Deeper Into the Darkness

"Darkness" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

“Darkness” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

This is something I wrote for my online community The Lasting Supper. Please join us as we wrestle together with such issues as walking in darkness.

Here it is:

We go through several spiritual stages. I know I have.

Here’s the trick though:

As you proceed through these various stages, the voice of That Which We Call God grows quieter and quieter and, in my experience, completely silent.

You see, in the past as I grew closer to what I thought was God, this God helped me proceed. He guided me. I heard things like, “I’m here. Turn right. Turn left. Stop. Rest. Go.”

Then, later, I heard such things as, “I’m with you. You won’t hear from me much, but I’m with you always.” This was the place where I heard the well-worn phrase, “The teacher doesn’t talk while you’re writing the test.”

But then my theology took a sudden turn. In fact, it disappeared. I will go into this at another time. But theology, as useful as it was to me at the time, became… well… you know the story of Buddha’s raft: once he crossed the stream it was no longer needed. He was grateful for it, but it had served its purpose.

That described what I felt.

I now know what it is, constantly to have complete peace of mind in regards to this. My mind, in this particular regard… is at peace. Spiritually, it is at rest. Always. Finally.

But the famous Cloud of Unknowing doesn’t seem to want to let me stop there.

What I’m discovering is that the Cloud of Unknowing isn’t a passage, but a place. It’s here. Now. Always. And the unveiling of the Mystery stands in suspense before me.

So my guess is that I must learn, in time, to appreciate where I am, to enjoy the beauty of this place, to be embraced by the Mystery with no words or images.

What if I find there is no Examiner, and that there never was a test, and that all this was a fabrication of my fearful mind to concoct and adopt stories that made sense… for a time… and that all I ever needed to do was live in the Blessing of the Benediction of Here and Now and Forever?

Last night I stood outside in the bitter cold and looked up at the stars. In that one moment all eternity stood with me. It was full, rich, and enough.

The darkness has become my friend. We’re adjusting to each other.

Peace my friends,

david

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4 Responses

  1. Caryn LeMur says:

    It sounds like you’ve become more of a mystic – where the worship, adoration, and amazement of God includes the light, the dark, the unknown, and all that He made.

    Rather than trying to comprehend, the mystic enjoys the incomprehensible.

  2. one doesn’t call oneself a mystic 😉

  3. David Waters says:

    RI hard Rohr calls himself and the Franciscan way a mystic/mysticism. Mother Theresa spoke of the silence of God. As though she seriously doubted. I’ve come to understand every belief is a stepping stone. We find what gets us through and we let go when we no longer need it. Those who cling cease to grow. Be fearless.

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