The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Do Women Have an Extra Rib? (And Why the Myth Persists Anyway)
Do Women Have an Extra Rib? I believed this for my whole life. I was in my 40’s before I learned it was a myth. Where the “Extra Rib” Myth Comes From The idea that women have more ribs than men usually comes from a literal reading of the Genesis creation story, where Eve is formed from Adam’s rib. Over time, that symbolic story turned into a biological assumption as if removing one rib from Adam permanently changed male anatomy, and that change was passed down genetically. Why Does The Myth Persists Anyway? There are a few reasons why I believed this myth. I was trained to trust authority without question. I assumed my leaders wouldn’t lie to me, but they naïvely believed it too. I needed to believe it because it confirmed my belief in the creation story. I enjoyed that it was proof against atheism. But I would like to take it a step further. I think it's also an attractive idea for sexism. It substantiates that men are the gold standard, while women are derivative, that men are primary and women are secondary, and that women created out of the side of man suggests that women are to be by the mens' sides to serve and honour them. It's the manipulation and control of the patriarchy wrapped in biblical creation theology. We must realize this is the case with everything we believe. Everything. We naïvely accept our conditioning and enter an infinite loop of confirmation bias that’s impossible to break free from. Once you see this dynamic, even in the smallest things like an extra rib, then the charade ends.
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Don't Believe the Limiting Beliefs of Others
It’s one thing to overcome your own limiting beliefs about yourself.It’s another to overcome the limiting beliefs others have about you. When I left the ministry in 2010 that I had a lot to learn about myself… my gifts, my skills, my talents, my creativity, my business acumen and money smarts. It was like the university of life. I had to adapt quickly to the real world. I had to deal with my inner demons, voices, and the limiting beliefs about myself in order to graduate. But I did! However, I still have to deal with the limiting beliefs of others. No matter how self-aware or confident you are, there will always be others who will try to pull you down. For me it’s been going on a long time and I predict it will never end. My High School guidance counselor told me to get a job because I wouldn’t succeed in higher education. So I got my B.A. and then honors in my Masters, another degree in Religion and Ministry and more. I was told that I wouldn’t do well in ministry. So I pastored many churches and planted two brand new churches. When I left the ministry I was told I would disappear and my ministry was over. Instead I’ve grown nakedpastor so that it’s known around the world and my “ministry” helps thousands of people every day around the globe every day. I’m doing what many told me is impossible. And I’m not done yet! Neither are you! Not only can you swim. You can fly!
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Why We Hide Our Pain (And What Happens When We Do)
We all carry pain, but so much of it stays hidden. Like an iceberg, only a fraction is visible—the rest lies beneath the surface, unseen and unspoken. Why do we do this? Why do we hide our pain, even when it’s crushing us? As a pastor, I’ve sat with countless people who smiled on the outside but were breaking on the inside. They were experts at keeping their pain a secret, but the cost was immense: isolation, loneliness, and a lack of support. So, why do we hide our pain? And what would happen if we stopped? Here’s a list of possibilities. Maybe one of them is why you hide yours. Maybe all ten. Tell me why you hide your pain in the comments. At the end I’ll tell you the main reason I hide my pain. You are ashamed because you think it makes you look weak. You don’t want people to think you aren’t getting over it fast enough. You don’t want to be a downer to those around you. You doubt anyone will understand. You can’t find a good listener. You want to share without people trying to rescue or fix you. You are upset by your own complicity in the cause of your pain. You don’t want to be accused of complaining, whining, or being bitter. You know that people are dismissive of pain that’s invisible. You yourself deny, devalue, or dismiss your own pain. Hiding our pain might feel safe, but it keeps us isolated. What if, instead of burying it, we dared to share it? What if we allowed ourselves to be seen, not as weak, but as human? Your pain matters. You matter. Let’s start the conversation. Okay. I’ll go first. The main reason I hide my pain is #1. I don’t like looking weak.You? Why Is It Important To Be Vulnerable? Vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a profound strength. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we break down the walls that keep us isolated and disconnected. It’s through vulnerability that we heal from past wounds, confront our fears, and grow into our most authentic selves. For those healing from religious trauma, vulnerability is especially powerful—it allows us to share our stories, release shame, and rebuild our sense of self. By opening up about our pain and doubts, we create space for connection, understanding, and healing.
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The Journey of Letting Go of Religious Dogma
In every area of your life you’re allowed to realize that something you believe to be true actually isn’t. Then you’re allowed to let that belief go. You did that with monsters under your bed.You did that with Santa Claus (sorry if you’re just learning this now).You did that with your parents being perfect.You did that with your first love.And so on and so on. What happened was fact won over fantasy. You learned that monsters are a figment of your imagination. You learned that Santa Claus was your mom and dad.You learned that your parents have struggles just like everyone else.You learned that you can be betrayed by someone you love. Reality always wins. But… you’re never allowed to do that with your religious beliefs. No matter how much evidence comes in to the contrary, you are faithless if you stop believing certain things. (Click on the image for a digital download of it.) Description: A bowling ball labelled "Reality/Truth" crashes into bowling pins labeled "Some Preciously Held Beliefs". You are shamed and made to feel guilty if you say, “I don’t think I can believe that anymore!” Many people experience religious trauma when they experience the changing of their religious beliefs. It's not easy. Have you ever been called a Doubting Thomas? There are a lot of things I no longer believe. Especially those beliefs that support the power of the Church, its leaders, and the success of its agenda. Question everything. Living in reality is better than living in constant cognitive dissonance. In fact, it is a happier place because your mind is more at peace. You want peace of mind, don’t you? Then take a deep breath, trust yourself, and take authority over your own life.
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The Irony of Intolerance: Misinterpreting the Message of Jesus
You'd think some people actually do this. They take the beautiful basic message of love and some of the most lovely sayings of Jesus and twist them all into their total opposites. They say their hate is actually an expression of love.They say their regulations are actually required by grace.They say their rigidity is actually a form of care.They say their fundamentalism is actually the painful truth.They say their violence is for the establishment of peace.They say their bullying is biblical evangelism. Your resistance to all of this is seen as your resistance to the gospel and to Jesus himself. Then they dial it up and intensify their efforts and things get worse. When they see their efforts to convert you are in vain, in one more final biblical gesture, they express divine wrath and depart, shaking the dust off their feet and consigning you to the Evil One and his Hell. In other words, they prey on you.Like wolves do sheep. I know it's hard to let this not affect you. I know it's hard for me sometimes. But be comforted in the fact that they're wrong. Just like your gut is telling you. Description: Jesus says to his disciples, "I send you out as sheep among wolves." One of them says to another, "I'm going to take that to mean he's sending us out as wolves among sheep."
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YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM OF THE DECONSTRUCTION OF YOUR BELIEFS
YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM OF THE DECONSTRUCTION OF YOUR BELIEFS I drew this with pen and ink on paper. The original and prints of this are in my store as “I Am Not a Victim”. Like many of us, I grew up in a religious culture that blames bad things on either Satan, the world, or our sinful selves. Including the deconstruction of our beliefs. It’s proof that Satan deceived us, that we’re becoming like the world, and that we’ve fallen into sin. What if, instead, we view it like I think we should: as growth?! Some thoughts: 1. Take Agency: You are responsible for this. It’s because somewhere deep down inside of you a pressure was building to grow, to be free, and to live your own spiritual life as you want. There’s a desire, drive and destiny within you to live your own authentic self. This isn’t happening to you. You’re doing it to you and for you! 2. Take Comfort: This is a good thing! This is a necessary part of the process for getting from your small self to your large self. Instead of climbing the mountains of Tibet or wandering the deserts of Egypt or searching the jungles of Nepal for a guru, you are a pioneer searching for your own home within yourself. You will find it because you are your own guru! 3. Take Courage: So don’t be afraid. Like any journey of adventure, there are dark valleys, dense forests and wild animals. You will encounter fear, without which courage cannot exist. You will encounter darkness, without which light cannot shine. And you will encounter opposition, without which you cannot be sharpened into your best and most authentic self. You are not a victim. This is you. Own it with confidence, joy, and courage.
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Why We Say "I'll Never Stop Believing In God"
I’ve helped many people through their deconstruction journey. At the beginning they make the same claim: “I’ll never stop believing in God (or Jesus)!” I respectfully listen but suggest they hold that thought and let’s see what happens. Why do we do this? 1. We really do still believe and we can’t imagine not believing. We’ve had this belief for so long that we can’t imagine not having it in the same way. We’re being genuine that we can’t imagine not believing in God. It’s hard not believing what we believe. Advice: Patiently wait for your beliefs to morph. 2. We still fear punishment for unbelief. If we still believe, then what goes with the belief is still there too. We all know what happens to unbelievers. The fear of Hell is deeply ingrained in us, making it hard to question or let go of beliefs. This is what I call The Paralyzing Grip of Theological Terror—a fear so deep that it keeps us locked in belief, even when doubts begin to surface. So along with this belief exists a latent fear of punishment and Hell. Advice: Focus on love and grace that doesn’t condemn questions and growth. 3. You can’t allow yourself to betray God. You can’t fathom betraying and not believing in God anymore. You’re not just betraying a belief... yet!... you’re betraying your heavenly father. And you can’t let yourself do that. Advice: Realize you won’t betray what you know is true. Those three reasons are the most popular. You still believe.You fear not believing.For you this is very real and personal. Remember: beliefs are just thoughts we are very attached to. Once we see this, then the thoughts will change and the beliefs lose their power. Enjoy your journey!
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Navigating the Deconstruction Journey
The Relationship Between Belief Intensity and Healing in Deconstruction.The graph: the harder you believed, the harder you deconstruct. This is a generalization. There are exceptions but in my own experience and observations, this is generally true. When you are 100% all in- to the beliefs, to the church, to its leaders- and you start to doubt these things, it can be very traumatic. Like the stock market. When you invest everything into your beliefs, the Church, its leaders, and they all crashing, it can be devastating. Some will say that none of it was real so I really didn’t lose anything anyway. It was all a hoax. They walk away unscathed. But for many of us, this is not how it FELT. It was very real to us and to surrender that whole world, to give it up, to let it go, well, it hurts! That was me. And maybe this was you too. We totally absorbed the Bible. We totally invested in the Church with time, energy, and money.We totally served our leaders with zeal.We totally believed what we believed. We didn’t do it half-assed. Then, when we started to deconstruct our beliefs… to question our beliefs and lose the faith we once had and change our relationship to the church… those symbols (Bible, Church, Pastor) began to lose their charm and as a result their power over us. It’s not like our spiritual investments were compartmentalized in our minds and we could just amputate that. Our faith, beliefs, involvement and service permeated every aspect of our lives. Nothing was excluded. It stained everything. So please take comfort. This is normal. The intensity will simmer. You will slip into your new life and realize how magnificent it’s always been.
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How to Change in Front of Your Kids
A child in the backseat of a car says to his mom who is driving, “Mom, since we stopped going to church you’ve gotten really good at swearing!” HOW TO CHANGE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS I’m often asked how we deconstructed in front of our kids. I need to be clear: I don’t consider deconstruction an event, but a lifestyle. Deconstruction isn’t necessarily an ah-hah moment where we jump tracks to another one. Rather, it’s living a life committed to dismantling our conditioning. It’s a dying daily. It’s a behold we are a new creation daily. So our kids never witnessed us freaking out about beliefs. Rather, what they saw, and still see, are adults committed to growth whatever that means. They saw people curious about what was true and fearless to pursue it. If you think you need to bequeath to your children a solid belief system, forsake that notion now. You wouldn’t do that to yourself. Don’t do it to them either. Like a good teacher, we don’t just teach the what, we teach the how. Not “know this” but “find out”. Good parents don’t teach children how to be a mini-me's but how to be their own, autonomous, independent selves. When our kids saw Lisa and I argue, we also let them see us reconcile. We lived openly, transparently, and honestly, believing our kids would learn valuable skills on how to be authentic human beings in relationship with another authentic human being who were always growing. We let them see us doubt, question, explore, and discover. We let them see us change so that they wouldn’t be afraid of it and avoid it but invite it and choose it as a lifestyle. Change in front of your kids!Then watch them change in front of you!
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