Sex With Your Deconstructing Partner

We were young Pentecostals madly in love when we got married.  I remember the moment I first laid eyes on her.  I wasn't drawn to her beliefs. What I first noticed was her beauty. Then, when I got to know her, I fell in love with her person. 

She fell in love with me. Never did we explore one another's beliefs. 

Years later, when we started deconstructing our beliefs, we had to figure something out fast!

sex with your deconstructing partner cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward


Description: A couple in bed. The husband says to his wife, "The bible compares the relationship between a husband and his wife to the relationship between Christ and his Church but since you're deconstructing your beliefs you're nothing like the Church and how can I have sex with that?"


When our beliefs changed, we feared we were losing an important ingredient in the glue that held us together.

Then we recalled what originally attracted us to each other.

It was our physical attraction. That hasn't changed.

And it was our personalities. That hasn't changed.

What I mean is I fell in love with the WAY Lisa thought, not with WHAT she thought.

I fell in love with the person who manifests herself in all kinds of wondrous ways. I didn't fall in love with the manifestations. I fell in love with she who manifests them.

Like the river in front of my house, I love the river, this river that is different every hour but is always the same river.

I hope this guy in the cartoon figures out soon that he isn't having sex with her beliefs, but with her.

I have a whole book on this topic, “Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage” on Amazon & Kindle.

Related Deconstruction Resources

5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality (and how to heal)
Can Your Marriage Survive Deconstruction?
Navigating the Deconstruction Journey

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