Healing your inner child is one of the most incredible journeys you can take. It might sound trivial to some, but those who truly feel what I’m saying will know exactly what I mean.
It’s hard living your adult life when the little version of yourself that still lives inside you is hurt or bruised. Those wounds can last a lifetime if we don’t try to make amends with who we were as children. I began this journey many years ago and realized just how many people feel the same.
I didn’t intend to write about inner child healing but after commissioning this inner child artwork for Rebecca, so many people resonated with it. So, I created a gender-neutral version as a print. It is a reminder that the younger you did what they could. They survived.
These are three things that have helped me in healing my inner child, and I’m sharing them in the hope that they might help you too.
1. Allow Yourself To Feel
If your inner child is hurting, sometimes you don’t quite understand the small ache you carry around in your chest every day. It’s not until we notice it, feel it, and accept it that we can begin to heal. That’s why it’s important to be vulnerable.
What it means to “feel” will look different for all of us. Maybe it’s crying on your bed. Maybe it’s journaling. Maybe it’s getting angry and sitting with that emotion. A moment or moments of solitude can help your emotional health; it is important.
Often we are afraid of anger, so we hide from it. But let me be clear. I don’t mean hateful anger, violent anger, or cruelty. I mean allowing yourself to sit with the feeling. What I’ve learned about anger is that extreme hurt often hides underneath it. Anger can feel easier to deal with than pain, but anger itself rarely brings healing. When we allow ourselves to feel the hurt beneath it, that’s when real release happens and the inner child work begins.
2. Mourn The Childhood You Never Had
I think one of the hardest things is actually allowing yourself to feel sad and truly mourn. It’s easy to resent, feel sorry for yourself, or get angry, but truly mourning the part of your childhood you never got takes real courage. There’s power in vulnerability for healing.
Maybe you didn’t have the loving parent or parents you deserved. Maybe you didn’t experience a joyful, warm Christmas, or even have a truly happy birthday. These feelings are valid. The younger version of you deserved all of those things.
So mourn, my friend. Cry and feel the sadness. And then, ultimately, let it go.
Mourning is an important part of the process because it allows you to recognize what you missed out on. But what matters most is that, through mourning, you eventually say goodbye to those angry, hurtful feelings. It’s about reparenting your inner child.
Mourning isn’t linear, and it’s far from easy. But when you give yourself permission to grieve and choose to let the hurt go, it will gradually begin to fade.
3. Speak Lovingly To Your Inner Child
When you’ve been told you aren’t good enough for as long as you can remember, those critical and self-deprecating voices can become deeply ingrained.
Even if you’ve learned to quiet them, the bruises may still remain. One practice that helped me was speaking lovingly to my inner child..
In a gentle voice, I imagined telling little David that I shared his pains, the abuse, the struggles, the confusion, and the hardships. All the difficult things he was going to experience.
But I also comforted him. I told him that although those experiences would shape his life, they would not destroy him. He would survive them. And one day he would even look back with gratitude for the strength they helped him discover.
When I finished, my heart felt bigger. I loved myself more. And because of that, I found I could love others more too.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Healing your inner child is by no means an easy process. Some days will feel harder than others. Some days your younger self will need more love and patience.
But look at the person you are today. Look at how you’ve grown and how you continue to grow.
I know I can’t fix everything your inner child went through, but I hope this helps guide you toward showing your younger self more grace and care.
You may not have received the love you needed growing up. But you can give that love to yourself now. You are here now. You are safe. You can take it from here. You can carry them to safety.
