The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Here are 10 signs you’re being verbally abused
Can you tell when you're being verbally abused? I get verbally abused. It takes some a while to recognize when it's happening because abusive speech was normal growing up. After I left the ministry I visited a church. When the preacher preached I was pushing myself back into my chair, physically reacting to his abusive speech. I decided to never go back if he was preaching. I've learned how to recognize verbal abuse. I can smell it a mile away. You can too. A preacher decides which face to use for preaching: Loving? (in cobwebs) Disappointed? Angry? Furious? Here are 10 signs you’re being verbally abused: You think, "I don't deserve this!” They are aggressively shouting, pointing, and using all CAPS. You think, “I'd never speak to anyone like this!" You think, "What they're saying just isn't true!" You doubt yourself while they're talking. You don't feel free to respond and they won't listen anyway. If you express your hurt, you're blamed for being too sensitive. They say terrible things but add "I love you" or a nice emoji. They use words always and never. You fear that this could escalate. This is not comprehensive. The first step to realizing you’re being verbally abused is knowing that you don't deserve this. It's an assault on your person. So when you're being verbally abused, what can you do? If it’s safest to endure until you're safe and secure, do so. Or, if you can, hang up, walk away, block. You don’t deserve to be verbally abused. You can demand people speak to you with respect. Establish a boundary. If they violate it, THEY'RE the ones who broke the communication, not YOU for not tolerating it. Love yourself.
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Choosing Healthy Relationships Over Toxic Norms
Many rules are designed to keep you in toxic and even abusive relationships. Honor your parents and accept whatever they administer. Submit to your husband and do not divorce. This is your family whether you like it or not. Don’t challenge the leader and submit to authority. Turn the other cheek and accept whatever anyone does to you. Forgive your abusers 70 times 7 times. Never say no to anyone’s requests or demands. As diverse as the gospels are in their stories of Jesus, we can say he was fiercely independent and lived as a free man. He chose his friends.He redefined his family.He chose who to hang out with,who to avoid,and who to walk away from. In Howard Thurman’s book, “Jesus and the Disinherited”, he suggests that much of the teachings of Jesus are from a person who lived under occupation and are actually survival techniques for the oppressed. Unfortunately, oppressors take these teachings and, not surprisingly but typically, twist them into tools of oppression. For example, when we are instructed to turn the other cheek, that was a technique for a victim to take back their power and make a courageous choice to survive. Abused people understand this technique. But abusers are aware of this technique too and take advantage of it. They expect their victims to abide by the turn-the-other-cheek rule and indulge their abusive behavior. We shouldn’t just have to survive. We can thrive by establishing healthy boundaries, forming healthy relationships, and living healthy and happy lives. If we can, we should walk away from toxic and abusive relationships. Yes, some people will accuse you of breaking the rules.Because you’ve upset the norm. But you’ll be healthier for it.And happier too.
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Is Self-love biblical or sinful?
Love isn’t just reserved for a man and a woman. It doesn’t have to lead to a traditional marriage and family. Love just is. But how does this apply to self-love? In this blog, we’ll discuss whether self-love is biblical or sinful. Jesus drives a pickup truck with a bumper sticker, “HONK IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF”. Is Self-Love a Sin? Recently when I talked about the necessity of self-love, someone challenged my heresy by demanding I show even one verse to support my claim. I don’t need to defend self-love, but the moment got the better of me and I did descend to his level. I quoted the extremely famous verse: “Love your neighbor as yourself,” which suggests that love begins with you. If you have any self-awareness or any psychology education at all you know that if you don’t love yourself you will struggle to love others. Because love loves. Love is indiscriminate. Self Love and The Church But the church doesn’t typically nurture self-love. If you were told you were sinful from birth, that your heart was desperately wicked, that your mind was deceitful, and that you were going to Hell by default, you have no defense. You: “But I don’t feel that evil. I think I’m a pretty good person.” Them: “That just proves you’re proud AND deceived!” What if the concept of original sin was invented as an attempt to describe why the world sometimes feels broken and as an attempt to explain why humanity seems to suffer so? When you love yourself, you really are going against the religious pressure that keeps you doubting and even hating yourself, which in turn makes you perpetually submissive, needy, and constantly in need of restoration that is only bestowed by those in authority over you. Go Forth and Love Thyself! Loving yourself is revolutionary. You should do it more. If you need tips, read this blog about loving yourself through deconstruction.
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Embracing Self-Love after Religious Trauma
Let’s talk about self-love.I was taught that it was bad. It was drilled into me that the only one I was to love was God. Then others as myself.Wait! What? As myself? I was young when I saw the discrepancy and guessed a solution: There’s a connection on how well I love others to how well I love myself. Cartoon description: A woman says, “I’m ready for love. Where do I start?” Jesus says, “Yourself.” Immersed in a religious culture that condemned self-love, I secretly started loving myself. I fell in love with Lisa.Then our kids. What does self-love look like? It’s more than feeling good about yourself. Love is actionable. Here’s what my love for my kids looks like: I want to be with them.I’m comfortable with them.I think the best of them. I believe they can do what they put their minds to.I know they’re winners who can fail rather than losers who can’t succeed.I trust they have good hearts and will make the world better.I listen to them when they struggle and give them space to grow.I think positively of them and speak to them in encouraging and motivational ways.I nurture a caring culture where they are free to become their best selves and succeed. Now, apply all the above to yourself! Are you comfortable being with yourself?Do you think the best of yourself?Do you think you can do anything you put your mind to?Do you consider yourself a winner?Do you trust you have a good heart?Do you give yourself space to struggle?Do you think positively of yourself?Do you nurture a caring culture for yourself? This is how you can love yourself.
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Challenging Assumptions About Single Women
As promised, we’re talking about all kinds of love leading up to Valentine’s Day. Including the love of being single. Or at least the appreciation of it. And self-love. In this cartoon, a woman sits in a church surrounded by people wondering: Why is she alone? She doesn’t look half bad. Must be her personality. She needs to meet our Joey. She must be gay. Maybe. She’s probably too picky. Must be a widow. Sad. Poor thing not to love or be loved. Maybe if she lost a few pounds. A bitch, likely. I wonder what’s wrong with her. Poor thing. How does she manage? Well she IS wearing a pantsuit and we all know what that means. I know and have known many single women. (Even this is a funny thing to say!) Sure, some of them wish they were in a relationship. But most of them were happy with themselves. Loved themselves. And none of them would ever settle. They’re strong, independent, compassionate, and inspiring people.Who don’t need a partner. Even though many would be happy with one. A good one. This goes for men too. But in my experience women are the primary targets of this kind of thinking. Any women here agree? I intend to keep drawing cartoons that call out misogyny and sexism prevalent in our society and the church. Power to all women! Long may you rise and shine… in religious circles and beyond!
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One Scripture Two Interpretations
In this cartoon we see one scripture from which one man is inspired to express love and peace while another man is inspired to express hate and violence. ONE SCRIPTURE TWO INTERPRETATIONS Some people claim we wouldn't know how to love unless the bible told us how to. Does that mean we wouldn't know how to hate unless the bible told us how to? They might point to Paul's love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, and claim that this tells us how to love. I claim it's not a prescription but a description. It is describing what love is. It's discussing something that already exists. My dog knows how to love better than some people do and she's never read the bible. As far as I know. We can conclude even from the events over the last while that anybody can be inspired to do anything they want from the same scriptures. And that's the key: "anything they want". People tend to use scripture to validate and justify what they already believe and want to do.
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Why I Adore Our Diverse and Free Community
The deep end of love and why I love this community. It goes without saying that this has been one crazy year. But one of the great things from 2020 is how the NakedPastor community is developing. I love us so so much, and I want you to know the reasons why. We are unique. There’s no one like us. Really. We are free and learning together how to live accordingly. We are open, expressing ourselves in vulnerable and honest ways. We are diverse. There are all kinds of us and I think it’s amazing. We are spread across the belief spectrum from atheist to believer. We are respectful of both faith and doubt because these are processes. We are agreed that we should keep this space as safe as possible. We are all allowed to use our voice (except those who try to silence ours). We are supportive of one another as we've experienced in our discussions. We are incredible human beings who want to love and be loved. It just proves to me all over again, like in the last church I pastored, that if you cultivate authentic community, you will indeed experience it and enjoy it. And this is what we’re doing. Which is why I love us.Which is why I love you! Let’s all hope together that 2021 is a better year. I really do love you all, and I can feel your love for me. Thanks so much, beloved, for hanging out with me and with the NakedPastor community.
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How Microaggressions Can Build Up and Break Down
One stone won’t killbut together they will. Like this cartoon shows. You wouldn’t think saying, “You’ve got a bit of a belly there!” would hurt someone. It does. But what if people said to that someone, “You’ve got a bit of a belly there!” throughout their childhood and teen years? Would that be detrimental to their health? Absolutely! Microaggressions can occur anywhere from family to school to work to church! In fact, I think organizations with higher expectations about what people should be like can be the worst offenders. Don’t dismiss what some might think is a slight harm a microaggression inflicts. It could be huge, and it could be the final straw together with all the other microaggressions the person has suffered. One microaggression hurts. Compound a bunch of them together and they kill. There are aggressions against me every day. At first, it hurt. Some words would debilitate me. But they don’t hurt me like they used to. Why? I built up a tolerance for spiritual abuse. I built up my confidence so lies about me don’t affect me as much. I detect a lack of intelligence and compassion in the aggressor. To avoid microaggressions (giving or accepting them) here are my thoughts: It requires a simple prescription: compassion. Initially I thought education. But people only educate themselves about other races, genders, colors, religions, cultures, spiritualities, philosophies, body sizes and shapes, etc., if they care. If they cared, they would realize that this world is brimming with an astounding diversity, and that this is its beauty! Including people! We are incredibly diverse. Acknowledging and accepting and embracing this diversity is what makes us functional and healthy. This is our beauty! So, yes, find the compassion to educate yourself about others. And, yes, build up your self-confidence so ignorant lies about you don’t pierce your heart anymore. Much love from me to this beautifully diverse community!
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Recognizing The Changes Associated With Shifts Your Beliefs
We all unravel our beliefs in our own way. That's why I champion spiritual independence. Focus on being yourself and find your own path. A man on a couch depressed. His wife on the phone: “Sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now. He’s losing his religion.” Mental, emotional and social symptoms you may experience when Mental Changes Deconstruction usually starts in the mind, often initiated by trauma: an event that provokes doubt. It can be as simple as questioning the Bible, or the loss of a loved one that makes you question a caring God, or frustrating experiences in the Church or with religious people. A Doubt Virus lodges in your fevered brain that spreads, overtaking your certainty. Confusion sets in. Emotional Changes When you’re immersed in a religious culture but start questioning it, you experience withdrawal and grief. You may feel a mixture of sadness at the prospect of loss and elation at the hope of freedom. Confusion creates stress that you feel in our body. You’re stuck between sadness and joy, conflict and peace, control and freedom. You count the cost of taking the next step because the risk feels high. Social Changes You’ve become suspicious about submitting to authority and believing ideas unquestionably. You know you’re in for a bumpy ride as you contemplate breaking away from the Church, its leaders, and your peer group (family and friends), all of whom perpetually monitor you. You know if you take a stand for your spiritual independence you may find yourself all alone. Your social life will change. But have hope! Because I know you will progress beyond confusion to peace of mind.You will finally feel authentically you, happy and free.And you’ll learn how to navigate your present relationships and form new and healthier ones.
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