The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
The Unpredictable Journey of Finding Yourself
Those who assume authority over us and those who hold our community memberships can be tricky with their language. Yes, you’re allowed to ask questions. As long as they are the prescribed ones.Yes, you’re allowed to search. As long as you find what we planted.Yes, you’re allowed to find yourself. As long as you become a person we can accept. The danger with questions, searching, and finding ourselves…is that we cannot predict how things will turn out. We cannot anticipate the answer.We cannot determine what we find.We cannot stipulate what we become. I’ve counseled a ton of people who want a certain answer.They want to find what they’re looking for.They want to be a person they fantasize about. The truth is true growth is truly scary and completely unpredictable.Spiritual growth scares people because it demands surrender to the unknown.It is a treacherous, though rewarding, journey into the complete unknown.It is a deep-dive into unfathomable mystery where the best treasures are buried. Take that trip!Find yourself.Pay the consequences.Because it’s worth it.All of it.
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Don't Surrender Your Right to Think
Don't Surrender Your Right to Think Cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward Have you always been curious? Have you always wanted to understand? Have you always desired to know the truth? How many times has the verse, "Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him" (Proverbs 3:5), been used to discourage you from thinking? Or how many times was the verse, "Where is the philosopher?... Has God not made foolish the wisdom of this world?" (1 Corinthians 1:20), been used to scare you away from reading philosophy or anything outside the Christian ghetto? How many times was the Bible used to make you stop thinking? For me? Many! The truth is, there is bad thinking.There is foolish thinking.There is unhealthy thinking.There is dangerous thinking.There is violent thinking.There is evil thinking. But a lot of it is religiously fueled and these very scriptures are used to endorse it.
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Embracing Your Believing Past
One of the messages I gave them was about accepting, embracing, and integrating our former selves. I'm going to share it with you here: I do not like it when people mock other religions. I also do not like it when people mock the stages of faith that I have journeyed through. I'm not sure how this happened, but somewhere along the way I learned that it was not only negligent and shortsighted to disdain and reject my earlier passages, but harmful to my spiritual health. Whether or not this is objectively true I cannot tell, but it feels right. In other words, I would not be who I am today if I wasn't who I was yesterday. I believe in growth. Incremental growth. Process. Progress. It's wise, I think, to respect and nourish our roots. We never expected our children to be at Stage 6 in their stages of faith when they popped out of the womb. We acknowledge and honored their growth and development, and even delight in their topsy-turvy, winding, pot-holed path to their own version of spiritual maturity. We wouldn't dare mock or reject them along the way. So we don't do it to ourselves. Sure, there are points in my life I'm embarrassed about now, but not ashamed. There are points in my life I'm sorry for, but I won't drown in remorse. I laugh, pay my dues, ask for forgiveness, and move on. When you guys share your journeys, to me they are lovely. So diverse, complex, multifaceted, and glorious. Brilliant! I think this is how our inner child grows into an adult‚ when he or she is affirmed, loved, embraced, accepted, and given space to mature. So just love yourself from beginning to end. This is how integration and individuation happens!
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How to Love Yourself Through Your Religious Deconstruction
You are totally confused. Your journey does not make sense. You have difficulty understanding where you are and therefore even greater difficulty in loving yourself and articulating yourself. You're feeling a mixture of shame, frustration, fear, and maybe even guilt. Here's a simple little strategy I apply when I'm feeling this way: Talk To Yourself With Love as If You Were Your Best Friend This really happened. My friend Sue (not her real name) and I are meeting for a coffee. Sue says she is deconstructing her beliefs and completely confused. She no longer believes many of the things she used to believe. She doesn't know what she believes anymore. Tears fill her eyes. She says she's even questioning the existence of God. In fact, she expresses fear that she might turn into an atheist. She wrestles night and day with her confusion, shame, and guilt. She says she really feels like a refugee lost at sea and wonders if she'll ever ever find solid ground again. She's in no-man's land, belonging nowhere and to no one. There doesn't seem to be anyone who can listen or who understands. To make matters worse, those who love her are very concerned and express it in meaning-laden comments loaded with ulterior motives that make her self-doubt loom even larger in her mind. I give her a tissue. She's embarrassed‚ not just by her tears, but with herself. I notice she seldom takes a sip of her coffee because she's so absorbed in her anguish. I point this out, and she admits that this is what her life is actually like‚ she can't just live life because she's stuck inside her predicament, tangled up in her thoughts, and trapped inside her confusion. I recognize her impatience. She's desperate to settle down, find a home, and be fully and confidently herself again. Listen to Yourself Without Judgement I don't try to correct her or change her. Why? Because I'm not afraid of or surprised by what she's going through. I recognize it from my own experience. I'm very familiar with what she's enduring. I think she's in a good place. A very good place. She's growing and it hurts. So I'm not going to say anything to endorse or fortify her negative feelings about herself‚ her shame, her frustration, her fear, her guilt. Although these are natural, these are negative, judgmental, and even destructive ideas, echoed by her concerned family and friends, that are attempting to drag her back to her former self. I love her and care for her and tell her that she's doing an amazing job and that if she gives herself time she will come out the other side of this dense fog where she will find confidence, peace, and even happiness again. I remind her that she's smart and will figure this out. I believe in her! In this tender moment, I just try to make her feel as normal, healthy, mature, and courageous as possible. Because that's what she is! She has rejected her conditioning and with full integrity wants to become a better, wiser, happier person. I'm not going to compromise that, but only encourage it. That spark I see in her dark passage‚ I'm going to fan that into flames so that she will regain her fearlessness and embrace the profound transformation she has already entered and embraced. She might not realize it, but she's committed, and I'm going to help her keep her resolve. This is not imaginary. This has actually happened many times for me‚ face to face and online with many different people. True stories. Lots of them. If You Can Encourage Others, You Can Encourage Yourself Aren't we often told that we are gentler with others than we are with ourselves? I know I am. But this is the trick. The same grace, love, and care I show to others I show to myself. As soon as I'm feeling ashamed or guilty for where I am in my journey, I immediately apply this simple technique. I treat myself like I would treat a friend like Sue sharing her journey with me. It only takes a second. That simple trick, in a split-second, immediately arouses the self-love, self-confidence, and self-care I need to be okay with where I am and to press on undeterred. It's a quick way to endorse myself. It's an immediate way towards my own self-approval. It's a fast way of getting my confidence back and forging ahead with the courage I need to accomplish it. In that rapid turnaround, I love myself and my journey again. You Can Be Your Own Spiritual Guide Try can this at home! When you're going through the profound confusion of deconstruction, treat yourself like you're your best friend. Pretend you are sitting across the table from yourself in your favorite coffee shop. Listen to yourself as if you are crazy about this person. Let your heart open softly as you embrace everything, excluding nothing, about this person. Suddenly, you should be able to suspend judgment of yourself. You should be able to have unending patience for yourself. You will love yourself and marvel at the profound meaningfulness of your own special journey towards wholeness, peace of mind, and happiness. Peace on your path, my friends.
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