The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Understanding Narcissistic Pastors and the Trap of Pastor Worship (Spiritual Abuse)
As if narcissists can ever be truly understood! But we must try in order to protect ourselves from them. Because narcissistic pastors are experts in spiritual abuse. The truth is that the ministry is a massive magnet for narcissists. It offers the perfect environment for someone who craves attention, authority, and unquestioned devotion. If you’ve ever felt like your soul was being crushed by a leader you were told to "adore," you aren't crazy, and you aren't alone. Let’s look at why narcissistic pastors are experts in spiritual abuse and how the dangerous culture of "pastor worship" keeps their systems running. What is a Narcissistic Pastor? First, let's be clear: not every pastor is a narcissist. But many of us have served under ones who definitely were. At its core, narcissism is extreme self-involvement to the degree that a person ignores or devalues the needs of everyone around them. In a church setting, this manifests as a leader who behaves as though they possess the "divine right of kings." To them, they aren't just a leader; they are God's mouthpiece. This makes the members of the church their subjects rather than their community. I’ve seen it firsthand: these leaders believe they are uniquely empowered by God to treat people however they wish—and they will use "theology" to justify the damage they do. The Tactics: Using God for Their Purposes The endgame of any narcissistic leader is control. To get it, they use the most powerful tool in their arsenal: your faith. Like, this cartoon is not all that outlandish. Believe me! (Click on the image for a digital download or click HERE.) When a pastor uses "divine authority" to demand compliance, it is a form of spiritual gaslighting. They employ ideas that stress: The "untouchability" of God’s anointed. The unchallengeable nature of spiritual leadership. The idea that questioning the pastor is equivalent to questioning God. If you are told you must "trust the man of God" regardless of your own intuition or boundaries, you are in a high-demand control system. In any other context, we’d call it a cult. In the church, we often just call it "good leadership." The Danger of Pastor Worship Abuse in the church isn't always loud or obvious. It doesn't always look like screaming or scandal. Sometimes, the subtlest form of spiritual abuse is pastor worship. (Description: People are bowing at the feet of a proud pastor and one says, "Dear Pastor, we know you would never hurt us!") Have you ever been in a church where the pastor is absolutely adored? I’ve seen pastors carefully cultivate this adoration. They want the people to love them so much that the congregants would never dream of disappointing them. This creates a "cult of personality" where: Trust is total. You stop checking the fruit and start blindly following the vision. Disappointment is feared. You find yourself performing to stay in the leader's "good graces." Community is the bait. We all want to belong. Narcissistic leaders know this and position themselves as the gatekeepers of that community. (Click on the cartoon for a digital download of it!) The Toxic Blend: Why Good People Stay I want to defend something here: you are not gullible or stupid. I’m an intelligent person, and many people I know who’ve been trapped in these systems are also intelligent, well-adjusted people. We don't get stuck because we are weak; we get stuck because we want community. What happens is a toxic blend of systemic evil: A Narcissistic Leader (who wants to be the center). Good People (who want to belong). A Beautiful Idea (like "community" or "the mission"). When these three meet, people begin to lose themselves for the sake of the group. The leader becomes the "locus of fulfillment," and before you know it, the system exists only to serve the leader's ego. Don't Let Them Take Your Soul Narcissistic pastors will crush you if you let them. They will take your time, your money, and eventually, your very sense of self all while claiming it’s for "God’s glory." If you recognize these signs, the demand for adoration, the "divine right" to control, or the feeling that you are a subject rather than a member, listen to your gut. You do not owe your soul to a leader. You do not owe your life to a toxic system. Freedom begins when you realize that you don't need a middleman to get to God, and you certainly don't need to worship a man to find community. Protect your soul. Get out if you have to. You are worth it. Related Blog Posts 10 Signs That The Church Is NarcissisticWhat is Spiritual Abuse? And how to recognize when it is happening to you.What is Religious Trauma and How To Recognize It?
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10 Reasons Why Sexual Assault Thrives in the Church
We here so many stories of sexual assault happening in the church. People used to say it was rare. But I think the internet providing a voice for so many people who never had means or methods to amplify their stories has made all the difference in the world. Now anybody anywhere anytime can share their story of abuse or assault and be heard and maybe even see justice done! Churches still try to sweep it under the rug. Like this cartoon: (Click on image to get a digital download, or click HERE!) 10 Reasons Why Sexual Assault Thrives in the Church I think sexual assault thrives in the church for many reasons. But here are my top 10: The Bible assigns women and children as the property of men. Since men are the head of the house and all things, their needs are priority. It's biblically instituted that women are to be temptresses and stumbling blocks. Sexual sin is shameful, therefore buried and denied. It's explicit that women are to remain silent, so no reporting. Women can't be trusted, so don't believe them. Absolutely everything is to be forgiven and forgotten. Repentance fixes everything. Reconciliation with offenders is not just compulsory but noble. The church refuses to evict anyone with power. Read more about narcissism in the church in this post. If this is happening or has happened to you in the church, get out now, find someone to talk to, and decide whether legal action needs to be taken.
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The Journey of Leaving Church Or A Cult
The Journey of Leaving Church Or A Cult This is my "Souls Back" cartoon. How many of us sacrificed our own souls to belong to a toxic community? (Click on image for a digital download of it.) Lots of people are leaving the church. For most, it's no big deal. But for some, it's huge. It's traumatic. It's life-changing. What's the difference? For some, church was an activity. For others, church was their life. For some, church was just a meeting. For others, church was like a cult. Even though I wasn't in a cult, I feel like I was. Do you know what I mean? Most of us know the signs of a cult. Here are 9. 9 Signs Of A Cult one charismatic leader overpowering herd mentality use of guilt and shame to compel conformity insists that this community is the right or best one claims special knowledge independent thought is discouraged elevates the community and its leader above friends and family demands lots of time and money to reach the next goal leaving is not an option So, even though I could say that all those signs could apply to some degree in my Christian journey, I still say I was never a part of a cult. But is that really true? Because if all the signs are there, then why wasn't it a cult? Look at the advice given on how to leave a cult, and it only makes me question even more. 9 Steps For Leaving a Cult Recognize that you're in an abusive religious group List the reasons why you want to leave the group Plan your escape Have a place to stay in advance Leave Be prepared for fierce judgement and attempts to retrieve you Remain strong in your convictions Seek support from other people Continue journeying Well, these also apply to my life! What does this mean? If the signs that I was in a cult and the ways to leave a cult both apply, then was I in a cult or not? I still don't think so. For me, it simply means admitting that the kind of churches I found myself in embraced¬†cult-like values. I've come to the conclusion that my desire and willingness to serve and be a part of a community found a perfect home in the kind of churches I gravitated to. I did it because I wanted a strong mentor and a vital community. The price was surrendering my spiritual independence. Now, I claim that any religion, any group, any relationship, any job‚ anything‚ can possess cult-like qualities. Remember the movie, "The Firm"? That law firm clearly had cult-like qualities, and she began getting clues that it was when she was told, "The Firm encourages children", even exercising dominion over her reproductive rights. For some of you it understandably takes a long time to get over changing your beliefs, leaving the church, or even rejecting your inherited beliefs. You're finding it more difficult than you imagined it would be. It's taking longer than you thought it would. You are feeling afraid of the unpredictable and unpleasant emotions you're feeling as you try to move on. Believe me, I get it! Now maybe we know why: leaving a cult or cult-like communities and relationships can take a long time to process. But you're doing it! Be patient with yourself. One day you will not only know you are free, but you will feel free too!
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How Disappointment Is Used To Control People
Our pastor is the kindest man you could ever meet. And in my opinion he's the best pastor in the world. He works hard to make us better Christians. He says he works 24/7 and I believe him. How does he get a break when he's basically on call all the time? And it's all for his people. He sacrifices himself for us. Not everyone appreciates what he's got going here. I once brought a friend to a service and he said that he didn't like how he yelled and screamed and turned red and sweated when he preached. He thought he was a control freak and found it all too. Triggering. Whatever that means. He said it was spiritual abuse. Whatever that is. He has no idea because he doesn't know our pastor like we know him. He really loves us and wants the best for us. He's just like a good father who spanks his children... it hurts him more than it hurts us. Even though it really does hurt, he reminds us that it was we who broke his heart and therefore God's heart and we had no idea how much pain and sorrow we caused. I'd hoped that my friend would be moved to repentance too but instead he hardened his heart even further. His blindness shocked me. I should have listened to my pastor long ago when he said he's not good for me. Now I'm ashamed to say I believe him. I repented to him for waiting until I had proof my friend was a bad influence before breaking fellowship with him. I never learn. Which is why we absolutely need him. He reminds us we are wayward sheep so we must be contrite and should not delay. Jesus could come back any day now so we need to be ready. This is why he fires both barrels when he teaches us. We are in peril and there's no time to lose. I say bring it on! He makes us faithful and obedient. Isn't that what we want? Isn't that the goal? I mean, look at the results! The church is doing great because everyone gives above and beyond their regular tithes and offerings. He makes us give generously. As we should! I'm glad he does because otherwise I would keep what belongs to the Lord and hinder God's blessings. Plus, we all work hard. There's no lack of volunteers for Sunday School teachers and greeters and women working in the kitchen at the potlucks and other events and men maintaining the building and going over to renovate his house and even the youth are constantly out canvasing the neighborhood to witness to people and invite them to church. Everything runs smoothly because he makes sure they do. Now that's a good leader! No, he's not a taskmaster. He's just not! He doesn't have a gun to my head forcing me to do things against my will. Just because we do everything that's expected, as we should, it doesn't mean it isn't voluntary. No, he pleads with us until he breaks our stubborn wills so that we actually want to do what he tells us. As he should, he makes us ashamed of our sinfulness and stubbornness and laziness which is a good thing because it drives us to repentance for our evil ways. As we should. He loves us all so much and cares for us so much that it would break his heart if we didn't repent and do what he guides us to do. We know he loves us because he tells us he does. So we do exactly what he guides us to do because it makes him happy which makes God happy. Which is what we must want. I mean, isn't this how you parent? If I get angry with my kids they just wait 'til it blows over. But if I look really sad and hurt and show how much they've disappointed me and how they basically spat on my expectations and how they've crushed my dreams and wounded my soul‚ well that just kills them and sometimes even makes them cry. As it should. Speaking of crying, this reminds me. Just last Sunday our pastor cried in front of everybody. That's right! He cried! A man! Why? Because he heard some people in the church were talking about how controlling he was and it just tore him apart. Why would they do that to him? He did nothing to deserve that. I confess, it made me angry that such ungrateful people would hurt his feelings. So he invited people, with tears, that if they didn't like it here they were free to leave. So leave now! Nobody left. We all stayed. Because whiners and complainers are cowards who resent being told what's good for them! After his passionate sermon, where he preached about how their pastor Moses was on the holy mountain with God but the Israelites made the golden calf and caroused in sin and then were destroyed for their rebellion when Moses came down and caught them, we all went up to the front where he beseeched us to humbly get on our knees before him as a gesture of submission to God and repent of our rebellion and to renew our vows to serve the church wholeheartedly and without question and to totally trust the leader that God had assigned us. Every single one of us did it. We all cried! We didn't hear of any complaints after that. Listen‚ I know how stubborn and sinful I am. I'm deeply flawed and broken. He reminds us of that every single week and at every single meeting. As he should. And I don't want to fool around with that. I'm so ashamed of my sinfulness. As I should be. I should be more serious about my faith. So I really appreciate him motivating me week after week to live up to his expectations of me. After all, he knows best! I mean, isn't this why God gives us pastors‚ because we are hopelessly lost and need divine direction? We can't hear God's voice like he does. He's the one who got all the education, training, and experience to be my spiritual father. I need him to have authority over my unruly heart. I need him to raise his voice to get my attention. I need him to compel me to do what he knows I should do. I need him to make me a perfect vessel of God's will, which is what I should desire with all my heart, soul, and mind. Because he loves me. I absolutely know he does! Or he wouldn't care about every single little detail of my life! Right? I mean, just like the Lord, nothing escapes his attention. Nor should it! We will be held accountable for every single sin, both great and small. He's so Spirit-filled that he has more zeal for my life than I do! So I'm forever indebted to him for that. As I should be. We just can't disappoint him. That would really sadden him just like it would really sadden God. And we shouldn't want that to happen.Should we!? Further Reading On Abusive Pastors Understanding Narcissistic PastorsWhen Preachers are Predators
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Ten Subtle Ways You Could Be Abused
I know abuse is being discussed a lot these days. Spiritual abuse is becoming a more recognized reality even in psychology circles. Religious PTSD is a newly recognized and legitimate field of study and therapy. Some might say that I'm using the word "abuse" too liberally because they would claim that it means a cruel and violent treatment of another person. Certainly this is abuse. But abuse also means the improper use of something or someone. When we don't respect people as they are and allow them to be who they are freely, this is a more subtle form of abuse, the logical conclusion of which leads to violence against the human spirit. In fact, this problem will increase. As we become more outspoken against obvious abuse and broadcast it without restraint, abusers will go underground and become less obvious and more subtle in ways that will require a more wisdom and honesty to discern. No, we don't tape people's mouths, cuff their wrists, shackle their feet, put them on a leash, or lock them in a cage. Not literally. Rather, how do we silence people, limit their influence, constrict their involvement, prevent their movement, manage their actions, and control their lives? How do we punish people for not conforming? These are the real questions that can expose where subtle abuse is happening. I get this response from people: "It's their own fault for being abused because they stay! All they have to do is leave and it's over!" Possibly. However, this is another dilemma people face: many want to be a part of a community, especially their religious community. There are many people who long to be a part of a church. They have this right. The choice is to stay and suffer some abuse or leave and suffer profound alienation. Ask yourself these questions: What strategies are being used, consciously or unconsciously, to keep you under control? What is being done to make you conform to being a legitimate member of the community? Here are the more subtle ways you may be being abused without you even knowing it. This can occur in any relationship from a spouse and a family, to a pastor and a church, a boss and a company, a leader and a group, or people of influence and a movement. You are not allowed to speak your mind honestly and truthfully. You can only play if you meet certain expectations. You can't apologize enough. You can still give but receiving is limited. Your loss of respect in their eyes can never be remedied. You live in constant fear of an outburst of anger against you. You're allowed to live but your benefits have been severely cut. To criticize them is wrong because you criticize the ultimate good they represent. They have a network of peers that will rally around them and protect them. You're warned that your life will get drastically worse if you leave. There may never be raised fists or voices. There may never be any overt threats or ultimatums. This can all happen behind close doors or in broad daylight with nice clothes and smooth voices. In fact, some people might think you're hearing and seeing things and maybe a little crazy and unwell. I always encourage people in such situations to trust their gut. Test it. Push that button a little harder or once more and see if it becomes more obvious and reveals its true abusive nature. I've heard many times that it is naive to expect a community to exist without controls. There is a sensitive dance between personal freedom and corporate responsibility. But I claim we have opted for subtler forms of crowd control at the grave expense of providing spaces for personal freedom. I've also heard that I'm being petty to critique so harshly. I'm encouraged to give people, particularly leaders, a break. I'm often reminded that I'm being merciless and trivial, and that I'm revealing my own resentment at not belonging the way I'd like to belong. I'm told I'm angry and throwing stones at a house and people I willingly abandoned and that I need to grow up, return penitent, or finally leave and shut up. But what if I believe in the value of community and want people to build, facilitate, and be a part of them in healthy ways? Find or build a healthy community starting with your healthy self. Until then, it is necessary to leave these kind of codependent and toxic relationships and systems. Yes, we will experience a period of alienation. But I'm convinced that over time we will find nomadic comrades who have suffered the same kind of abuse and rejection. We will discover that we are a part of a new tribe that accepts us as we are and gives us freedom to express it. Together we will withstand the powers that have cast us off and rescue others from them. We will be like a band of sojourners and prophets who live in the desert threatening the authorities that tried to control us.
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The Fine Art of Gaslighting the Victim
I have a rambling confession. Please bear with me. This last week has been one of the most personally traumatic weeks of my life. What made it so traumatic for me was that I felt betrayed by the media. When I say "media" I mean mainstream media, and I mean generally. I mean the big news sources. I mean The Media as a business. Some mainstream media have good journalists, and I have respect for them. However, I would often get exasperated with them. I knew I was responsible to hear and read between the lines. I realized I need to employ my own critical thinking skills. So, I supplemented what I was watching by reading news online from other big name media sources as well as from independent journalists. I personally understood their struggle, having been clergy for years. I sympathize that they walk the razor's edge of doing their work with integrity while at the same time pleasing their employers. I empathize with people who are scolded when they apparently succeed and ridiculed when they apparently don't. But when the actual election happened, I was left absolutely stunned. I was in shock. It was the same sense of betrayal I felt from the church, actually. I had been mislead, misinformed, and misused. And I was complicit. I had let myself be duped! This is what bothered me. As I gave the church too much power, so did I the media. Now, I understand the confusing dilemma journalists face. How do you report lies and innuendo? How do you interview someone who has scant or no relationship with facts? How do you have a conversation with someone who plays loosely with truth? I'm not just talking about Trump, but about his surrogates as well as many other politicians, pundits, and pollsters on all sides. I felt like I was living in a Kafka novel and couldn't get out. Salena Zito summed up her research into Trump: "The press takes him literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally." She's received a lot of praise for this take on the Trump phenomenon. It's a good line. But even though she may be poetic, this for me is crazy-making. It suggests that nothing means anything anymore. It validates the proverbial double-talk of the powerful, the politicians, and the press. Politicians will use this lovely poetic prose to legitimize their deceptions. I hate it. I protest it. (Click on image for a digital download or click HERE!) Many of my friends felt like they were victims in an abusive relationship. I too felt verbally assaulted while the perpetrators would try to convince me to not take what they said literally. Or seriously. Or whatever. They'd assail me with their lies, leave a wound, and then tell me it was my fault for feeling that way because they didn't really say it, or mean what they said, or that I was just hearing things, or it was the microphone. We saw it every single day all day. Someone would say something, they'd be questioned about it, and even when it was on tape they would say they never said that. Wait! I heard you say it. I watched you say it. But now you say you didn't say it? What? I watched person after person deny that those words ever came out of their mouths. Was I supposed to take them seriously but not literally? Or was I supposed to take them literally but not seriously? It drove me crazy to watch people, when challenged on the facts, say that they never said it or that they didn't mean how we took it or that we heard them wrong or that there were technical issues. And the interview would just move on as if nothing happened. I get it. When one raindrop lands on your glasses you dry it off. But if you're stuck in the pouring rain, what's the point? The fact that Trump apparently lies more than any other politician, and the fact that fact-checkers couldn't even keep up, simply doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. Fact and truth have been benched. Sometimes the media seem to seriously care about the facts, but unaware of the greater fact that facts don't factor in anymore. We're moving into a new paradigm and trying to understand it through the old one. The mainstream media were the perpetrator, the victim, and the enabler. So was I for entrusting them with my job. We are the victims of gaslighting. That is, we are pressured to question our own sanity, our own ability to think, to discern, and to decide. I've always believed I should take someone at their word. This is supported by a saying of Jesus, that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. In other words, how people talk betrays how they think. When someone says racist things, they think racist things. I said earlier that the betrayal felt the same as the betrayal I felt from the church. I had been duped. My complicity was that I trusted something and someone to give me what I needed. I trusted in the lofty idea of an institution and its leaders, which Saint Paul called "powers and authorities", to give me the truth. They failed, and it was my failure to trust them. I let them do some of my thinking for me. So, what do I do now? Here's what I've decided. Maybe you can use these as suggestions for your own life: I will take people at their word. I will hold them accountable for what they say. I will confront every single lie that's told me. Why let one lie go just to be inundated with another one thousand? Deal with that one first lie, because the thousand lies lined up behind it aren't the primary problem, but the liar. I truly believe that how we communicate is important, and that lies have no place in the peace process. It's like any relationship: one lie is a serious threat to trust, the bedrock of relationships. So I'm going to believe what I hear people say. When they say a racist thing, I'm going to hear a racist thing, and I won't be persuaded otherwise. I will dignify the speaker by taking them at their word. It would be disrespectful of humanity to do otherwise. I will not be groomed to submit. If I was less independent, I'm afraid I might have passively participated even more in the now obvious agenda to lobotomize me and the public. I would have aided and abetted in the now blatant project of dumbing us down and shutting us up. Just like the church tried to subdue me, so do the authorities‚ the movers and shakers of this world. Much of the media failed to do its job to inform and warn us. It played along because it had to in order to succeed and even survive as a business. So, I will always be a conscientious objector and a critic. I will always be suspicious of power and authority. I will always question the lines of communication and their content because I suspect, as a result of my personal struggle for freedom and independence, that there is always someone trying to control me. I refuse to become a slave of any power or authority. I am a rebel. I will not abdicate my mind. I will not surrender my intelligence. I'm going to trust my mind to discern and decide for myself. I will not throw out the rules of grammar. I will not shred my dictionaries. I will not compromise the legitimacy of language. I will not betray words. I will not forget that freedom and justice are for all people, not just some. Racism still means racism. If they say a racist thing, then they think racist thoughts, which makes them a racist person. Period! They won't change my mind unless they change their attitude and their words and actions. I'm not going crazy, and they can't make me think so. I will be suspicious of backtracking, explaining, waffling, excusing, and justifying. I will accept apologies but will look for verification. I have a mind... a good one‚ because it's mine! I will not let them have it ever again. Sarah Kendzior, tweeted today, "There are individual journalists who get this. Media on whole will capitulate due to fear or favor. Research independently, be the media." With today's circumstances and now armed with this information, I can do one of three things: First, I can give up and become a passive subject. I can just let myself be totally ruled and controlled, surrendering my thoughts, my voice, my future, my life, and live out the rest of my days in servitude. Second, I can quit and start somewhere else. I can leave a country, a marriage, a job, or the church, and find better ones. But I can never quit being governed, which leads me to what I think is the best solution. Third, I can become a vocal, active participant in the way we, the people, are governed, so that we work together to improve the lives of everyone. Thoughts manifest as words and deeds, and words and deeds manifest as policy. I believe that. The thing is, words are only the tip of the iceberg. They are always a sign of things to come. I trust words to indicate what is within a person, and that there is something going on behind those words that I can expect to see at some point in the future. This applies to both promises and threats. Like Chekhov's gun: "If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." I claim this applies to words used by those in power too. If a racist idea is thought in chapter one, it will be said in chapter two, it will be tested in chapter three, and will be implemented in chapter four. I think it was Slavoj Žižek who suggested that if purity of blood is talked about now, real blood will be spilled later. Romeo Dallaire witnessed the same thing. If someone says racist things and they or their surrogates, defenders, and followers, say they weren't serious or literal, then we have the right to challenge them on why they said it until the rotten root that motivated them is exposed. Racism is not okay, but they're trying to make it okay by denying it or redefining it and confusing us to justify it. And I know enough now about human nature and the malignancy of evil that to tolerate racism is to promote racism. We are seeing the rise of something malicious, not just in America, but around the world. It is a movement that's gaining ground. I live in Canada and we are starting to see signs as well. Be warned and wary! Stay alert! So, I learned a lesson, all in a day! I need to become even more independent in my thinking. Just like I had to trust that I could take care of my own spiritual health, I have to trust I can take care of my own intellectual health. I will not relinquish my human right to be able and allowed to judge people based on their words and deeds. I will not put my trust in the powers and authorities again. I will research independently. I will be the media.
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Does the Mormon Church Bully People?
Does the Mormon Church Bully People? I often get emails and messages from people who have left or are still in the Mormon Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm frequently reminded that, apparently, there are many Mormons, and many in Utah, who follow my blog, read my posts, and appreciate my cartoons. Anonymously. Yes. (Click on the cartoon Mormon Bully for a digital download of it.) Those who have the nerve to contact me tell me that they have to keep this a secret because if it was ever discovered that they were critical of the Mormon Church, they would suffer dearly for it. This is not uncommon for many Christians in many churches other than Mormon. An ex-Mormon (which I'm learning is something very difficult to become) contacted me and asked if I could do a cartoon about abuse with the Angel of Moroni on the steeple, as well as an LGBTQ person and an elderly person with a cane. I'm sending her the original drawing today. (Did you know you can commission me for a cartoon or drawing too. Just go here and choose what you want!) Lots of people in lots of churches are being bullied and controlled by those churches. Including Mormon ones.
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10 Signs You Might Be in an Abusive Situation
Are you in a situation where you never know when the axe is going to come down? Do you want to know if you are living under abuse or not? 10 questions you can ask yourself to find out if you're in an abusive situation. Are you living under perpetual fear of harm? I don't just mean physically. I also mean emotionally, spiritually, or in any other way. Are you nervous in the presence of leadership that you can't seem to trust? When we feel anxious in the presence of someone who claims they are in authority over us, that's an indication that we don't trust them with our vulnerable lives. Are you watching other people get hurt by authority? Sometimes we have to see others being abused in our circle before we realize it's actually happening to us too! Are you anxious that you might be next?Do you feel you're going to get "called into the office" any day now? Are you afraid of the consequences for stepping out of line? If you constantly have to watch your step, like you're walking on eggshells, then it isn't a safe environment for you. Is it? Are you lacking the confidence you feel you need to lead yourself? Leaders love submissiveness. And the most submissive people are those who have no sense of self. Are you terrified that if you reject the abusive authority that you're going astray? Spiritual leaders will often invoke evil or even demons to scare you from wandering. They don't want you to leave, and they'll do anything to make you stay. Including terrifying you of the consequences. Are you waiting for someone else to rescue you? When we have totally lost our autonomy, that's when we start looking for rescue. The trust is, we can help ourselves. We just don't think we can. Are you hoping that maybe the abuse or threat of it will just stop? Maybe this won't last forever. But the truth is, abusive leaders rarely stop. If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then maybe it's time to lead yourself astray. That's my advice to you. I encourage spiritual independence. Check it out and set yourself free!
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7 reasons why it's so scary to challenge Christian leaders
This is a review I gave for Jonathan Hollingsworth's book, Runaway Radical: A Young Man's Reckless Journey to Save the World. " I was gripped by this young man's story; I recognized my story in his. Jonathan, along with his mother Amy, describes the stress put on our kids to be amazing superheroes before they are simply human beings. In Jonathan's case, it was the pressure to be a radical follower of Jesus and sacrificial servant of the church, no matter what the cost. As Jonathan says, 'When spiritual growth is measured in intensity, the only direction you're permitted to go is off the deep end. To question your belief system is to backslide, so you're told that the only way to get better is to dive headfirst into those existing beliefs with more manic zeal than before.' This book provides poignant and powerful insights into the pressures on our youth to sacrifice their lives for ideals that aren't always ideal." He is young, and yet he chose to take on these leaders and expose their destructiveness through sharing his experiences. He is always in my thoughts because I know how much of a long-term struggle such a project can be. I've been there and done that, so I know exactly what it's like." Just sharing your experiences and observations about bad leaders is risky and scary business.Here's why: They will smear your reputation Even though you might criticize something they said or did, they will criticize your personality and make you out to be a terrible person, crazy, ambitious, a liar, abusive, or anything" else to make you seem sick and on a crazy mission. They will use money to control you They will do things that will require you to lose or spend money. Litigation, withholding pay, getting assistance, therapy, etc. They know the power of money over peoples' lives and will suck you dry knowing that when the money runs out so will your voice. They will make you look like the bad guy They will turn it around to make you look like you are the bad guy and that they're the victims. They will gather sympathizers who take pity on them for being a Christian leader persecuted for their beliefs and ministries. They will make you second guess yourself They will claim that you are hurting the Bride of Christ, or causing trouble in the body, or" that your intentions are harmful to the church, or that you are wrecking peoples' lives. They will try to make you second guess yourself because they understand that any measure of self-doubt is a chink in your armor. It takes a long time to make change happen Bad leaders are like a very nasty virus It takes a lot of effort, work, and time, for them to change or stop. They're sticky and are resistant to normal treatment. They are" intransigent. You often have to be in it for the long haul to see any change. This quote from Martin Luther King, Jr., has helped me: The arch of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Let's hope so!Those in power have a lot of support Those with power" seem to have unlimited support, both relationally and financially, to maintain a strong campaign against your efforts to expose and publish their abuses. They have tons of connections with power. You might be able to raise some support, but they are mostly powerless. It not only takes a certain amount of courage, but perseverance, to keep up the good fight. Every attempt will be made to silence you.All the above tactics will be employed to shut you up permanently. They want to continue unexposed, unhindered, and untouchable. If your voice in any way compromises or interferes with them, they will do whatever it takes to silence it. This is a commissioned cartoon I did for Jonathan. (If you would like to commission me to do a piece for you or someone you love, click HERE!) I know there are more, but these are the seven that come to my mind right now. Perhaps you could add to the list.
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