How to Deal with the Loneliness of Deconstruction

Deconstruction and Loneliness

Deconstruction, like most other experiences of changes, can make people feel lonely because it questions meanings, rejects fixed ideas, and focuses on personal views, creating a sense of isolation as individuals deal with uncertainty and complexity. When I started my deconstruction journey I had no idea how lonely I would feel.

welcome to deconstruction how to deal with the loneliness of deconstruction by nakedpastor david hayward

( This image is available for download and licensing)

Understand that Loneliness Is A Normal Part of The Journey

Although deconstruction can be lonely I claim this is a good thing. Sometimes, the community we leave behind isn't good for us anymore. It might have been fine for a time but it's no longer.

It's time to venture out on our own and find our own way.

Deconstruction Means Spiritual Independence

It means no longer being dependent on others to show you the way.
It means no longer being codependent with others in toxic relationships.

It does mean learning how to claim your own agency and your autonomy to be self-determining. To be the captain of your own ship and the master of your life and the one driving who you are and how you are in the world.

Scary at first but after a while you get used to it.

And... you find others who get you because they too are spiritually independent and respect that in others.

True story! When I left the church in 2010, the loneliness was real. But Lisa and I intentionally tried to start making new friends, restoring older friendships, and taking advantage of meeting new people, including online, who love and appreciate us as our authentic selves.

And you can too.

I appreciate your presence in my life. I don't take it for granted. You allow me to be me. I allow you to be you. And together we learn what and how love is.

I love you all.

Back to blog

Leave a comment