The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
The Fine Art of Gaslighting the Victim
I have a rambling confession. Please bear with me. This last week has been one of the most personally traumatic weeks of my life. What made it so traumatic for me was that I felt betrayed by the media. When I say "media" I mean mainstream media, and I mean generally. I mean the big news sources. I mean The Media as a business. Some mainstream media have good journalists, and I have respect for them. However, I would often get exasperated with them. I knew I was responsible to hear and read between the lines. I realized I need to employ my own critical thinking skills. So, I supplemented what I was watching by reading news online from other big name media sources as well as from independent journalists. I personally understood their struggle, having been clergy for years. I sympathize that they walk the razor's edge of doing their work with integrity while at the same time pleasing their employers. I empathize with people who are scolded when they apparently succeed and ridiculed when they apparently don't. But when the actual election happened, I was left absolutely stunned. I was in shock. It was the same sense of betrayal I felt from the church, actually. I had been mislead, misinformed, and misused. And I was complicit. I had let myself be duped! This is what bothered me. As I gave the church too much power, so did I the media. Now, I understand the confusing dilemma journalists face. How do you report lies and innuendo? How do you interview someone who has scant or no relationship with facts? How do you have a conversation with someone who plays loosely with truth? I'm not just talking about Trump, but about his surrogates as well as many other politicians, pundits, and pollsters on all sides. I felt like I was living in a Kafka novel and couldn't get out. Salena Zito summed up her research into Trump: "The press takes him literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally." She's received a lot of praise for this take on the Trump phenomenon. It's a good line. But even though she may be poetic, this for me is crazy-making. It suggests that nothing means anything anymore. It validates the proverbial double-talk of the powerful, the politicians, and the press. Politicians will use this lovely poetic prose to legitimize their deceptions. I hate it. I protest it. (Click on image for a digital download or click HERE!) Many of my friends felt like they were victims in an abusive relationship. I too felt verbally assaulted while the perpetrators would try to convince me to not take what they said literally. Or seriously. Or whatever. They'd assail me with their lies, leave a wound, and then tell me it was my fault for feeling that way because they didn't really say it, or mean what they said, or that I was just hearing things, or it was the microphone. We saw it every single day all day. Someone would say something, they'd be questioned about it, and even when it was on tape they would say they never said that. Wait! I heard you say it. I watched you say it. But now you say you didn't say it? What? I watched person after person deny that those words ever came out of their mouths. Was I supposed to take them seriously but not literally? Or was I supposed to take them literally but not seriously? It drove me crazy to watch people, when challenged on the facts, say that they never said it or that they didn't mean how we took it or that we heard them wrong or that there were technical issues. And the interview would just move on as if nothing happened. I get it. When one raindrop lands on your glasses you dry it off. But if you're stuck in the pouring rain, what's the point? The fact that Trump apparently lies more than any other politician, and the fact that fact-checkers couldn't even keep up, simply doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. Fact and truth have been benched. Sometimes the media seem to seriously care about the facts, but unaware of the greater fact that facts don't factor in anymore. We're moving into a new paradigm and trying to understand it through the old one. The mainstream media were the perpetrator, the victim, and the enabler. So was I for entrusting them with my job. We are the victims of gaslighting. That is, we are pressured to question our own sanity, our own ability to think, to discern, and to decide. I've always believed I should take someone at their word. This is supported by a saying of Jesus, that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. In other words, how people talk betrays how they think. When someone says racist things, they think racist things. I said earlier that the betrayal felt the same as the betrayal I felt from the church. I had been duped. My complicity was that I trusted something and someone to give me what I needed. I trusted in the lofty idea of an institution and its leaders, which Saint Paul called "powers and authorities", to give me the truth. They failed, and it was my failure to trust them. I let them do some of my thinking for me. So, what do I do now? Here's what I've decided. Maybe you can use these as suggestions for your own life: I will take people at their word. I will hold them accountable for what they say. I will confront every single lie that's told me. Why let one lie go just to be inundated with another one thousand? Deal with that one first lie, because the thousand lies lined up behind it aren't the primary problem, but the liar. I truly believe that how we communicate is important, and that lies have no place in the peace process. It's like any relationship: one lie is a serious threat to trust, the bedrock of relationships. So I'm going to believe what I hear people say. When they say a racist thing, I'm going to hear a racist thing, and I won't be persuaded otherwise. I will dignify the speaker by taking them at their word. It would be disrespectful of humanity to do otherwise. I will not be groomed to submit. If I was less independent, I'm afraid I might have passively participated even more in the now obvious agenda to lobotomize me and the public. I would have aided and abetted in the now blatant project of dumbing us down and shutting us up. Just like the church tried to subdue me, so do the authorities‚ the movers and shakers of this world. Much of the media failed to do its job to inform and warn us. It played along because it had to in order to succeed and even survive as a business. So, I will always be a conscientious objector and a critic. I will always be suspicious of power and authority. I will always question the lines of communication and their content because I suspect, as a result of my personal struggle for freedom and independence, that there is always someone trying to control me. I refuse to become a slave of any power or authority. I am a rebel. I will not abdicate my mind. I will not surrender my intelligence. I'm going to trust my mind to discern and decide for myself. I will not throw out the rules of grammar. I will not shred my dictionaries. I will not compromise the legitimacy of language. I will not betray words. I will not forget that freedom and justice are for all people, not just some. Racism still means racism. If they say a racist thing, then they think racist thoughts, which makes them a racist person. Period! They won't change my mind unless they change their attitude and their words and actions. I'm not going crazy, and they can't make me think so. I will be suspicious of backtracking, explaining, waffling, excusing, and justifying. I will accept apologies but will look for verification. I have a mind... a good one‚ because it's mine! I will not let them have it ever again. Sarah Kendzior, tweeted today, "There are individual journalists who get this. Media on whole will capitulate due to fear or favor. Research independently, be the media." With today's circumstances and now armed with this information, I can do one of three things: First, I can give up and become a passive subject. I can just let myself be totally ruled and controlled, surrendering my thoughts, my voice, my future, my life, and live out the rest of my days in servitude. Second, I can quit and start somewhere else. I can leave a country, a marriage, a job, or the church, and find better ones. But I can never quit being governed, which leads me to what I think is the best solution. Third, I can become a vocal, active participant in the way we, the people, are governed, so that we work together to improve the lives of everyone. Thoughts manifest as words and deeds, and words and deeds manifest as policy. I believe that. The thing is, words are only the tip of the iceberg. They are always a sign of things to come. I trust words to indicate what is within a person, and that there is something going on behind those words that I can expect to see at some point in the future. This applies to both promises and threats. Like Chekhov's gun: "If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." I claim this applies to words used by those in power too. If a racist idea is thought in chapter one, it will be said in chapter two, it will be tested in chapter three, and will be implemented in chapter four. I think it was Slavoj Žižek who suggested that if purity of blood is talked about now, real blood will be spilled later. Romeo Dallaire witnessed the same thing. If someone says racist things and they or their surrogates, defenders, and followers, say they weren't serious or literal, then we have the right to challenge them on why they said it until the rotten root that motivated them is exposed. Racism is not okay, but they're trying to make it okay by denying it or redefining it and confusing us to justify it. And I know enough now about human nature and the malignancy of evil that to tolerate racism is to promote racism. We are seeing the rise of something malicious, not just in America, but around the world. It is a movement that's gaining ground. I live in Canada and we are starting to see signs as well. Be warned and wary! Stay alert! So, I learned a lesson, all in a day! I need to become even more independent in my thinking. Just like I had to trust that I could take care of my own spiritual health, I have to trust I can take care of my own intellectual health. I will not relinquish my human right to be able and allowed to judge people based on their words and deeds. I will not put my trust in the powers and authorities again. I will research independently. I will be the media.
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The Pressure on Parents to Raise the Perfect Child
Are you a parent who feels a lot of pressure to raise the perfect child? This is my Annual Child Show cartoon. Click on the image to get a digital download that you can print! The pressure on parents to raise perfect kids is enormous. This is also true in the church. I know because Lisa and I raised three of them, and they grew up in the church. The judgmental eyes on our children, and therefore on us, were all-seeing. We were constantly on guard and frequently tempted to be embarrassed because of our kids. But we chose to let them grow up, experiment, make mistakes, and find their own way... because we wanted them to grow up strong, free, and independent. They did. But oh my I could tell stories from the journey that got us here.
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The Deeper Connection Between Believers and Atheists
For decades I struggled to understand. I was in intellectual, theological anguish for so long. Then, in 2009, I had a dream of a waterfall and found complete peace. My mind was at rest. Finally! That peace of mind has not gone away. It abides. One of the things I came to see was that we are all connected at a deep and fundamental level. Only thoughts and language seems to separate us. But these are fleeting illusions. They are just thoughts. They are just words. And the idea is not the thing. The word is not the thing. We are all experiencing the same thing, we are all in the same reality, but understanding it through our own paradigms, ideologies, world views, beliefs... and articulating it with our own languages and words. (Click on the image for a download of it, or click HERE.) I learned not to get caught up in appearances and not to believe my thoughts. There is a deep unity. No separation. We are one!
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Does Recovering from Religion Always Have to be so Morose?
Jesus, in the famous poem "Footprints in the Sand", says, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints is when I carried you." Carl Jung said, "Walk your path or be dragged." This version seems more accurate for my life. So I drew this cartoon, "Walk or Be Dragged": (Want a fine art print of this cartoon? Click on the image! If you want the actual original drawing, click HERE!) Actually, that's not what this is about. This is about the question, "Does recovering from religion always have to be so morose?" Yesterday, a friend commented on my cartoon and blog post that he misses the funnier cartoons I used to post and that I seem to be focusing more and more on the privileges and abuses of power. He's not the only one. Others have mentioned the same concern. This cartoon is in their honor to hopefully show that I haven't lost my sense of humor. It is true. I have focused more on the privileges and abuses of power because I think it is the core consideration about communities, including religious or spiritual ones. It is serious business. And, to be honest, when I do cartoon and write about this, I know I'm helping a lot of people embrace their experiences, trust their guts, find their voices, muster their courage, and liberate their lives. But it doesn't and can't stop there. I also want to help people find their happiness. You might not realize this, but I laugh a lot. There have been seasons where I haven't. But I'm generally a happy person, in spite of what many people think. And I generally help other people laugh or at least smile every day, in spite of what many people think about that too. One of the misconceptions about people who are deconstructing is that it is full of vindictive victims, a wailing wall of woe-is-me, a bath of bitterness, or a coven of complainers and whiners. Not true! I've seen it over and over again, not only in my own life but in the lives of others, that it is totally possible to achieve a place of joy again. My desire is to turn this possibility into an inevitability. So the answer is NO! Recovering from religion does NOT always have to be so morose. You can be happy, even following the worst abuses, or even in the midst of the most burning questions and profound confusions.
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10 Signs That The Church Is Narcissistic
Browsing the internet convinces me now more than ever that the church is showing signs of being narcissistic. Not all churches, but the church in general. So I imagined this cartoon. (Click on image to get a digital download of it, or click HERE!) Comparing the Church To A Person: Signs of Narcissistic Behavior They have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success. They believe that they are special or unique. They require constant admiration. They have a very strong sense of entitlement. They exploit others and don't respect boundaries. They lack empathy. They are envious of others or think others are envious of them. They regularly display arrogant attitudes and behaviors. They react to criticism or contrary viewpoints with condescension and anger. Treatment For Narcissism The treatment for narcissism is always described as long term because often the root of narcissism is a severe lack of self-worth that lie in serious difficulties with the person's pathological development. It requires the patient to: Admit they are narcissistic. Seek professional help. Commit to the long-term for healing. What steps can the church take? I think it needs to begin with local leadership and percolate throughout the rest of the local community. What are your thoughts? Related Blog Posts Understanding Narcissistic PastorsWhat is Spiritual Abuse? And how to recognize when it is happening to you.
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A Lesson on Theological Conversation from Tony Jones
Tony Jones has been accused of making offensive statements and he's come to his own defence in his post "I'm Tired of Being Called a Racist". If we are interested in clear and clean communication within the theological community, then there are few lessons to be learned from this unfolding story. We should look inward if we have been accused of something more than once. Actually, Jones has been accused of saying things that were "borderline racist" before. That's not necessarily the same as being called a racist. But there is systemic racism that white males are complicit in and that no matter how hard we try to think, speak and act free of it, we are entangled in a racist system that is still breathing. I believe it is humble, honest and helpful to admit this before we move forward in our theological conversations. The cries of discrimination must be considered valid immediately, especially when rising from those who are or even feel discriminated against. We can't move forward if accusations of discrimination are dismissed, excused, explained away, or defended against. If you take some time to read the over 174 comments to the above post link, there's some good reading there. I don't want to labor those points all over again. But the one issue I really want to address is what I believe started the whole thing. Here's a summary I'm getting these quotes from Jones' own article. He said, "We have a better version of the gospel than the regnant view of the gospel in the West today." The person who responded to that statement, an African-American woman, said, "As a minority group member sitting in the audience, I found his statement to be unfriendly to diverse voices... Most blatantly, the statement violates the metaphor of the interdependent and multifaceted body of Christ. How can a gospel that is mostly (if not entirely) interpreted and articulated by a homogenous group of people (in this case, white, well-educated males) be the "better version"? But in a more subtle way, his statement sent a clear and powerful message to all of the diverse people in the room (e.g., women, people of color, people without advanced degrees, etc.). No need to join our movement; we don't need diverse voices. We've already got the best version of the Gospel and we only needed white, well-educated men to figure it out. Diverse people need not apply." Another incident where Jones claimed that Pentecostal theology "isn't the best theology out there", a woman, also African-American, responded: "To say that the Pentecostal theology is weak and that the American theology is sophisticated, I just, I cringe at that. If there's one thing that I've learned here at Fuller I've learned that all theology is contextual, and to say that your American theology and you have to think about the fact, I mean, I hate to bring up race, but, I can't avoid it, I'm sorry but, as a Caucasian man living in America, to say that your theology is sophisticated and to say that the theology of Latin America and South America is weak, I mean, it's appalling, it's shocking for me to hear that, it's offensive, it's borderline racist, and it's very closed-minded." Jones' shouldn't have said "better". He responds that at least he didn't say "best". But this is exactly the problem. If one theology is better than the other than the implication is that smart people will choose the better one, which is presumably his. (Click on image to get a digital download or click HERE!) I suggest that we need to consider all theology as cumulative. We are all contributing to the conversation and hopefully to a good conclusion. Like all good processes, nothing is wasted but folded into the further development of what is best. Jones, as well as the woman who responded to his ideas, are both potentially engaged in the evolution of a better theology. Actually, in my opinion, the woman sounds more concerned for inclusivity in the theological process than Jones who sounds more competitive in that statement. If we are working for diversity in the theological community then no one should claim dominance but rather submit contributions to the conversation. What is every school of theology bringing to the table? Let's submit every word from every corner to corporate judgement. This isn't a race! If we want to build a better theological community then first of all we need to humbly give and receive criticism about the foundations that are still riddled with structural flaws such as racism. The theological machine driven by straight white males is beset with blind spots. And the problem with blind spots is that we aren't aware of them until we cause an accident and someone gets hurt, as Jones should have discovered and we as witnesses should learn from. But the best thing about blind spots is that if someone points them out to us, we can fix them. Will Jones?
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Understanding The Complexity of Spiritual Transformation
This is about your mind and your spiritual growth. Spiritual transformation is very difficult. The mind is a very complex organ, bent on its own self-preservation, security and comfort. The brain's primary purpose is to protect the organism. (Click on image to get a digital download or click HERE!) Once we see this to be true, then many other things make sense. For instance, the brain is an expert tweaker. We can see self-protection occurring in religion and spiritual growth. Often, what we think is spiritual growth is actually a slight modification of the thoughts already present. But the brain is also a great illusionist. It can be busy tweaking, adjusting and modifying, all the while convincing itself that it is actually changing, that it is actually being transformed. The brain gets some delight in thinking it is on the radical edge while holding the moderate middle. However, the brain has the amazing ability to be transformed. It has the profound capacity to come into something totally new and full of benediction. We can experience a deep peace when the mind is free from the past and disordered thought. Much of religion and spirituality is employed in the service of keeping our minds busy modifying their thoughts to conform to the set standard. They are also very busy engaging our minds in believing that they are growing and making progress. This is why spiritual transformation is very difficult.
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