Christmas Music Digital Cartoon

Christmas is different now.

Christmas and Easter are the two peak times of the year for Christians and the Church.

But Christmas is the loudest.

It starts in November and won’t leave you alone for two whole months.

I feel it the most in shopping spaces where they’re playing Christmas music. All. The. Time.

I think for most of us deconstructing, music is one of the biggest reminders of what we went through and what we’re questioning and maybe even leaving. Music is so emotional and memory-rich and deeply embeds itself in our hearts. It conjures up so much. Yes?

So Christian music in general is difficult to hear when we’re deconstructing. But Christmas music… it invades even our public spaces. Like stores!

For many years I found it, not only annoying, but triggering.

It not only churned up all the memories from Church.

It also reminded me that I was deconstructing— questioning my beliefs, including the Christmas story.

This was in layers. Layers like…

I wonder if the gospel birth narratives are historical fact.

This means I question the historicity of Jesus.

So, I also doubt the apparent fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecies.

But, if all these are questionable, then what does that do to the Christian campaign altogether?

And if all these are up for debate, how deeply does this undermine the whole Church enterprise I was so invested in?

Ya, just hearing a sweet little Christmas song could catapult me down that whole scenario and throw me into an internal crisis… right there in the store.

I think this is most associated with the anger phase of deconstruction when we’ve realized we’ve been duped and someone’s gotta pay.

Or maybe the depression phase too because when we’re depressed the last thing we need is a cheerful little ditty.

Plus, maybe we have come to realize that everyone bopping around shopping is a big façade concealing their sadness and fear and struggle.

We think: It’s all fake, just like Church was.

At least these are some of the thoughts that went through my mind.

Now?

Now, I endure it. Sometimes I even appreciate it. There are some Christmas songs I love. But they do not connect for me on a factual historical level.

I’ve gotten to the place where I can remember without reliving.

How about you?