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This drawing is inspired by the Ouroboros Snake... of the snake eating its own tail.
What came first? The chicken or the egg? What came first? The thug or the theology? I read Tony Jones' thoughts on Mark Driscoll.
Jones has always admired Driscoll, maybe envies him a little, wants the best for him, believes he can be redeemed, and suggests that things can be restored.
What I found most interesting though is that Jones believes the problem with Driscoll is theological.
That is, did Driscoll become the focus of concern because of his theology? Or was it because of his behavior?
I'm concerned that Jones' post reflects the refusal of the church to understand spiritual abuse. It neglects the pathology of its abusive leaders. I don't think this is being fair to the victims or the perpetrators of spiritual abuse. People are victims of not just a bad theology, but a pathological cruelty.
I don't think Driscoll's theology made this happen. Driscoll "embraced" his toxic version of theology because it aligned with his moral compass. It fit his personality. It worked for him to achieve his goals. Then it manifested the worst in him. Then he continued to develop his toxic theology in order to make more room for his pathological behavior. Mars Hill Church too.
Jones' sentence, "It could have happened to any of us." is true, because I believe we all participate in this dynamic. Theology is our creation. It is a reflection of our drives and desires.
Then, not satisfied to only be the product of our drives and desires, it also becomes the producer of them. Theology is a vicious cycle of our desperate need to understand and control our universe.
Step into this cycle at any point and you can see that we are both the root and fruit of our theology and pathology.
And yes, it spins out of control by manifesting itself in toxic, controlling, and abusive behavior. Nothing can be done about bad theology because of free thought and speech.
But we can do something when this manifests itself in bad behavior. Cruel theology is a nuisance. Cruel behavior is unacceptable.
When Driscoll thinks bully to his people, we can say please stop. But when he actually bullies people, we can step in and say you will stop now!
I don't think this is a theological issue. I think it is a pathological one. Not just for Driscoll and Jones, but for the entire church.
If we would be healed, our theology would take care of itself.
1079 comments
Dear Readers of Naked Pastor,
I will not echo all that Brad Cecil has said above, but I share his sentiments and my experience was the same: I got involved because Julie contacted me, and I was extremely worried about her. I got involved because Tony asked me for advice. I will not apologize for responding as any decent human on the planet would have done.
That night we responded to an urgent request for pastoral care and did so to the very best of our abilities, and with GREAT CONCERN for Julie and Tony. It was not a smear campaign, a conspiracy plan, a cover-up, or some attempt at saving an “empire.” As imperfectly as it may have unfolded, that does not UNDO the good intentions and honest care that was offered. I am extremely offended to have been accused of spiritual abuse. I agree with Brad that Julie’s accusation deserves an apology. It is a SERIOUS accusation and an unfair one.
I am not interested in getting mired in what would be an exhausting effort to correct all the misinformation on this thread despite my frustration at so many of my friends being unfairly judged and accused. Julie has assaulted my integrity on this issue for years and it needs to come to an end. I will only briefly address issues pertaining directly to me:
• The only woman mentioned that night in 2008 was JULIE. The only focus of conversation that night was saving Tony and Julie’s marriage. End of story.
• I have read through every email I ever exchanged with Phyllis Tickle. We never once discussed Julie. To my best recollection, I did not have a conversation with Phyllis about Julie.
• During every trip to Dallas Tony has ever had when I have seen him, I HAVE OBSERVED NO IMPROPRIETY, EVER.
I do not intend to return to this thread. I am not interested in fielding any further comments, accusations or questions about these matters. I have shared what I believe is far more than most everybody’s business. I suggest we use our energies to go do some good in the world, rather than spread more gossip.
@ Claire – I left a church about a year ago under what it sounds like similar circumstances. I had bullied and isolated by two women, and had a pastor who didn’t want to do anything about it. Interestingly, the bullying behavior was by two women were limited to a group that participated in a single church service, and when I left that service, stopped volunteering in the ministry I enjoyed the most, and stopped attending on anything other than Sunday morning, the bullying stopped. I realized much later, however, that they had actually won by isolating me in the community and limiting my participation. I finally left once other church leaders went on a shame-and-blame offensive to get people to volunteer again. I realized that not only would I be shamed and manipulated until I volunteered more, but that I would likely also face the same bullying behavior that I had previously faced a few years prior. That was my breaking point, and I left.
I made the tragic mistake of speaking with the pastor prior to our departure to express my concerns. He had previously been a pretty decent person and had provided good spiritual advice to me on unrelated issues. I was met with a response from someone who seemed like a completely different person. He repeatedly said that it was impossible to hold church leaders responsible for their treatment of others. He denied, attacked my personality, blamed my past experiences for my perceptions, blamed behavior within his church on things like deaths and illnesses, and threw in some non-apologies like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He took a problem that was serious (adult bullying) but addressable and magnified it greatly with his responses. It has the effect, unfortunately, of making the church he leads an unsafe place for the foreseeable future.
Like you, I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out why I was susceptible to this, why I didn’t foresee that the pastor would turn on me so quickly and completely, and how I can avoid churches like this in the future. My mantra has been “never again.” I don’t have any answers, but from all the reading I’ve done, I realize that Christian culture contributes to this greatly, as we are told that standing up for ourselves isn’t kind, and that confrontation and dissent is wrong if may hurt others. We are strongly encouraged to keep silence to maintain the perception of peace, even when it isn’t really there. As I look back, I recognize that there was a strong culture of silencing dissent, and the group as a whole had very little tolerance for criticism or even just suggestions for change, even where it was not directed at particular people. It also had a strong “inner circle” and had no interest in input from anyone outside that circle. I also recognize that I let denomination play a role. As a former evangelical, I put some faith in the fact that I was in a church that was part of a mainline, liberal denomination. I know now that liberal doctrine provides no guarantee of a functional or healthy church environment.
My advice for anyone leaving a church under circumstances where there has been any level of abuse or mistreatment, however mild, is to simply WALK AWAY. You already know that the church turns a blind eye to it, so it’s unlikely that confronting it head-on will yield any other response other than more denial or mistreatment. You can do this responsibly (if the abuse isn’t constant and/or widespread), if you are involved in volunteer work, by letting a leader know you won’t be returning and providing whatever practical instructions are needed to get that person up-to-speed. Do it in writing and don’t respond to questions asking why you aren’t participating in the ministry anymore. (I don’t think you need to tell those leaders you are leaving.) Then write a letter to the pastor telling them that it’s time for you to move on. I will quote Frank Viola (an evangelical writer for Patheos) on this point: “It is not a good idea to meet with your pastor in person and tell him/her all the things you don’t like about the way he/she runs the church. In addition, it’s unwise to criticize his/her sermons. Unless of course you want to be boiled in olive oil or roasted over a slow pit.” http://frankviola.org/2012/05/29/leavingchurch/
While I think Viola is mostly talking about churches that aren’t necessarily abusive, my experience was that you’re even more likely to be boiled in oil if you dare to speak out about church leaders who engage in bullying and/or abuse. In my case, speaking out ended up helping no one, did not stop the behavior, and probably helped the pastor to circle the wagons against future confrontation. And all it did is hurt me even more, and ruin collateral relationships since now I trust almost no one who still attends there. I know some people will disagree about the speaking out part, but for me, it was a total disaster.
I meant to include this link: http://io9.com/5974468/the-most-common-cognitive-biases-that-prevent-you-from-being-rational
David said, “I often think there isn’t malicious intent involved, just that they are so consumed and obsessed with the success of the perceived good impact they are having on the world that any kind of setback would be seen as unfortunate.” // Yep. Cognitive bias.
I would also like to make it clear that I have no investment in the outcome of this discussion. But I am heavily invested in the process. For me, what’s most important is that people feel free to tell their story. THEIR truth. My hope is that as we do this together, as a community… a community that not only shares agreement but disagreement… THE truth will eventually emerge so that the community and its members can be healed. I might have high hopes, but this is my hope… because I think it is possible. If only all would lay down their arms and talk truly.