE
A man says to his bride, “I love you just the way you are but I love you too much to leave you that way.”
The sun shines and the rain rains on all of us. Indiscriminately. That’s love.
What is this man implying to this woman?
- His love comes with conditions.
- He’s lying because the second part negates the first.
- There’s something wrong with her.
- She needs to change.
- He’s superior.
- She has work to do.
- She’s his project and he plans on fixing her.
- He will love her more if she changes according to his wishes.
- He’ll withhold love until she changes.
- He says things too good to be true, like he loves her. He doesn’t. He loves his idea of her.
He doesn’t love her fully yet and won’t until she completes his fantasy of who she should be.
See how hurtful, harmful, and loveless it is?
But in a culture where we believe that we are bad, sinners, broken, unworthy; that we need to change; that we need divine intervention to save us from who we are… then this all makes sense.
This is why the minister is smiling… because he taught him to think this way about people. He thinks this is how God thinks. So this is how we should think too.
In fact, many believe their God is disgusted with them and must change them into how he wants them to be. They think this is love when it’s actually the very definition of hatred.
Ironically, love with no strings attached is the most profound climate for personal transformation because it’s about the personal and volitional desire to grow and love and be loved more deeply.
Now that’s love.