The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Is Your Relatonship to the Church Like a Relationship to a Narcissist?
While I was recently reading a book on narcissism because I realized someone in my life was probably one, it suddenly dawned on me that what I was reading reminded me of my relationship with the church. Now, for a disclaimer, I will admit this does not apply to all individual churches. However, I do believe the system of the church is prone to narcissism, and that it takes Herculean effort to prevent the church from being and acting narcissistic, along with its leaders. Yes, I do believe the gravitational pull of all systems is towards supreme concern for itself over all other concerns. In a sense, it must be. The post office might claim that its number one job is delivering mail. But really, its number one job is to stay in business so that it can continue to deliver mail and make money. Like our brains. We might like to believe that our number one mission in life is to love others or whatever. But our brain’s number one task is to protect the organism first. Until we realize this, we will continue to live under the illusion that we are selfless, when in fact we may not be at all. The church is no different than any other institution or system in this way. The church might claim its number one job is to evangelize the world or serve the poor or preach the gospel or guide people in their spiritual journeys or worship Jesus. But primarily, its number one job is to stay alive. To stay in business. Therefore, like all institutions and, dare I say entities, its number one task is to protect itself. What we learn from the story of the Garden of Eden is that humanity was given dominion over creation. That includes such creations as institutions, including the church. The problem is, roles have switched, and we now are slaves of institutions. The church has dominion over us! One thing I learned about narcissists is that, generally, they don’t change. What has to change, therefore, is our relationship and interaction with them. They will constantly and perpetually try to dominate us. When we don’t challenge that, but are complicit, everything’s fine. But as soon as we challenge their domination, everything explodes. That’s when the weapons of control and destruction come out. This was my experience with the church. As well as for so many others. Things were fine as long as we went along with the life it offered us, including its persuasion, manipulativeness, coercion, control, and even spiritual abuse. It’s when it started dawning on us that we were in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and tried to change the nature of our relationship to the church that everything intensified to the point where we had to leave. This has been my experience. Has it been yours too?
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5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality (and how to heal)
Many people who attended church for a long time suffer from Religious Trauma. It’s becoming more visible to more and more people as more of us are talking more openly about it. Religious Trauma is often wound up with Purity Culture, which can have a disastrous affect on our attitudes about sex. People who are survivors of Religious Trauma and Purity Culture often struggle to acquire healthy attitudes about sex and feel comfortable with their sex lives. Add to that... if a person suffers these things plus spiritual abuse, there's a lot of healing that needs to happen because these all affect their lives at a deep and fundamental level, including sexually. Here's a couple stuck in a religious mindset caused by Religious Trauma. (Click on this image for a digital download, or click HERE!) 5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality Religious Trauma makes us feel guilty for enjoying our bodies. Christianity, like many religions, castes our bodies and the flesh in a bad light. I was taught that my body was my enemy and something I always had to deny and beat into submission. I had to crucify it daily. The affect this had on my attitudes about sex was that I felt guilt any time I was enjoying my body or being in my body. For some people it’s even worse: they can never have any pleasure because it’s blatantly sinful, goes against scripture, and displeases God. Religious Trauma makes us feel like we’ve got our priorities wrong. For those of us who grew up in intense religious environments, the goal was to always be thinking about God and spiritual matters. Our minds had to be first and foremost stayed upon God, and to allow anything else to creep in was to allow something else to dethrone God from our minds and lives. We could never, to use an analogy, take a vacation and just enjoy ourselves because we were to be “on” 24/7. Even in our sleep, we had to pray for protection so that we wouldn’t stray from this strict path. As a result, when some people are enjoying sex, there can be a deep sense of putting something ahead of God that may anger him, or at least disappoint him. Religious Trauma makes us feel insecure about being confident about our sexuality. Religious Trauma teaches us not to trust our bodies. This is deadly for good sex. One of the most important things for a good sexual relationship is confidence. For sex to be fulfilling for each partner, each one must feel confident in their bodies and have some confidence in knowing or discovering what is pleasurable for their partner. Insecurity and a lack of confidence can kill passion and eliminate a feeling of joy and fulfillment. Religious Trauma makes us second guess enjoying our bodies as not spiritual enough. Religion dichotomizes the world. There’s good and evil, invisible and visible, light and dark, spirit and flesh. And these are always at war with one another. As a result, for many people coming out of a strict religion, when we are making love with someone we love, there is confusion about what’s happening. If their minds are on their body and their loved one’s body and the love and passion taking place, it can feel less than spiritual and therefore, somehow, even sinful, secular, fleshly, or worldly. We can heal ourselves from Religious Trauma. We can educate ourselves by giving ourselves therapy and going to get therapy. We can come to a place where we understand that our bodies aren’t evil, aren’t our enemies, aren’t less than spirit, and not unimportant. When we realize our bodies are good and to be dignified and enjoyed, we are on our way to healing and healthy attitudes about sex and on to enjoying healthy sex lives.
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What You Can Expect When You Speak Up Against Spiritual Abuse
I get it every day that I'm negative and must have a root of bitterness. This is just a feeble attempt to shut me up. It's not true. I mean, I am negative against spiritual and church abuse. And there have been times I've been bitter. But I'm not bitter right now. I am vocal. And I will continue to be as long as churches and their authorities continue to abuse their members. I rejoice that there are some communities that are really attempting to gather together in healthy ways. So I just want to encourage you to do what this woman in the cartoon is doing. (Click on image for a digital download, or click HERE!) Stand up! Speak up! Your self-care will inspire others to do the same thing. Resources on Spiritual Abuse Here are a list of other blog posts I've written on Spiritual Abuse. 10 Reasons Why The Church Is The Perfect Culture For Abuse 5 Steps to Recover from Spiritual Abuse 10 Questions You Can Ask A Church To See If It's Spiritually Abusive What is Religious Trauma and How To Recognize It?
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3 Types Of Spiritual Bypassing
What Is Spiritual Bypassing? Spiritual Bypassing describes attempts to use spirituality and spiritual practices to avoid facing and dealing with unpleasant emotions, experiences, and realities in order to feel good and avoid discomfort and painful truths. 3 Types Of Spiritual Bypassing Spiritual Bypassing As A Way To Avoid Personal Responsibility People often use the Bible and their beliefs to hurt you and inflict spiritual abuse on you. They don't think they're being cruel. They think they're being righteous. They think they must somehow make you a better person. Some people may intentionally want to hurt you, so they find a holy excuse to do so.Have you experienced this? This is a form of spiritual bypassing. This cartoon is titled, It's Not Me It's God's Word, and is available as a digital download. Spiritual Bypassing As A Way To Avoid Taking Action You've heard the expression "Thoughts and prayers!" Thoughts and prayers diverts our attention away from the inaction of those who use it. They might mean well, but for many of us it's a signal that they're not going to actually do anything. It diverts our attention away from their lack of actionable concern. And sometimes it's a way to divert our attention away from their greed for more money and power. This cartoon is titled, Meaningless Thoughts and Prayers, and is available as a digital download. Spiritual Bypassing As A Way To Avoid Our Own Negative Emotions Spiritual bypassing often manifests itself as a defence mechanism instead of facing difficult feelings like pain, anger, or sadness in an honest way. Some people pretend to be positive and distant, using spiritual ideas to hide from these uncomfortable feelings. But this only gives a temporary feeling of relief and stops real emotional growth and self-understanding. Some call this "toxic positivity". Examples of this would be "Good Vibes Only" or "God Is Always Good". Once you’ve seen the signs of spiritual abuse and spiritual bypassing and recognize it, that’s actually the first step of your journey into healing and freedom. These are just 3 examples of spiritual bypassing but there are so many more. Feel free to leave other examples of spiritual bypassing in the comments below.
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Can You Be Spiritual Abused In A Marriage?
Before we address what spiritual abuse in a marriage is we must first unpack the definition of spiritual abuse itself. What Is Spiritual Abuse? Spiritual abuse is when spiritual leaders abuse their power and spiritual ideas to create a toxic culture of shame and control to fulfill their own desires. Just like physical abuse uses physical means, or financial abuse uses financial means, or sexual abuse uses sexual means, etcetera, to achieve their ends, spiritual abuse uses spiritual means to achieve its ends... like positions of church power, the Bible, theological ideas such as the threat of excommunication or shunning or Hell, it uses these to terrify people into submission. It is both of these: abuse of power AND the self-serving use of spiritual ideas. Both of these are fueled by theology or dogma. I think this cartoon, Spiritual Abuse in a Picture, sums it up very well. What Is Spiritual Abuse In A Marriage? Spiritual abuse occurs in a marriage when one partner manipulates or controls the other by using their spirituality. Can You Be Spiritual Abused In A Marriage? So let's talk about spiritual abuse inside a marriage. Is it possible. Yes it is. Spiritual abuse can occur in any type of relationship, including a marital relationship. It is possible in a marriage, as in any relationship, due to a combination of factors related to power dynamics, manipulation, belief systems, and control. 5 Examples of Spiritual Abuse in Marriage and Relationships Examples of spiritual abuse in marriage and relationships can vary widely, but they all involve the misuse of religious or spiritual beliefs to control, manipulate, or harm the other person. Here are some specific examples: 1. Forced Religious Conversion This is when one partner pressures or coerces the other into converting to a different religion or spiritual belief system, disregarding their own beliefs and autonomy. They might say, "I can't marry you (or stay married to you) if you don't convert to my religion!" This person is uncomfortable with diversity in beliefs, and is requiring their partner to conform to their belief system with the threat of separation if they don't. 2. Manipulation Through Fear Using spiritual teachings to instil fear and control in the other person, making them believe that certain actions will lead to divine punishment or negative spiritual consequences. I knew a couple where the woman kept making her husband believe he must be demon-possessed when he made her unhappy or frustrated her in any way. She was using the fear of demons to control his behaviour and make him submit to her demands. 3. Isolation and Separation Demanding that the other person cut ties with friends, family members, or social circles that don't share the same spiritual beliefs, isolating them from sources of support and community. I've seen this a lot in some church communities I have observed or even be a part of. When one partner realizes that their partner's relationships outside of their marriage might have what they think is a negative influence on them, they will try to cut them off from those relationships to ensure that their partner stays on the straight and narrow of their expectations. We see this happen a lot in cults. 4. Control Over Spiritual Practices Dictating how the other person should pray, meditate, or engage in spiritual practices, and punishing them if they don't adhere to the abuser's prescribed rituals. Some people have very rigid ideas of what their religion should look like, and that everyone must do it the same way. If they bring this attitude into a marriage, it's going to cause tension, friction, and division, because it requires conformity over personal authenticity and uniqueness. If one partner feels they always have to sacrifice their own ideas and practices to prevent their partner from getting upset, this will make for a toxic marital relationship. 5. Emotional Blackmail Leveraging spiritual beliefs to emotionally manipulate the other person, using guilt, shame, or spiritual teachings to force compliance with the abuser's demands or desires. If a partner is constantly using the bible and theology to shame and guilt their partner into submission to their expectations, this will quickly lead to resentment and a shallow relationship that often won't last long.It's important to recognize these signs and seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing spiritual abuse. The Impact Of Spiritual Abuse In A Marriage The impact of spiritual abuse in a marriage can be as severe as any kind of spiritual abuse leading to religious trauma that has a profound and far-reaching effect on a person's well-being. We see this happen a lot in marriages concerning the issue of sex. The patriarchal culture of Christianity which demands that women submit to their husbands sexually, is particularly damaging. I've seen Christian husbands over and over again force their wives to have sex because the bible teaches that their wives' bodies belong to them and not their wives. Many women have equated this with marital rape, and they're not wrong. It’s so hard to identify or find validation that spiritual abuse has occurred or is occurring. We make excuses, we see issues swept under the rug, we experience our stories of abuse being invalidated again and again. Admitting that you that you were or are abused is an important first step in healing from spiritual abuse.
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What is Religious Trauma and How To Recognize It?
What is Religious Trauma? Religious trauma is the deep emotional and mental pain that comes from hurtful or damaging experiences within religious or spiritual environments. It often stems from continuous spiritual abuse. It can leave scars on a person's soul, leading to feelings of fear, guilt, and even a struggle with one's faith. It's like a storm that shakes the foundation of your beliefs and leaves you questioning everything. This cartoon is one of my most popular. It's titled Church PTSD and is available as a print or digital download. What is Religious Trauma Syndrome? Religious Trauma Syndrome refers to the psychological and emotional distress that can arise as a consequence of religious trauma or spiritual abuse. The term was a term coined by Marlene Winell in 2011. Although not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, this term has been increasingly recognized and acknowledged. Studies have shown that around one-third (27‒33%) of U.S. adults have experienced religious trauma at some point in their life. 5 Signs of Religious Trauma Persistent anxiety or fear stemming from religious teachings, rituals, or beliefs. Intense guilt, shame, or depression associated with perceived violations of religious rules. Struggles with cognitive dissonance and internal conflict over religious beliefs. Social isolation or withdrawal due to fear of judgment or rejection from religious community. Difficulty forming a personal identity or finding meaning after leaving a restrictive religious group. Healing From Religious Trauma Healing from religious trauma involves unearthing and confronting the harmful beliefs that once confined you, while embracing a newfound freedom to explore your own spirituality and beliefs that resonate with your authentic self. Seek supportive communities, challenge old dogmas, and nurture a compassionate relationship with yourself as you embark on this transformative journey. In this blog post, I unpack more on how to heal from religious trauma and spiritual abuse.You can heal yourself. Support can speed it up.
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The Power of Vulnerability for Healing Religious Trauma
Vulnerability is hard. For some, vulnerability can mean making oneself an easy target for ridicule, rejection, and even abuse. Which is why vulnerability in religious contexts feels very risky. In this blog, I want to discuss why vulnerability is important, why trauma can hold you back from being vulnerable, the relationship between religious trauma and vulnerability, and why vulnerability is an essential step in your journey towards healing. Why Vulnerability is Important It's undeniable that vulnerability matters. But for some, vulnerability is equal to weakness. They see it as a personal failure to “keep it together”. But what they don’t see is the absolute power of vulnerability to break down barriers, connect people and help you claim your inner strength. If you want to learn more about why vulnerability is important, I wrote this blog post for you. Why People with Trauma Struggle with Vulnerability People who have experienced trauma often find it difficult to be vulnerable due to the lingering pain and fear associated with their past experiences. The wounds from their traumatic events can make it challenging for them to trust others and themselves, leading to emotional walls as a means of self-protection. The overwhelming emotions linked to the trauma may trigger a desire to avoid vulnerability altogether. The trauma can also disrupt their ability to regulate emotions effectively, making it harder to express their feelings openly. As a result, they may withdraw from others and resist sharing their vulnerabilities to avoid potential re-traumatization or rejection. It's essential to recognize that struggling with vulnerability after trauma is a natural response, and individuals should be met with understanding and patience as they work through their healing process Why People with Religious Trauma Struggle with Vulnerability When we were in religious settings we were encouraged to be vulnerable and transparent. Confession, for example, was lauded as the best way to ensure one’s personal spiritual health as well as one’s secure place in the community. But many of us soon discovered that baring our souls in confession also meant people knew our weaknesses and struggles. We trusted people with personal information, especially those in leadership positions. And, for many of us, this trust was betrayed when our struggles were used for spiritual blackmail and opened the door to spiritual abuse. That’s what inspired this cartoon: How Vulnerability Impacts Healing I believe in vulnerability. I practice it myself. And over time I’ve noticed that the more vulnerable I become, the more my religious trauma heals. When you are vulnerable you embrace and accept the things that have happened to you as well as how you feel about them. You accept that you cannot change the past and you develop the ability to look forward instead of backwards. Being vulnerable means you’re able to share how you are feeling with those around you which will help you develop an empowering support system. It’s like vulnerability art—a powerful form of self-expression that helps in healing. That’s enough talk about vulnerability! It's time for you to take what I’ve shared and start living your life more vulnerably. Embrace your feelings and encourage those around you to do the same.
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Why Is It Important To Be Vulnerable?
So many people see vulnerability as a weakness. As a personal failing to “keep it together”. But what they don’t see is the absolute power of vulnerability to break down barriers, connect people and help you claim your inner strength. What does it mean to be vulnerable? The first thing you have to know is that being vulnerable is not being weak. It’s being honest in a radical way. Being vulnerable is being able to feel your feelings and not bury them deep down or bottling them up until you have an angry outburst. Why Is It Important To Be Vulnerable? Vulnerability is crucial because it paves the way for emotional growth and healing. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we confront our inner fears and insecurities, which fosters self-awareness and personal development. By embracing vulnerability, we create a safe space to express and process our emotions, enabling emotional healing from past traumas and difficult experiences. It encourages us to be open with others, deepening connections and fostering empathy, leading to more authentic and supportive relationships. Vulnerability also helps us challenge negative thought patterns and overcome mental barriers, contributing to a healthier and more resilient mindset. In essence, vulnerability is the key to unlocking emotional growth and healing as it empowers us to embrace our vulnerabilities and face life's challenges with courage and authenticity. How to be More Vulnerable Like learning to paint, you have to learn the muscle memory, tools and techniques that allow you to create something beautiful. Being vulnerable takes practice, in recognizing spaces that feel safe enough for you to be vulnerable, and embracing how it feels to express that side of yourself. The art of being vulnerable can be achieved with tools like introspection, patience, kindness and understanding (for yourself!). The final masterpiece of being vulnerable is that you start to uncover your authentic self. A Drawing for Vulnerability One stage in the transformation process that we can’t skip is vulnerability. When drawing my Sophia drawing series I drew this piece, Sophia Vulnerable, because I wanted to Sophia's vulnerability more graphically. As she sits next to a baby seal, one of the most vulnerable animals on the planet, she is naked, exposed, and vulnerable. But there is also something very strong and courageous about her. Mysteriously, her vulnerability and her strength aren't mutually exclusive. She's beginning to learn to combine these two and embrace them both. Sophia teaches us that, usually, we have to bare it all in order to repair it all. You’ll find that once you start being vulnerable, other people tend to find themselves responding in the same way. So let’s make a masterpiece by painting every corner of the world with some vulnerability. Related Vulnerability Resources The Power of Vulnerability for Healing Religious TraumaDrawings about vulnerability
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The Unforgivable Sin: Have You Blasphemed Against the Holy Spirit
I get comments from people who just can't believe my stories. If they would bother reading the comments of people who've experienced the same as I have, then maybe they wouldn't be so skeptical. As I grew up in the church, this verse was one of the bible verses that terrified me the most. (Click on image for a digital download of the cartoon, or click HERE!) Because no one KNOWS what it means. When you read or hear peoples' theories, you must realize they are all guesses. No one KNOWS what blaspheming against the Holy Spirit means. And no one KNOWS why, out of all the "sins" in existence, this one is the only one that is unforgivable. Of course, I, being the diligent disciple that I was, desired to please God completely one hundred percent of the time. But I never knew if I was successful. I even remember anxiously talking to my pastor about it. His response was basically, "Well David you never know, do you? You'll just have to stay on your toes at all times!" And he had me! Right where he wanted me. An obsessively obedient and submissive servant who could never do enough for his master. Am I alone here?
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