Growing Together With Humor When Deconstructing While Married

Change is a natural part of life, and when we grow, our relationships change too. Changing your beliefs changes your relationships. Change and others must adapt if they want to stay in relationship with you. Same for marriage! If you change, your partner must change. If your partner changes, then you must change. We learn to adapt to the other, give them room to grow, and provide a safe space for their transformation to unfold.

But it’s important to have fun along the way.

I call this cartoon, “Streaming or Steamy Church”.

Lisa and I found that as we grew and changed it made it easier and happier if we could be lighthearted and even make fun of ourselves. Laughter is good medicine.  

This doesn’t mean we despise, ridicule, or shame our earlier lives. Rather, we hold our former selves with compassion as part of our story. We would not be who we are now if we hadn’t been who we were then. The fact that we can look back with gentleness on where we were and how we got here is affirming, liberating and joyful. Lisa was 19 and I was 22 when we got married. What did we know?! In our youthful Pentecostal naïveté, influenced by toxic purity culture messages, we wrestled with sexual and relational questions that are immaterial now. Even though we enjoyed each other, we were far too serious in our ardor for what was righteous. We had some self-liberating to do! So, we laugh!

All beliefs must be falsifiable if they are to be taken seriously. Armed with this attitude, we can enjoy them as they are: provisional attempts to apprehend and articulate the deepest mysteries of an abundant and joyful life! This is an adventure almost as exciting as exploring one another’s bodies.

Navigating spiritual deconstruction in marriage is never easy. It forces us to ask, can marriage survive a change in views on faith? With love, mutual respect, and humor, it just might.

If you enjoyed this blog post you might enjoy this one, 3 Reasons to Joke About Spirituality. 

Related Blog Posts

What is Deconstruction of Faith?
How My Wife and I Survived Religious Deconstruction
Strengthening Your Marriage During Deconstruction