The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Have You Struggled With The Pain Of Losing Church Friends?
This cartoon about the pain of losing church friends is titled Holy Ghosted. I love the humor in the name but for many of us, being ghosted by a community we were so invested in and loved is no laughing matter. It does hurt. Wow, do I have some stories! Okay, I'll tell you one. I planted a church for a big-time international ministry. When the leader who hired me to plant the church decided he didn't like me anymore, he fired me. The next Sunday I had to go to the church when it was opened in order to pick up some things I'd left there. People were already gathered. Seriously... when I walked in, up the aisle, gathered my things, and walked back out, not a person said a thing to me. They never even looked at me. It literally felt like I was a ghost. And, well, to them I was. In fact, I was a demonic one apparently. Literally ghosted. It's happened many other times too by people I genuinely thought were lifelong friends. So strange! Weird. But, ghost stories are weird. It’s Okay to Feel This Way Being ghosted by church friends when we leave the church is a tough experience. When connections we thought were strong suddenly disappear, it leaves us feeling hurt and confused which only magnifies our feelings of religious trauma.I’ve had my share of these moments, and they’ve made me question my place and worth. But they’ve also taught me about resilience and finding genuine connections.If you’ve been ghosted, know that you’re not alone. Share your story in the comments, and let’s support each other through these challenges.
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Deconstructing in Front of Your Family
A young woman is surrounded by her family staring intently at her. The caption: "Can you tell which family member is deconstructing?" How to deal with your family when you’re deconstructing. Some suggestions: You’re no longer an evangelist. You always had to be ready to share your faith. Now you don’t have to change anyone’s mind. You don’t have to convert them and you don’t need to be converted. You can accept people where they’re at and expect them to do the same for you. You can just be you with them even if they don’t like it. This is about peace. You’re in control of your life, not your family. Even if you were in a controlling home, you’re an adult now. An independent thinker! When you’re with people with differing beliefs, you’re still an independent thinker. They don’t control your thoughts. So don’t panic. You don’t have to believe them. This is about freedom. You decide how to respond. For me there’s active or passive mode. Active mode is when it’s about me and people want to know what I think. Passive mode is when it’s not about me and people want to just hang out. It’s not a lack of integrity to choose to be silent. This is about self-control. People don’t want to change their beliefs. So you won’t change them. But when they do start to question their beliefs, it manifests as genuine curiosity. This is when you can share your thoughts. Don’t argue or debate. It’s a waste of time. SO: You’re no longer required to change anyone’s mind. You’re in control of how you speak. Share your thoughts only when you want to.
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How to Change in Front of Your Kids
A child in the backseat of a car says to his mom who is driving, “Mom, since we stopped going to church you’ve gotten really good at swearing!” HOW TO CHANGE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS I’m often asked how we deconstructed in front of our kids. I need to be clear: I don’t consider deconstruction an event, but a lifestyle. Deconstruction isn’t necessarily an ah-hah moment where we jump tracks to another one. Rather, it’s living a life committed to dismantling our conditioning. It’s a dying daily. It’s a behold we are a new creation daily. So our kids never witnessed us freaking out about beliefs. Rather, what they saw, and still see, are adults committed to growth whatever that means. They saw people curious about what was true and fearless to pursue it. If you think you need to bequeath to your children a solid belief system, forsake that notion now. You wouldn’t do that to yourself. Don’t do it to them either. Like a good teacher, we don’t just teach the what, we teach the how. Not “know this” but “find out”. Good parents don’t teach children how to be a mini-me's but how to be their own, autonomous, independent selves. When our kids saw Lisa and I argue, we also let them see us reconcile. We lived openly, transparently, and honestly, believing our kids would learn valuable skills on how to be authentic human beings in relationship with another authentic human being who were always growing. We let them see us doubt, question, explore, and discover. We let them see us change so that they wouldn’t be afraid of it and avoid it but invite it and choose it as a lifestyle. Change in front of your kids!Then watch them change in front of you!
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Want to See My Very First LGBTQ+ Cartoon? "The Closeted Gay Pastor"
A group of people are talking to their pastor: "Pastor, the Spirit has revealed to us that there's a gay person in our church!" The pastor thinks to himself, "What will they do when they find out it's me?" This is the very first LGBTQ+ cartoon I ever drew... in July of 2007. Wow! A long time ago. This was the first of many. Actually, I have a book with a lot of them in it called "The Art of Coming Out" on Amazon. And many of my LGBTQ+ cartoons are shared around the world online, on prints, originals, tees, mugs, and more! I'm very proud of this and it makes me happy to spread the good news. BUT... Imagine the fear this poor pastor must feel! I know for a fact that many of you don't have to imagine. You know exactly what this fear feels like. I love you, and you have my heart... and many here can say the same thing.
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Is God Closer Than We Think?
Even if you aren't sure about the existence of God or you don't believe in God at all, we all know a bigger perspective helps. When I was a pastor of a church, I made it my constant endeavor to validate people's experiences and not dismiss their sufferings and feelings of abandonment and even rejection. Many of us grew up trained to believe we were rejects. And it wasn't just a belief. It was pressed all the way through to the marrow of our bones that we weren't worthy of love and we could only be loved because of grace and endless forgivenesses. So a lot of my pastoral work was basically undoing the toxic theology of self-hatred. Even in myself. Cartoon description: In the first frame, a man cries out, "God, where are you?" In the next frame, we zoom out to see him crying out in the center of the palm of God's hand. And do you know what happens? When we realize we were worthy of love, love shows up!Weird, huh? (This not only happens in the spiritual realm, but in the romantic realm as well.) Now, the question is: Does love really just show up? Or is love there the whole time? Zoom in. Zoom out.
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Did the Church Bait and Switch You with Unconditional Love?
One of the things that disturb me is when someone accuses people of wanting to go to church when the church is notorious for abusing them. Women. LGBTQ+. BIPOC. Etcetera. I always respond that people have the right to want to be a part of a church congregation and community. If a kid was having a rough time at home, would we say, “Why do you want to stay there? Just leave!” Of course not. Because we understand the kid wants family. The church rightly claims that it offers unconditional love. Like it’s Lord. Unfortunately, “unconditional” has been changed in meaning. What it usually means now is this: “Of course we welcome you unconditionally. Depending on the severity of your sin, though, you have one month to a year to reform or you’re out on your ass.” People are "love-bombed" on the way in and for the first while. Then the unconditional love expires. Unconditional love now has a shelf-life. Unconditional love isn’t the main course but the bait. The chum. The lure. The decoy. The teaser. It’s the cologne, not the body. It’s not the face, but the mask. It’s meant to get you in so they can change you. The old bait and switch. How many here know what I’m talking about?
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SAYING YOU’RE ACCESSIBLE AND BEING ACCESSIBLE ARE 2 DIFFERENT THINGS
SAYING YOU’RE ACCESSIBLE AND BEING ACCESSIBLE ARE 2 DIFFERENT THINGS A door has a sign on it, “We Welcome Short People”. Short people are trying desperately to reach the doorknob but can’t while people inside look fearfully at the short people trying to get in. It’s one thing to say you’re accessible. It’s another thing to actually be accessible.People with disabilities know this. By experience. It’s like churches that say they’re affirming. They say they’re affirming but they’re really not. LGBTQ+ people know this. By experience. Every once in a while I hear from someone who’s found a church that accepts them… a church that is totally accessible and affirming and welcoming and inclusive and MEANS IT! It’s not just engraved on their sign but on their hearts as well. So beautiful! These are precious gems in our universe. They are like priceless diamonds in our world. And they are precious and priceless precisely because they are rare. Be like these churches. (Did you know many of my cartoons are available as prints? I even have some original drawings available too.)
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Loving Your Family That Doesn't Understand You.
We're nearing Valentine's Day. Today we're talking about loving your family while you're deconstructing. Deconstructing in front of your family can feel like this. To you, you’re just asking questions, doubting, and even changing your beliefs and the way you think. But to them you are being deceived and carried away by Satan. Two frames. In the first one, “What you see when you deconstruct”, a woman is deconstructing her beliefs and has a lot of questions while she sees her family looking confused and upset. In the second frame, “What they see”, is the woman being carried off by the devil while her family reaches out in horror to try to rescue her. Most of us know what it’s like to move in a direction or become someone our family doesn’t understand. When I experienced my first major spiritual transformation… or crisis… which launched my journey into mystical theology, meditation, and philosophical and eastern thought… straying from my very orthodox Evangelical and even Pentecostal roots… I do remember the confusion I caused. Heck! Even I was confused! I learned very early that in order to live an authentic life I had to give up on being understood. Maybe this is why I cartoon and paint and write do videos and give interviews so much.Perhaps these are all my attempts at being understood. Yes, it hurts when your family doesn’t understand you.It hurts even worse when they don’t even try. In many cases though, even though we are not understood, maybe we are still loved. I hope that is the case for you. It was and is for me. If not, know you are loved and supported here in our community.
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Job and Loving a Friend Who is Suffering
Job and Loving a Friend Who is Suffering Here's what we can learn from Job. If Job’s friends knew this they might’ve been better friends in his time of need. Job never discovered why he suffered. No explanation. Because there isn’t one. Job’s questions were unanswered. Job asked questions. God responded with more. God never answered those either. Job’s friends were smart. But they were only theologically precise. The first three friends explained why Job was suffering. The fourth explained how Job should be suffering. Neither were helpful. Job’s suffering is explained to us, but not Job, as a wager between God and Satan. No earthly explanation for Job’s suffering. Just a gamble he never hears about. Satan lost the bet but Job lost more. Job was used in a game he never consented to for evil to play with. This feels like life sometimes. Often it's better to be silent than to be right. Job’s friends passed the theology exam but failed the friendship test. The meaning of suffering is hidden from us. We often don’t know why we suffer. Explanations entertain our minds and distract us from our pain. But there’s no answer. Don't be surprised when you suffer if you are attacked or abandoned even by your closest friends. Suffering is unattractive, scary, and discomforting. It brings out the best and the worst in us. Our minds crave answers. Job found peace beyond answers. One day Job could reflect and say, “WTF was THAT all about?! But life’s good now.” Peace beyond the pain maybe. All is mystery. Is this the impulse behind God’s questions to Job? Life with all its joys and miseries is a mystery we can explore and appreciate but never fully understand. Be a good friend.
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