The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
What Do You Do After a Spiritual Tsunami Hits?
What do we do after the devastation of the deconstruction of our relationship to the church, our faith, our beliefs, and our religion? I watched some documentaries on the tsunami of 2004. I realised that the truly devastating part, the part where people needed the most help, was after the final blow. In this blog, I'm not talking about denial, unbelievability, unpreparedness, the extent of our pain, or anything like that. This blog is about what we do after the destruction has hit us. Take a Moment to Assess The Damage First, you have to assess the damage. You've seen the movies where people walk through devastation following a tsunami. They are dumbfounded as they look around the flattened landscape where their homes, villages, plant life, and people used to be. Pretty much everything is gone!As painful as it is, following our own deconstructions, we have to see it honestly, with eyes wide open, and look the destruction straight in the face. We have to be honest with what happened and what it has caused. There's no point in saying that nothing or little happened, that it's not that bad, or that this is manageable. It's none of those.Like nature's tsunamis, spiritual tsunamis are just as overwhelming and destructive. Because they not only catch us off guard and therefore vulnerable, but they leave us even devastated and feeling even more vulnerable. They level, destroy, and take things. They change our landscape forever.To be honest, when I went through my deconstruction, the damage was unbelievable. I still have a hard time remembering and accepting it. It did take me a while to wake up and finally assess it all. Everything had been touched: my church, my faith, my beliefs, my religion, my finances, my family, my friends, me. Everything! Decide What to Save and What to Let Go Of Now you have to decide what's worth saving and what no longer serves you. Even though it looks like a complete waste, there are things in the mess that can be saved. Underneath the rubble are things that can be salvaged. It means poking through all the mess to find a little good.When we realize everything and anything can be taken from us in an instant, every little thing takes on enormous value. It might be small, like a photograph, but how precious such a little thing becomes.There was a lot I had to throw out. There was the church I had to let go. There were people I had to say goodbye to. My relationship with Lisa changed dramatically: we had to say farewell to our naive kind of love and welcome a changed and more mature one. I had to immerse myself into a much deeper and honest kind of thinking about what I believed and what I knew to be true.It was a crisis of faith. There were a lot of beliefs I allowed to go. There were a lot of things I thought which needed work. Some things survived but needed repair or upgrading. As brutal as tossing things might feel, saving things feels hopeful and somehow redeems the process. Begin to Rebuild Your Life Now we must make a new life. Everything has changed, including our spirituality. This is the costly but fun part. Unfortunately, what happens in some tsunami-devastated areas is that the villagers are encouraged to move to "safer" places. Resorts move in and take over the beachfront property. The displaced people struggle to feel at home again. We see this sometimes too with some people after deconstruction: they reject everything and move away to start a brand new life all over again in a different place. Although I'm not saying this shouldn't be done, I am saying it doesn't have to be. You can rebuild where you are.You can be spiritually transformed where you are. You don't have to leave your church, you don't have to leave your faith, belief or religion, and you don't have to leave your partners and friends. Even though with some of these we might not have a choice, often we do and can renegotiate our relationships with them. I can say that I'm happier now than I've ever been. I'm also more sober. What I mean is I'm more serious, as in mature or wise. Lisa and I were talking about this recently. I posted a Facebook picture of Lisa and I leaving on our honeymoon. We were talking about how innocent and wide our smiles were. We wondered if we ever smile like that now. Lisa suggested that we do smile large now, but there is experience behind them. Lots of history. We also agreed that we want to continue moving on in our rebuilding project, that our home is not yet totally completed. We want to get to the place where the devastation is well behind us and we approach life with joy again. We're almost there because we intend to finish this well. Proceed At Your Own Pace I know we are all in different places on our spiritual journeys. Some of us are watching the tsunami coming, some of us are in the middle of it, some of us are just realizing it has happened, and some of us are past it. So take this post as a way to prepare, a way to survive, or a way to figure out how to move forward.
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Reverse is a Legitimate Gear in Spiritual Growth
Reverse is a legitimate gear in spiritual growth. In fact, all the gears are at some point or another for some period of time. We must know by now that our personal and spiritual growth is never linear, but often cyclical and sometimes could even look like the scribbles of a child. Let's talk about reverse. Or relapse. I've not only observed it in others. I've experienced it for myself! That is, I will go through a kind of deconstruction of a belief. Sometimes I react to a belief I no longer feel can hold up. I'll go long in the other direction. Then, after my anger or frustration or sadness or disappointment or rebellion is over, I often come back to a more reasonable, rational, and less reactionary posture. I think this is normal. I've seen it in some, however, where they relapse to an even more conservative position than they were before‚ probably to protect themselves from ever approaching that dreadful line in the sand again. They don't like how deconstruction feels, so they avoid it at all costs. But, this is a reaction too. What I help people do is to experience and exercise their own freedom. They can end up wherever they want‚ without shame, fear, or guilt. That's the goal! Your own personal freedom and your enjoyment of it. Whether you end up a believer or an agnostic or an atheist‚ this is secondary to me. What is primary is your personal spiritual independence. That's it. So don't worry if you're constantly ebbing and flowing in what you believe or don't believe. This is as natural as the tide! Just observe. Just enjoy. Just relax. Because you are not the tide. You are the ocean!
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How Your Religious Beliefs Can Prevent You From Changing
Did you know your beliefs can prevent your spiritual growth? Let's talk about belief. Specifically, I want to talk about how belief can be the biggest barrier to personal transformation. I was always mentored by strong, bible-believing mentors and churches. (Click on image for a digital download of it, or click HERE!) It was no accident that I pursued the study of the bible and theology and eventually want into the ministry. I made sure I studied under the most highly respected Old and New Testament scholars. I studied years of Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic‚ the bible's original languages. I then dove deep into Reformed theology with the likes of Calvin and Barth. The bible, theology, and belief were strong forces in my spiritual life. But I began noticing, early on, that there was another force competing with my believing mind. Within me was this battle between my believing mind and my inquisitive mind. My my inner journey led me to question my beliefs, initiating a spiritual deconstruction process. Now, the church told me this was spiritual warfare between my carnal mind and spiritual mind, the mind of the flesh and the mind of the Spirit. This verse always killed me: Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him. I was always reminded that Satan disguises himself as an Angel of Light, so don't be fooled by counterfeit ideas. This kind of reasoning was always used to discourage me from doubting and questioning and therefore growing. But this alternative thinking would just not go away. It repeatedly bounced against the walls of my belief system. As is always the case, my belief system was thorough, being the floor, ceiling, and walls of my worldview. My alternative thinking, my rebellious questions, my sinister doubts, were like malicious viruses in my belief system, and they really messed up my programming. How was I taught to deal with this? Confess, repent, seek forgiveness, and make my beliefs even stronger! So the cognitive dissonance between my beliefs and between my anti-beliefs became even more pronounced. But what happened in spite of my continued attempts to reinforce my beliefs, was that the continued assault of my alternative thinking slowly but surely expanded the walls of my beliefs. My belief system was stretching to include the dissonant thoughts. Like an elastic membrane, it was stretching to accommodate other truths and ideas. Sometimes I thought the membrane of my belief system was going to tear. Later on though, a conflicting idea that was too large or strong to be contained by my belief system would just break out and and separate itself. What was I supposed to do with that? The cognitive dissonance became even more difficult to reconcile. I remember the day. It was a terrifying moment when I saw that my mind was protecting itself, that its primary purpose was to protect itself and the organism, and that my entire system of belief was based upon fear that prevented me from having peace of mind. It wasn’t just about reconciling thoughts anymore—it was the deeper impact of religious trauma that I had been carrying for years, that had shaped my very sense of self and understanding of the world. It took years to work through this self-revelation until one day I had another self-revelation, and suddenly realized that my entire belief system was simply my thoughts and that I was believing my thoughts. Beliefs are just thoughts. And I saw that my thoughts were a kind of illusion, a smokescreen, an intricate and complex fabrication of my mind to protect and insulate itself. Belief was actually dividing my mind and causing internal strife. I used to think my beliefs and dissonant thoughts needed to marry in a kind of compromising fusion. But now I suddenly realized that there is another way of knowing, or unknowing, that transcends thought and belief. And the decades of theological anguish vanished. Once you see this, peace of mind comes. Theologically, your mind will finally be at rest. There will just be awareness, an awareness of what is. A love for what is. The dissonance between belief and knowledge no longer matters. There will just be a knowing, or rather unknowing, that is more like loving. It becomes a loving of all that is.
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Take Your Time To Process Your Pain From Church Hurt
For some people, when they leave the church, it's no big deal.But for others it is. I can speak to this from my own experience. I invested everything into the church. It was my family. I was deeply connected, deeply involved, deeply committed, and deeply in love. Then the day came when I realized I could no longer be true to myself and stay. The pressure to leave was undeniable. Even though I initiated the step to leave, it felt like a rejection. No one said go. But the signals were all there that I was no longer welcomed, especially if I were to continue down the path I was walking. Even though this happened years ago, in 2010, once in a while the pain still surfaces. My theory is that we process pain at the level we can cope with. Then it goes on hold for a while until we are capable of dealing with the pain at deeper levels. Like layers of an onion... with tears included. The other day I had a dream that made it very clear to me that I have yet another layer of pain to process. It's hard and sad work, but I know it's necessary if I want to reach higher levels of happiness. I bet you know what I'm talking about.I drew this cartoon about church hurt to remind you that healing can take time and that's okay.
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Does Recovering from Religion Always Have to be so Morose?
Jesus, in the famous poem "Footprints in the Sand", says, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints is when I carried you." Carl Jung said, "Walk your path or be dragged." This version seems more accurate for my life. So I drew this cartoon, "Walk or Be Dragged": (Want a fine art print of this cartoon? Click on the image! If you want the actual original drawing, click HERE!) Actually, that's not what this is about. This is about the question, "Does recovering from religion always have to be so morose?" Yesterday, a friend commented on my cartoon and blog post that he misses the funnier cartoons I used to post and that I seem to be focusing more and more on the privileges and abuses of power. He's not the only one. Others have mentioned the same concern. This cartoon is in their honor to hopefully show that I haven't lost my sense of humor. It is true. I have focused more on the privileges and abuses of power because I think it is the core consideration about communities, including religious or spiritual ones. It is serious business. And, to be honest, when I do cartoon and write about this, I know I'm helping a lot of people embrace their experiences, trust their guts, find their voices, muster their courage, and liberate their lives. But it doesn't and can't stop there. I also want to help people find their happiness. You might not realize this, but I laugh a lot. There have been seasons where I haven't. But I'm generally a happy person, in spite of what many people think. And I generally help other people laugh or at least smile every day, in spite of what many people think about that too. One of the misconceptions about people who are deconstructing is that it is full of vindictive victims, a wailing wall of woe-is-me, a bath of bitterness, or a coven of complainers and whiners. Not true! I've seen it over and over again, not only in my own life but in the lives of others, that it is totally possible to achieve a place of joy again. My desire is to turn this possibility into an inevitability. So the answer is NO! Recovering from religion does NOT always have to be so morose. You can be happy, even following the worst abuses, or even in the midst of the most burning questions and profound confusions.
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7 reasons why it's so scary to challenge Christian leaders
This is a review I gave for Jonathan Hollingsworth's book, Runaway Radical: A Young Man's Reckless Journey to Save the World. " I was gripped by this young man's story; I recognized my story in his. Jonathan, along with his mother Amy, describes the stress put on our kids to be amazing superheroes before they are simply human beings. In Jonathan's case, it was the pressure to be a radical follower of Jesus and sacrificial servant of the church, no matter what the cost. As Jonathan says, 'When spiritual growth is measured in intensity, the only direction you're permitted to go is off the deep end. To question your belief system is to backslide, so you're told that the only way to get better is to dive headfirst into those existing beliefs with more manic zeal than before.' This book provides poignant and powerful insights into the pressures on our youth to sacrifice their lives for ideals that aren't always ideal." He is young, and yet he chose to take on these leaders and expose their destructiveness through sharing his experiences. He is always in my thoughts because I know how much of a long-term struggle such a project can be. I've been there and done that, so I know exactly what it's like." Just sharing your experiences and observations about bad leaders is risky and scary business.Here's why: They will smear your reputation Even though you might criticize something they said or did, they will criticize your personality and make you out to be a terrible person, crazy, ambitious, a liar, abusive, or anything" else to make you seem sick and on a crazy mission. They will use money to control you They will do things that will require you to lose or spend money. Litigation, withholding pay, getting assistance, therapy, etc. They know the power of money over peoples' lives and will suck you dry knowing that when the money runs out so will your voice. They will make you look like the bad guy They will turn it around to make you look like you are the bad guy and that they're the victims. They will gather sympathizers who take pity on them for being a Christian leader persecuted for their beliefs and ministries. They will make you second guess yourself They will claim that you are hurting the Bride of Christ, or causing trouble in the body, or" that your intentions are harmful to the church, or that you are wrecking peoples' lives. They will try to make you second guess yourself because they understand that any measure of self-doubt is a chink in your armor. It takes a long time to make change happen Bad leaders are like a very nasty virus It takes a lot of effort, work, and time, for them to change or stop. They're sticky and are resistant to normal treatment. They are" intransigent. You often have to be in it for the long haul to see any change. This quote from Martin Luther King, Jr., has helped me: The arch of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Let's hope so!Those in power have a lot of support Those with power" seem to have unlimited support, both relationally and financially, to maintain a strong campaign against your efforts to expose and publish their abuses. They have tons of connections with power. You might be able to raise some support, but they are mostly powerless. It not only takes a certain amount of courage, but perseverance, to keep up the good fight. Every attempt will be made to silence you.All the above tactics will be employed to shut you up permanently. They want to continue unexposed, unhindered, and untouchable. If your voice in any way compromises or interferes with them, they will do whatever it takes to silence it. This is a commissioned cartoon I did for Jonathan. (If you would like to commission me to do a piece for you or someone you love, click HERE!) I know there are more, but these are the seven that come to my mind right now. Perhaps you could add to the list.
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Change Doesn't Always Have to be Difficult and Ugly
I visited a butterfly house. Of course my mind was turned to Sophia, especially my drawing of her, "Metamorphosis". A friend of mine takes care of the chrysalises and butterflies. I was surprised to see many different ones. One is a very shiny silver and the other is a very shiny gold. Amazing and breathtaking beauty! It made me acknowledge that change, transformation, doesn't always have to be difficult and ugly. Of course, often it is. In fact, sometimes it feels impossible. Like... inside those cocoons is goo. Not nice. Which is why so many people resist it. Change can be adventurous, exciting, and full of happiness as we change from one thing into something else. The people I see changing might be experiencing some difficulty and feel ugly at the time, but frequently from my perspective they are becoming even more beautiful, amazing and marvellous. During change, we not only lose things. This can be difficult and ugly. But we also gain things. This can be pleasurable and beautiful. I'm watching this happen all the time in my online communities. I invite you to buy THE LIBERATION OF SOPHIA... a book about my change told through the story of a woman who changes.
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The Importance of Being Creative During Faith Deconstruction
Making art was an important part of my healing and reconstruction process. I didn't know this at the beginning of my deconstruction. It didn't know this consciously after I'd left the ministry and the church. In fact, it wasn't until I published my book, The Liberation of Sophia, that I realized making art helped save me. Let me explain. It was the week after I left the church when I drew my first Sophia drawing. The one with the bear. Sophia Fearless. The inspiration to draw her was unstoppable. It was four years later when I drew my last one. The inspiration to draw her stopped. Stopped cold! It was when it stopped that I realized it was probably important that I did it. Drawing Sophia every week and writing about her journey was, I concluded, a crucial part of my healing. Cathartic! It's strange, but when I stopped drawing Sophia, I learned how important being creative is. Being creative just for creativity's sake! I need to get in that again. I advise people when they are going through deconstruction to be creative and discipline themselves to be creative every day. It helps. It works! (If you’re looking for some ways to spark your creativity read this blog) Why? Because now I realize that creating things does something positive for us: It gives us some happiness, because even while we are crashing and our world is crashing around us, that we can still create something. It inspires us, that even though we might feel ugly in an ugly world, there are still remarkable things of beauty to be enjoyed. It empowers us to know that even while everything seems to be conspiring to stop us, we will still give birth to new and wonderful things. So, here's our exercise: I believe everyone is a creator. Everyone is an artist. What are you making? What can you make? A painting? A dance? A poem? A journal entry? A blog post? A perfect medium rare steak? An awesome daily post? A flower arrangement? An urn? A sound of a crow? A computer code? Anything! I'd love to hear, see, and know what kind of things you guys are creating.
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Understanding The Complexity of Spiritual Transformation
This is about your mind and your spiritual growth. Spiritual transformation is very difficult. The mind is a very complex organ, bent on its own self-preservation, security and comfort. The brain's primary purpose is to protect the organism. (Click on image to get a digital download or click HERE!) Once we see this to be true, then many other things make sense. For instance, the brain is an expert tweaker. We can see self-protection occurring in religion and spiritual growth. Often, what we think is spiritual growth is actually a slight modification of the thoughts already present. But the brain is also a great illusionist. It can be busy tweaking, adjusting and modifying, all the while convincing itself that it is actually changing, that it is actually being transformed. The brain gets some delight in thinking it is on the radical edge while holding the moderate middle. However, the brain has the amazing ability to be transformed. It has the profound capacity to come into something totally new and full of benediction. We can experience a deep peace when the mind is free from the past and disordered thought. Much of religion and spirituality is employed in the service of keeping our minds busy modifying their thoughts to conform to the set standard. They are also very busy engaging our minds in believing that they are growing and making progress. This is why spiritual transformation is very difficult.
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