This is something I wrote for my online community The Lasting Supper. Please join us as we wrestle together with such issues as walking in darkness.
Here it is:
We go through several spiritual stages. I know I have.
Here’s the trick though:
As you proceed through these various stages, the voice of That Which We Call God grows quieter and quieter and, in my experience, completely silent.
You see, in the past as I grew closer to what I thought was God, this God helped me proceed. He guided me. I heard things like, “I’m here. Turn right. Turn left. Stop. Rest. Go.”
Then, later, I heard such things as, “I’m with you. You won’t hear from me much, but I’m with you always.” This was the place where I heard the well-worn phrase, “The teacher doesn’t talk while you’re writing the test.”
But then my theology took a sudden turn. In fact, it disappeared. I will go into this at another time. But theology, as useful as it was to me at the time, became… well… you know the story of Buddha’s raft: once he crossed the stream it was no longer needed. He was grateful for it, but it had served its purpose.
That described what I felt.
I now know what it is, constantly to have complete peace of mind in regards to this. My mind, in this particular regard… is at peace. Spiritually, it is at rest. Always. Finally.
But the famous Cloud of Unknowing doesn’t seem to want to let me stop there.
What I’m discovering is that the Cloud of Unknowing isn’t a passage, but a place. It’s here. Now. Always. And the unveiling of the Mystery stands in suspense before me.
So my guess is that I must learn, in time, to appreciate where I am, to enjoy the beauty of this place, to be embraced by the Mystery with no words or images.
What if I find there is no Examiner, and that there never was a test, and that all this was a fabrication of my fearful mind to concoct and adopt stories that made sense… for a time… and that all I ever needed to do was live in the Blessing of the Benediction of Here and Now and Forever?
Last night I stood outside in the bitter cold and looked up at the stars. In that one moment all eternity stood with me. It was full, rich, and enough.
The darkness has become my friend. We’re adjusting to each other.
Peace my friends,