Understanding The Loneliness That Comes With Deconstruction

Have you experience an increase in loneliness as you move further along your deconstruction journey? Because I have. 

I interact with a ton of people, and my observations and experience say that the biggest pain point for people who are deconstructing their beliefs and changing their relationship to the church is... loneliness.

deconstruction and loneliness cartoon nakedpastor david hayward

(This cartoon is available as a digital download)

I don't know why I expected any different. Because this is what all people experience who question the status quo and no longer follow the herd.

Deconstruction is spiritual independence. And independence can look and feel lonely.

Why Experiencing Loneliness During Your Deconstruction Isn't Necessarily Bad

There are a lot of reasons why I think this loneliness is actually healthy, and I talk about this a lot. 

One of the big reasons it's healthy is because often the community you miss may not have been good for you. It might have had qualities that prevented you from being your authentic self, that warned you against expressing your authentic self, and required you to conceal your authentic self in order to belong.

My number one advice for people starting to experience this loneliness is simple, but perhaps difficult to do, and that is... make new friendships or restore old ones. 

Lisa and I did this and it worked. It takes time and effort, but it's worth it.

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