What it Feels Like to Leave the Ministry

I left the ministry many times. Once when my contract was discontinued without my knowledge. Another time when I quit because I felt trapped. Then another time because I was fired.

Finally, the last time, I quit for good because‚ well‚ it's a long story.

But it mostly had to do with the incompatibility of my theology with the church I was pastoring at the time. All traumatic. But especially the last one.

There are many reasons why pastors leave the ministry. Valid reasons.

I support pastors who are thinking of leaving, are leaving, or who have left the ministry. I do not judge them.

The difference between the first few times leaving the ministry and the last was huge. The first times I always felt I was still in the game, and it was a matter of time before I'd find another opportunity to serve as a pastor. But the last time I knew I was leaving for good, and it was devastating and traumatic.

It took me years to transition. It required lots of help from coaches, therapy, Lisa, and a few trustworthy friends.

The biggest factor in me leaving the ministry was the loss of meaning. The ministry, for most pastors, is packed full of purpose, a sense of meaning, a feeling of destiny. We're serving God and his people for life, sacrificing our own wellbeing for the wellbeing of others. Our whole life is serving one single purpose, and that is to serve others in the gospel. I was a pastor in the lineage of Eugene Peterson, probably the greatest pastoral theologian at the time, who wrote the book that says it all, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.

Yes! This was me.

Like his analogy, I was faithfully planting acorns, patiently clinging to the promise that decades later they may bear fruit in the form of an oak tree in the lives of healthy people and healthy churches. Then, suddenly, I left. In 2010. Sure, there were all kinds of other issues, like income, friends, community, reputation, being judged, and so on.

But the greatest crisis was the sudden loss of meaning, purpose, and destiny. Now, years later, I help other pastors transition. I want to provide resources, tools, understanding, support, and community‚ things I needed and had difficulty finding during my transition.