The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Does Losing Your Beliefs Mean Losing Your Partner?
Changing beliefs change your marriage. (You MUST read my book, “Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage” on Amazon and Kindle). For most couples, this is a terrifying experience. But it doesn’t have to be bad. Description: A husband and wife are having their morning coffee at the table. She says, “I’m afraid I’m losing my beliefs.” He responds, “I’m afraid I’m losing YOU!” I claim that changing beliefs is a sign of growth. You no longer believe the same things you did as a child. This applies to your theology too. Or, it should! When Lisa and I got married, we were very young Pentecostals madly in love. “Were” Pentecostals. STILL madly in love. But I’ll be honest… there was a period of time when our beliefs were changing, when our relationship to the church was changing, and when we were leaving the ministry… that we weren’t sure our marriage was going to survive. It was a most difficult and scary time. We really did feel like we were losing each other. But we made it. Why? Because we started to realize that we didn’t marry each other’s beliefs. We married each other. Here’s how I say it: I didn’t marry Lisa because of WHAT she thought, but because of HOW she thought. I married the incredibly beautiful and fascinating and wise person beneath all of her manifestations, including her beliefs. And her with me. Take my advice: if your partner’s beliefs are changing, you aren’t necessarily losing them. They are developing, growing, and deepening their spiritual selves. And if you stick with them through their transformation, you will discover your partner on the other side… themselves but changed. Of course, I should add… if your partner chooses to dislike and disapprove of your change and decides that you’re over, that’s their problem. If you have any sense of self-care, personal growth and transformation is healthy and inevitable. A loving relationship isn’t meant to be a trap, a prison, or a constraint, but a place where personal growth is encouraged, appreciated, and expected. Read my book. It is helping a lot of people!
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The Church's Failure to Embrace LGBTQ Rights
This cartoon is brutal but it is reality.For many of our LGBTQ friends and family, reality is brutal. This happens all the time. I wanted to show the pastor as cool and hip with an awesome worship band setup to illustrate that even the most apparently progressive churches continue in their discrimination against LGBTQ people. Cartoon description: A pastor introduces a woman to the congregation: "So, just before we vote NO on whether LGBTQ people should enjoy equal right and privileges in the Church, we're going to hear Tammy's stories of being shamed, rejected, and alienated by us for being a lesbian so that people can't say we didn't listen. Tammy?" Someone will say that we shouldn't allow the feelings of others to dictate what is right and wrong. Okay. Then how about we allow the persecution and sufferings of others to dictate how we treat them? "Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain" means that we all walk on the same level ground. Or ought to. We don't force people off into the ditch.We don't block pathways to freedom.We don't barricade roads to equality.We don't charge change for access.We don't close lanes to the privileges we enjoy. Stop pretending to listen when it's just pretense. These are real people who suffer because of a hateful hermeneutic.
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Sex With Your Deconstructing Partner
We were young Pentecostals madly in love when we got married. I remember the moment I first laid eyes on her. I wasn't drawn to her beliefs. What I first noticed was her beauty. Then, when I got to know her, I fell in love with her person. She fell in love with me. Never did we explore one another's beliefs. Years later, when we started deconstructing our beliefs, we had to figure something out fast! Description: A couple in bed. The husband says to his wife, "The bible compares the relationship between a husband and his wife to the relationship between Christ and his Church but since you're deconstructing your beliefs you're nothing like the Church and how can I have sex with that?" When our beliefs changed, we feared we were losing an important ingredient in the glue that held us together. Then we recalled what originally attracted us to each other. It was our physical attraction. That hasn't changed. And it was our personalities. That hasn't changed. What I mean is I fell in love with the WAY Lisa thought, not with WHAT she thought. I fell in love with the person who manifests herself in all kinds of wondrous ways. I didn't fall in love with the manifestations. I fell in love with she who manifests them. Like the river in front of my house, I love the river, this river that is different every hour but is always the same river. I hope this guy in the cartoon figures out soon that he isn't having sex with her beliefs, but with her. I have a whole book on this topic, “Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage” on Amazon & Kindle. Related Deconstruction Resources 5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality (and how to heal)Can Your Marriage Survive Deconstruction?Navigating the Deconstruction Journey
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Shame-Free Free Shame
Cartoon Description: Jesus is walking with a sign that says, "Shame-Free". He passes a man who is carrying, along with a bible, a sign that says, "Free Shame". I despise shame. Some people think shaming is a legitimate method to control others. They think it's okay to shame people into doing what they think they should do or to stop doing what they think they shouldn't be doing. Always remember this: if you are being shamed to do or not do something, the intention is that you will comply to please them. Shaming intends to embarrass you back into submission. But, shame sucks as a motivator because its primary drive is the need to be accepted... ... rather than saying, "Here's how I can grow and become an even better person", then doing it.
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Unlocking the Divine Power of Blocking
I have the gift of blocking and you should too. Many of us raised in Christianity and the Church were taught to always turn the other cheek and walk the extra mile. Which interpreted means we should tolerate and endure abuse. Cartoon Description: Jesus is laying his hands on the head of a person and saying, "By all the authority invested in me in Heaven and Earth, I hereby bestow upon thee the divine gift of blocking." The problem is, abusers read those verses too, then use them to justify, excuse, and protect their abuse. I used to put up with abusers online. Now I block people frequently. I’ve learned some important lessons: People shouldn’t abuse. I don’t deserve to be abused. I don’t want toxic people in my life. So I eliminate opportunities for this to occur. Abusers get angry when they get shut down. They claim that we are against their freedom of speech. They're free to speak hate. They've got the whole world to speak their hate into. But not here. That’s the problem with abusers: they actually think they have the right to hurt people for what they think is a good reason. They actually believe their victims deserve it. They actually even believe that hurting someone in a fit of rage is an act of love if they believe enough in the results they hope to achieve by their abuse… which is always for us to bow to their will. As you may know and can imagine, I attract a lot of hate and abuse. As my friends lists grow, so does the frequency of attacks. So I came up with a policy to protect myself and my friends: Ignore stupid. Block hate. It works! It really makes some people angry. But they’re always the abusers.They can be angry. Somewhere else. Let’s end with a scripture lesson. Jesus is portrayed as a man who didn’t put up with bullshit.He never argued or debated.He responded to stupid or entrapping questions with smart or unanswerable ones.He walked away from haters and abusers.He confronted abusers and intervened to rescue their victims.He didn’t do toxic. So let’s do the same. Ignore stupid. Block hate. I bestow upon thee the divine gift of blocking!
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Asserting Your Privacy in Spiritual Exploration
I get a lot of private messages from people across all social media platforms. Consistently, they are struggling with deconstruction. But not just deconstruction in general. I’m finding the main struggle is how to go through their spiritual exploration in front of family, friends, community, whomever. Many feel they need to know what to say. Here’s what I told the last young woman who asked me for advice: Why explain yourself? Cartoon Description: Jesus says to a group "Their main frustration with me is they know they can't nail me down until they do it literally." Changing your beliefs and growing spiritually in front of others is hard.They always try to nail you down.You’re pressured to explain yourself. Here’s why: First of all, you might be experiencing a little hangover from your evangelistic days where you always had to give a reason for the hope that lies within you. You always had to be ready to testify and give your testimony. The pressure was constant to make your public statement of faith. Witness witness witness. Secondly, your spiritual journey is yours and no one else’s. They shouldn’t be asking you about your sex life either! Or your financial situation. Or your politics. It’s really none of their business. Your spiritual life is private. It will have visible manifestations. But what you believe or don’t believe is your concern, not theirs. Thirdly, do you go around asking people to explain themselves spiritually? Are you constantly assessing what people believe or don’t believe so that you can decide what to think about them or deal with them or relate to them? If you do, then there’s a little more work to do. But what I’ve seen is the deeper people go into deconstruction the less they care about the spiritual or religious affiliations people have and just mostly care about the quality of people they are. Like your spirituality is your business, their spirituality is theirs. You don’t ask because it feels invasive and rude. So you shouldn’t be asked either. If you do need something to say, here are a few responses I’ve given to people who’ve tried to corner me: Gentle Ones: “I don’t feel like talking about that now.” “I’m changing and don’t feel ready to share it.” “I’d rather not discuss it.” Firmer ones: “That’s none of your business.” “I have to go.” “I don’t talk about that with just anyone.” “I don’t believe that anymore.” You can just be you… and that doesn’t need explanation.
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Liberation from Guilt in the Journey of Deconstruction
This isn't about sex. But it includes it. It's about joy, pleasure, and happiness. One of the things many people must wrestle with who are deconstructing their beliefs and finding their independence from the church is that it's okay not only to be happy but to seek it. The guilt many people I talk with feel for just wanting to be happy is incredible. Cartoon Description: A couple is having sex in bed. They look surprised when God shows up looking at a watch and says, "Okay you two, it's time you wrap this up. I think you're enjoying it too much!" We've been taught to not meet our own needs, never mind our wants. We are to always serve others before ourselves. To want to be happy, to enjoy life, and experience pleasure, is selfish and dishonoring to God. We are to seek first the kingdom and everything else falls behind. Instead, I encourage people to be happy. To enjoy pleasure. To experience the fulness of life. Without fail, when they do this, they discover that they are not only more inclined to help others but are more equipped to do so. Related Deconstruction Blog Posts 5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality (and how to heal)
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Do You Give Space for Diversity Of Beliefs in your Family?
In a world where conformity is often expected, Lisa and I made a conscious decision to embrace something different: authenticity. We realized early on that true love isn’t about shaping each other or our kids to fit a mold, but about giving space to grow as individuals. This choice has made all the difference in our family’s journey. Actually, “allowing” them feels like the wrong word. It wasn’t about us giving permission. It was about getting out of the way and giving them the space to discover who they truly are. I drew this cartoon, A Family at the Bookstore, to capture this. In it, a family of six explores different sections: one is looking at Buddhism, another at Christianity, another at New Age, one in Atheism, another in Science, and the last in Philosophy. It’s a snapshot of the beautiful diversity that thrives when people are free to explore and become themselves, without judgment or fear. Because of this approach, Lisa is her authentic self, I’m my authentic self, and our kids? They’re all growing into who they were meant to be. And it's been a joy to witness that process. Watching each of us embrace who we are has reinforced the importance of being your authentic self in a world that often demands otherwise.But here’s the thing—it’s not easy to create this kind of freedom. You have to let go of the fear that’s been ingrained in so many of us: the fear from religion, authority figures, or even family members who insist that if you don’t conform, you’ll somehow fail, or worse, end up in Hell. Love realizes this is a lie.Love lets live.Love is manifested in diversity, NOT conformity, uniformity, and homogeneity. As I keep saying, it is not compatibility of beliefs that unifies us, but love. I talk all about this in my new book, "Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage", available on Amazon and Kindle.
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Whose Dreams Do You Fulfill?
Whose Dreams Do You Fulfill? Description: The mother says to their son, "Fulfill your dreams!" The father says to their daughter, "Fulfill our dreams!"
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